I was just over reading the answers to a question that a posed last week in Q & A, and my blood started boiling. Linda posted about how people assumed that she could only talk about her kids when she was a SAHM. I wanted to jump up and down and say..."that's what happens to me all the time". It is so frustrating. I feel like even my own family does this. My sister called me a couple of months ago and asked how every member of the family was getting along, except me. People know that I'm at home during the day, so to make small talk they ask about my husband's job..."ummm...I'm here too!"

I just ran across one of Nataly's old blog posts too. A colleague asked her at a business meeting how her "mommy-life" was going. Excuse me?...How rude!

I love being a Mom, but for some reason people forget that I have an identity beyond my title...and I think it's accentuated because they think that I don't do anything while I sit on my butt and watch soaps all day.

Anyway, all of this got me thinking. What about you ladies? What do people assume about you since you work at home?

People around here seem to assume that I am just playing on the computer and ignoring my kids when I say that I work from home. They keep telling my husband that he is being an idiot for staying home to help with the kids when I´m clearly not doing anything and it should be my job to look after the kids.

While it is entirely wrong to paint anyone with a broad brush, unfortunately the SAHMs that I used to run into seem to only know and speak 1 subject area - their kids. They have absolutely NO idea of how to carry on a conversation that DOESN'T revolve around the kids. And unfortuately, the WAHMs get thrown into that pile because they ARE at home, even tho that's where they work from.

Funny, isn't it, that a man can work from his home, as a lot of sales reps often do, and not a thing is ever said. But God forbid a woman do it, because she's not "doing anything important." At least they can carry on a decent conversation.

I totally agree with you, JDaffron! A lot of my SAHM friends do this. They talk about their kids, their husbands, their husbands' careers, and not a word of their own ambitions and goals. I feel lumped together with them even though I'm going to school and very focused on my career. It's annoying when people ask about your kids and what your husband does, but nothing about you. I want to yell, too, Mamajama!

Until recently most people didn't seem to get that I was working. They would call during the day and think I could just talk and talk and they'd get frustrated if I had to go b/c of of work. This finally changed a few months ago (for most of my friends and family) when they started to really see - or in this case hear - my work on a regular basis. Then it sunk in that I am actually working and not just messing with the computer all day.

There are people in my neighborhood that have no idea what I do and still clearly think that they can stop by or stop me on the street when I'm off somewhere and that I should have all the time in the world to talk since I'm "just" a mom at home with the kids. It can be frustrating but I've learned to just let it slide off my shoulders.

I understand completely what you ladies mean. I have 2 businesses and my family and friends just assume I sit home and play on the computer all day. A couple of months ago my aunt called me and I told her I had to cut the conversation short because I had to go to work. She got all excited and said oh that's great that you got a job, where do you work? I was so upset I told her from home remember I run 2 businesses? People are ridiculous sometimes, they think that just because you work from home you have all the time in the world to do everything. You should be able to talk to them on the phone for hours, cook dinner everynight, wash clothes all day etc.... No matter how many times I tell people that working from home is still WORK they don't get it. I am a single mom of a 2 year old that stays home with me all day so I have absoluetly NO BREAKS but people just don't get it. So I've stopped trying to explain, now I just look at people like they have 2 heads when thet say those ridiculous things to me.

I agree totally about the assumptions people have about WAHMs. When I had my first child I was able to bring him to work with me because my husband and I have our own business. After I had my second child it got really difficult to care for both of them. Trying to keep the office quiet for naps, feeding and entertaining them, carrying all the toys and supplies everyday back and forth from home. We got a computer for me to work from home and it got a little easier.

I believe that most men can't multi task. I happen to be able to do it very well. So in between work and customers I could throw in a load of laundry or make up some bottles for the baby, or even put something in the oven for dinner. I believe that's how a lot of the wrong assumptions about me as a WAHM started, I can do more than 1 thing at a time !

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1) The assumption that I'm only 50% productive during my work time because I must be playing with my kids all day. (I have a full-time nanny and work upstairs away from the kids.)

2) The assumption that I don't need any down time, ever. I guess this goes along with "she must be playing with her kids all day." But even if I were, hello, that's NOT down time. After I put the kids to bed, I want to sit down and relax like everyone else - not spend the next 3-4 hours working.

3) The attitude that my work-at-home status is a sacrifice for my company. I am able to work much longer hours at home, and I don't cost the company electricity, parking reimbursements, and various perks that others get (e.g., working lunches and such). I am not billing the company for water-cooler conversations or reading the financial news when I get into the office. I attend conference calls when I'm off the clock - feeding my kids dinner or what-not. And I took a huge pay cut to do this. The few sacrifices they make for me are far smaller than the ones I make for them.

You know what's weird to me. Hardly anyone asks my husband how the baby is. The only people that ask him are his parents. None of his friends ask, the rest of his family just asks "How's the son?" and then they move on. No one asks him anything in depth about his kids life. I am the only person that he has to talk about his son to! Yet everyone I know asks me a million details and questions about our son. I don't mind because I am usually tired of discussing the crappy housing market and economy all day at work so talking about my son is a great relief! But why doesn't anyone ask him? He loves to talk about his son and could do it all day but no one seems to care enough to ask him a thing. Funny the difference between how men and women are treated when it comes to children.

Once I decided to stay home full time, I was so afraid that I would be perceived as a 'brainless twit' who could only talk about diaper rash and toddler tantrums, that I made an extra effort NOT to talk about my son to people. Especially ex-coworkers and other moms who work. My life is not boring in any way..But somehow SAHM are made to feel as inadequate members of society. As if we are not contributing anything to this world...

Another issue I find being a WAHM is people don't look at it as working from home...they look at it as a hobby I am pursuing to keep myself ‘busy’.

Don't they realize that we are smart women who are committing ourselves to raising our children and ALSO running a business that contributes to our economy?

Zak
www.finestexpressions.com