Group Discussions

College Kid Living at Home

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  Our only daughter (17 years old) just graduated form HS. She wants to attend UCLA but wants to take the community college route first per counselor's advise. So she will be living with us for the next 2 years while she attends a local college. At first her Dad and I were happy. We are not quite ready to let her go. But now I'm trying to figure out how to make this work when she turns 18 later this year. She's a child living at home but at the same time a virtual adult who wants more freedom. We've never been on this road before and I need advice from "older" Moms. What should I expect and how do you deal with rules and chores? Do they still apply? And how far do I implement and enforce them? I want us to continue to have a good relationship so I don't want to blow this. Help!

  Flag as inappropriate Posted by Maria Victoria on 11th July 2008
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  Ok, here's what other friends of mine have done who faced the same and what I faced when I lived at home right after college.
  
  Your house is YOUR house, NOT hers. If she works part time, she should pay you some kind of rent. After all, if she were in a dorm or renting an apartment, she'd have to. 2nd, you are NOT her slave; ergo, if she lives at home, she MUST share part of the responsiblities of living there (hopefully you were already doing that before this). She does her own laundry, dishes, helps pay for food - everything she'd be doing in an apartment or in a dorm.
  
  Now, the tricky part is curfew. What my friends did, and even what my parents did was this - NO MEMBERS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX stayed overnite or in the bedrooms. Period. It's YOUR house and YOU make the rules, NOT her. If she rented a room in some's house, she'd have to respect their rules; ergo, she has to respect yours. As for the possiblity of staying out all night - once she's 18, the only thing you can require is that she do the common courtsey of calling and letting you know she may not be home. I called my parents to let them know I wouldn't be there for dinner (that was the decent thing to do) and the rest we winged it. At that point, I was over 21 anyway.
  
  I can very vividely remember coming home from college for the 1st time after having been away for 4 months. I'd been on my own, setting my own rules, and believe me, there was conflict. However, if they're living at home, rules are spelled out at the beginning. And if you have to, even go so far as make up a "contract" between you all. That way, things are spelled out and everyone knows what's expected of them.
  
  I've got 1 more year before I face your situation, but that's the route we're going to take if she doesn't go to a dorm (which I'm praying she does).

  Flag as inappropriate Posted by JDaffron on 11th July 2008