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Dealing with Child Care Discussions / Frustrated with Opinions on Working Moms
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Jenny Y.
Posts: 5
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 # Posted: 8 Aug 2008 16:49


Hello everyone my name is Jenny. I'm new to workitmom. I have a situation that I would like to vent about. Feel free to comment too. I have two friends that are married (to eachother) and they have no children and do not what children. We live in a very small town and it is a financially deprested area. A big number of people on welfare or SSI. It a GREAT place but frankly finding a Good paying job isn't as easy as it is in the bigger cities. These friends of mine have been writing letters to the editors 3 times on how they feel that:
-if both parents have to work then you shouldn't have kids
-IF you want children and you need to income then you should work diffrent shifts so you don't have to put your kids in daycare.
-Parents who have kids in daycare aren't always bad parents they just make wrong choices

I would love to hear some good comments to send back their way. And after three times of hearing their view in the local newspaper it really does feel like an attach on working parents. If you want to read these letters go to www.triplicate.com and "opinions" they all have somthing to do with children and there are lots of fun reading.
Jenny Y.
Posts: 5
Post History
 # Posted: 8 Aug 2008 16:51


Here is what I feel:

Stay at home moms are GREAT, but it isn't for everyone!~
Being a working mom makes me a better mom.
I look forward to having a retierment and not working till I'm 70 years old.
I want to afford to go on vacations and provide extra activities for my kids.
You could work an opposite shift from you husband but then you would have no time to be man and wife. What is the point in that?
oceans mom
Posts: 45
Post History
 # Posted: 8 Aug 2008 19:40


How on Earth could anyone that doesn't have or want children write about having children? That in itself is completely ignorant. Anyway, here are my comments on being a working mom. I wanted to throw in some extra ones from what Jenny said.

- The time that I spend with my son is high quality time
- I do not take him for granted or get frustrated easily when he is in a bad mood
- We have money to put away for him to either go to college or start a business when he's old enough
- I will be able to retire one day
- We don't have to live in a bad neighborhood or send him to bad schools
- He has social interaction with other children evey day and he loves it
Jenny Y.
Posts: 5
Post History
 # Posted: 8 Aug 2008 20:48


Thank! Its nice to hear that other working moms feel the same way I do about this. I would really like to write a good letter to the Editor in response but I'm so emotional about the whole thing I get confused. To top it all off these people were friends of mine. So it just look like "great I'm glad my friends look down on me so much"

Thanks more thought are welcome.


wendyj
Posts: 1
Post History
 # Posted: 8 Aug 2008 21:51


Jenny,

I certainly understand your frustration with this couple. But I'd like to offer a different point of view. Although their comments are harsh or hurtful, they may be covering up something. Please don't get upset, hear me out.

I was told I would not have children. My husband and I decided we would not tell others (fear and shame). We also decided we would not undergo fertility treatment - God provides for us what we need. If our Lord didn't see fit to provide us with children, then we wouldn't have any. We also felt we didn't owe anyone explanations.

The hurt we always felt when someone asked us about children eventually turned to - well self-righteous comments and negativity towards those who had children. That was easier than facing the harsh reality of being childless. So I'm wondering if these "friends" may be facing something similar and not talking about it. You didn't say how "good" these friends were so maybe they are not close enough to feel comfortable talking about it.

My story ended with a miracle. After 17 years of marriage, my husband and I were blessed with a beautiful, healthy baby boy. But I have to say I only ever told one person I wasn't able to have a child - that was my sister. It was only after I lost her to cancer that I had my son and I know she helped with my miracle (no treatments - just a huge surprise).

I don't know how your friendship will be after their comments. I hope that it all turns out for the best.
Lisa Willard
Posts: 47
Post History
 # Posted: 9 Aug 2008 01:16


Jenny,

I'm going to agree with Wendy on this one. It sounds like they could be covering something up or maybe their decision to not have children is one they regret.

My suggestion - Ignore their comments and their advice. Working parents are great parents and in today's society it takes a dual income. There's nothing wrong with that.

Separate yourself from their comments and if need be from them. Instead surround yourself with like-minded people and others that share your values and thoughts. It makes life much simpler and more enjoyable.

BELIEVE Success!

Lisa
JDaffron
Posts: 64
Post History
 # Posted: 9 Aug 2008 11:22 - Edited by: JDaffron


I LOVE the irony of how 2 people who aren't even in the situation think they're experts on something they don't know a rat's behind about. Regardless of whether they can/dont't/ or won't have kids, it doesn't matter. Talk about both ignorance and arrogance personified! Even IF they're (unbeknownst to anyone else) in a position of not being able to conceive, the mere arrogance is just that. However, if, as you stated, they simply don't want kids, that's their preogrative, but it's arrogance for them to express opinions on something they obviously know nothing about.

As my mother used to say, "Consider the source and then round file it." Everyone else who knows them obviously sees how ignorant they're showing themselves to be. Another friend has said, "Better to keep one's mouth closed and be thought ignorant than to open your mouth and prove it."
Jenny Y.
Posts: 5
Post History
 # Posted: 9 Aug 2008 15:19


all good points. These are people who don't want children the man has take steps to make sure that doesn't happen by having a vasc. BUT maybe they do feel a bit of regret. Who knows. all good advise. I actually saw these friends at a wedding yesterday and was very friendly with them BUT it is hard to want to talk about my "life" when most those conversations have to do with kids.
Stacey S
Posts: 14
Post History
 # Posted: 11 Aug 2008 12:41


There are always going to be people who think your parenting choices are wrong. Just try to remember that you are doing what is right for your family. My husband reminds me whenever I get upset that our daughter is thriving and I know we are doing the right thing for us, so why let it get to me? (Easier said than done).

I do think it is funny that they don't have children. I agree with whomever said this before - I was a better parent before I had children. I think you need to stop listening to them and possibly reconsider your friendship.
BizNurse
Posts: 90
Post History
 # Posted: 11 Aug 2008 20:54


I totally understand how you feel.

After seeing my patients more than I saw my family, I WANTED to be home with my kids, so I found a business that would work from home (most don't in all honesty). Now Tim (hubby) and I are both home full time.... but JUST BECAUSE this was right for me doesn't mean it is right for you. Don't allow ANYONE to make you feel guilty for the way you feel. It's YOUR RIGHT to do whatever you feel is best for your family!!

Happy MAMAS lead to HAPPY KIDS!!

HUGS!!

Linda/CMAS, BS,. RN
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