Do you feel like you are the only mom who isn't a soccer mom, does't work out, would never drive a mini-van and doesn't spend 20 hours a week doing cute crafts with your kids (or have the desire to)? Did you have a conversation with your child's Kindergarten teacher that "no my child does NOT have to be friends with everyone - I don't be friend everyone I meet, why should he?" Are you a bad parent becuase you let you child jump in the mud puddle or you teach them that 10 degree weather is 'boogie freezin cold'- of course not - you're just Outside the Box.

You are not alone Pam. We don't all have to fit into a neat litlle Stepford pattern to be good moms.

I do work out but I would not be caught dead-at-gun-point- on-a-Sunday driving a minivan. I am in no way crafty but I am the Treasurer of the PTA. unfortunatley some of the SAHMs on the PTA got annoyed with me for trying to implement standard rules / procedures for the Treasury. Surprisingly the working moms were in complete agreement about the need for such things...coincidence?

And actually the "good" mom's don't work out because it would take time away from their children and housework.

I don't bake cookies / cupcakes ( like all the other "good" moms) For pot lucks I always bring the juice and cups / plates-LOL!

I say ignore the judgemental eyes and do your best for your family.

AMEN Uhura! Actually I WANT to get myself motivated to work out - I need to get into shape, but I don't want to talk about it constantly - I feel there are more interesting topics to discuss over coffee or cocktails

Each mom gives and does the best they can (most of them). We each have a different parenting style - that is okay. I DO bake cookies when I can and am the first one to dress up on halloween (I am basically silly but strict)- last year my husband was a Red Hat Drag Queen complete with boobs & beard but I am not a mom that loves being surrounded by little brats just becuase they are children. I have one child by choice - my tolerance level is limited. I love my son but although he is a very typical boy - loves cars - anything with a motor and loves the mud pile and legos he is very adept at carrying on a human conversation - in part probably becuase I was 31 and hubby 43 when we had him and he is an only child. He is exposed to adults a lot.

confession: I DID own a minivan, I tried it but it just wasn't my thing I am much happier being back in my Jeep - it is just who I am and I am okay with that. I will admit I loved the room - we could take another couple or family of 4 with for minature golf & dinner - THAT I liked, but it did not outweigh my need for 4WD and ground clearance; I claim it as a testosterone thing - I worked construction for 10 years - must be some of it wore off on me LOL!

Since I'm new to this site, I found this thread and I just HAD to say something. I've worked most of my life, including going back shortly after I had my daughter, 17 years ago. When we enrolled her into our parish school for pre-K and then elementary and middle school, I was absolutely amazed at the attitude I received because I couldn't attend the "mothers teas" or volunteer to do things at school during the day (because I work for a living, thank you). I was looked down on by the moms cause I didn't do crafty things or did a lot of baking for the class or teachers. Then I get this "but so and so's mom had time to bake cookies for the class?" Well, so and so's mom doesn't earn the $$$ to put the food in your tummy or pay the mortgage...

So, I'm considered to be a bad mother cause I didn't make her "unique" costume for Halloween. Big deal. Party City was quicker and cheaper and after 1 wearing, who cares!

Oh, and I do have a mini-van, but more out of necessity than anything else. I needed something that was functional to haul 4x8 sheets of plywood and then still carry the family. When she goes to college next year, the van is getting traded in for a small and gas efficient SUV.

Ok, enough venting and I'll get off my soap box. Thanks for listening.

I'm a mom that doesn't fit the mold...especially the mold where we live now! I struggle to be good and to please everyone...but that's just not the reality. I posted about "quitting" recently. I think why I am wanting to quit the most is the stress that comes with trying to be what I'm not. It just saps the life out of me and tears at my creativity.

I also find that if you are a mom that does make cookies, create original Halloween costumes, plan birthday parties that are unique and fun, or expect that a PTA actually runs with rules and organization then you are treated just like the mom you described Pammy!

I've had long talks with my husband and some friends about it...what I think it comes down to is insecurity. Not mine, but the other moms. The ones that don't know themselves, like themselves and feel that they need to measure themselves to others.

Doesn't it all sound like high school all over again? Man, I thought those years would be behind me. I never fit the mold then either!! I guess I just continue to be me...and try to find others who are doing the same. It's just hard when you move...because you have to start all over again.

SpokaneMama,
I'd like to add something to what you wrote.

You're right when you talk about insecurity, particularly concerning those who look down on you because you're not doing what they're doing. I used to feel that way years ago, thinking "Oh, my God, what have I done wrong." But ya know, the older you get, the more you realize that some things simply aren't as important as you/they think and you have to realize what really is.

I'm almost 53 now. Had my only child at 35 and I've never regreted it (well, almost never. There are days when she gets on my ever loving last nerve...). However, ladies, turning 50 was almost an epithany for me. You begin to really realize how trivial some of this stuff really is and how trivial some people (i.e. the "perfect" moms) really are. Not only that, but how much, in reality, THEY are jealous of you because you (and they) realized you no longer give a flyin' rat's behind about what they think.

I'm not going to lie and say that I wouldn't LOVE to be able to quit work. I took 3 1/2 years off after my parents died, just to be able to recuperate from the stress that their illnesses and deaths dealt me and my family. Initially, I figured only to be out about 6 months, but I realized that that wasn't long enough. I was fortunate enough to be able to do this (they left me some money), but when I did go back to work, I realized how much I missed the adult stimulation and interaction, not only for my soul, BUT in order to keep my mind from going to mush.

Yeah, home, family, work is all stressful. Soon, my daughter will be going away to college and then hubby and I will be alone again (well, sort of...she's going to college in town). I think the hardest balance comes from trying very hard NOT to lose yourself and your own identity. It's remembering to remember YOU and that YOU are just as important as anyone or anything else.

As the old saying goes....if Mom ain't happy....ain't nobody happy!

Wow - I'm not alone in the world! The one I love is that people think because we have our own business I have all this free time - okay who here works for themself and doesn't work????(gremlins run our business - yea ,yea thats it!)
Don't get me wrong, I say bravo to the MSMs (martha stewart moms)for doing their thing, but don't condemn me because I happen to ride a motorcycle, love old cars and I allow my son to simply play rather than schedule every moment of his life. HE chose not to join soccer, little league and boy scouts. I'm not a druggie, drunk or abuser!
Yes, he gets on & off the school bus at our business, but that is our life - I don't think seeing that his parents work hard is a bad thing. He has just started "working too" He wanted a Nintendo DS - we have some things that need to be sorted, nuts, bolts, etc. I'd been paying an 18 year old $6/hour to do it and she wasn't capable - didn't wanna be there! So when he told me about the DS I said well , we just let Ash go - you can do her job, $5/hour and you can buy the DS when you earn enough. He already got $35 toward the $200+/- purchase. Maybe I am bad in some peopels eyes because I am expecting too much, but I don't think so and he is MY son.

I think you hit the insecurity thing right on the head. One of the greatest things my parents gave me was self worth and confidence (sometimes a bit too much) growing up I was a tom boy and from 3rd grade up I was in and out of the "click" depending on the mood of the "lead girl" It made for a tough adolesence but it made me very independent. I remember the teasing I took becuase althought he girls might hate me this week, I always had boys for friends - even in high school I had boy friends, not a lot of boyfriends . I gree up with a brother & his friends (my sisters were a lot older) I am comfortable in the male world - probably why I worked constrution for 10 years. Even now I am surrounded by men, it is my comfort zone. In that same respect - this is porbably also why I do liek this site. I do miss coffee or cocktails with the girls, but the reality is most of the women y age, in my area are either MSMs or stillinto the bar scence. I have a few girsl that after a meeting we stop for a drink or two that is the type of girlfirends I need and they are few and far between - we all have busy lives. So I was thrilled to find the WIM site. bottoms up GF

PS JDaffron - you might want to hang on the MV until your daughter is done with college - my sister said that as much as she is looking forward to a 'big girl car' as she cals it - there is nothing better for moving a kid to college thant he space in her MV.

Pammy,
Fortunately, she's planning on going to VCU right here in town (Richmond), so moving stuff won't be that much of a problem. Tho I do remember back in the "old days" when I went to Va Tech that my parents moved me with the old station wagon LOL. To tell you the truth, I'm just waiting to get her into the dorm so I can actually clean out the biohazard room she lives in. <VBG>

You touched on teaching kids self-worth and confidence and I fully agree. I cannot believe the number of parents (most of them younger than me, but with kids the same age) who have NEVER allowed their kids to go to camp of been away from the kids for periods of time. There have been some articles recently in the papers and magazines about "helicopter parents" and I simply shake my head in amazement at the numbers of parents who do this. I even discussed it with my own daughter and she told me that she'd be absolutely mortified if I EVER did it to her. Yes, I speak with her teachers and try to keep up with what's going on at school, BUT I don't cross the line in doing her work or getting into it with teachers over her grades. The articles have even told of parents who went WITH the kids to interviews and sat in on them. I couldn't believe the stupidity of these people. And the sad thing is....most of these parents who do this are the same ones who look down on ME cause I work or because I take time away from my child for myself. IOW, they have NO LIFE for themselves but their kids. I swear... I simply want to smack'em when I hear them talking about how they're going to be devestated with "Johnnie/Suisie" moves away to college or to work. No wonder some of these kids don't know what to do with themselves....they've NEVER been taught self reliance.

Ok,.....off my soap box.

This thread is entitled "Are you a bad mom because..."

Am I a bad mom because I insist on some private time for myself in order that I don't lose my identiy and/or sanity? NO. I earned it. (I'm also in menopause here, ladies, so my family has been learning NOT to mess with me on this.)

Am I a bad mom because I insist that my child learn to do her own laundry (as early as 3rd grade) and learn to cook her own meal if she doesn't like what I'm cooking? NO. (I absolutely REFUSE to cater to pickiness. "Eat what I fix or starve or fix it yourself" is my motto. I fix one meal...not 2 or 3 or 4 simply because somebody snarls their nose up at my dinner.

Am I a bad mom because I check up on her schoolwork BUT I won't get involved if she doesn't turn in work and then gets a bad grade? No....it's called learning RESPONSIBILITY for your actions. (oh, and btw....my mom taught high school for 43 years, so I have NO patience for parents who try to con a teacher into changing a grade tho the child didn't bother to do the work).

Am I a bad mom because I refuse to accept medocity or that "everybody else is doing it" attitude from my daughter? Nope...it's called responsibility. Get over it and move on. This world doesn't owe you a thing. You owe it!

<VBG>

Bad mom? Ok, then...I guess I am and I'm proud of it. <VBG>

Hello, to all! I am new here, too and just have to add my 2 cents....I have spent the last 18 years being a mom, being a wife, being an ex-wife, a working mom, and everything else that goes along with that. Life is stressful enough without having to be labeled by other people who can afford nannies, have a partner who is actually helpful, and don't have to work just to keep food on the table. Who are they to judge? As far as I am concerned, most days I know that I am a good mom, and given that I still have a 2 and a 3 year old in the house I prove that to myself everyday. I figure that if they are still breathing....then i must be doing something right...
Don't stress on other people's ideas of what makes you a good mom...rely on your own and know that you are the best mom that you were trained to be. That's all that any of us can do.

i think i finally found the group that knows what i;m going through.
i think i am still at the beginning of the trail... maybe your wisdom will help me wise up. married 7 yrs. got 2 kids - 4 and 1 yr old. really really trying to juggle it all with work, the house, dog, kids, shopping, activities, hubby, parents... and i just don't feel like i have a handle on things.

i feel like i am alone most of the time. that i don't do it well enough. that i should be doing more. and in truth - i'm already wasted. gone. tired. i've given up.

although this is the life i chose for myself. it's not going the way i planned. stop the bus please.

Hi, Mikiweiser,

I've found that, for me at any rate, I'm my own worst critic -- and when I'm not, most of the time I'm imagining what a non-existent even-worse critic might think.

Don't give up! Instead, try to focus on one part of the juggle at a time, and don't be afraid to tell people that you're sorry but today just isn't their day (I tell housework this all the time...).

It gets easier as the kids get bigger (ours are 14, 12, 9, 3, and 1 -- sometimes, just having the youngest two to take care of is harder than handling all five at once!).

There is one more thing that you must add to your juggle, and that is yourself. If you're not taking care of yourself, you're not going to be able to take care of anyone or anything else. I'm totally guilty of not taking good enough care of myself, but there are little things I can do that don't take time away from the rest of the juggle but help recharge my batteries at the same time -- I love to cook, and bringing home a new ingredient and then finding a new way to use it makes me feel creative, which makes me feel vital again. If my energy is really low, giving myself permission to call it a day and just go to bed helps, too.

I'm glad you found Work It, Mom! The women here are really smart, encouraging, and helpful, and we understand -- at least in part! -- where you're coming from. Having a network of people who are willing to listen can help reduce that horrible "overwhelmed" feeling...

Take care...

I have to say that, what some peoplethink fits the mold of a "GOOD MOM" is not necessarily what makes a good mom. I consider myself a darn good mom to my kids and leave the crafting to my sons teachers.

I do not make original costumes because I am not the one wearing them and it's not for me. If my son wants to be superman out of a bag...cool but if another wants to make that special costume that is cool too.

I do not drive a mini van(yet) but am thinking about it because it's comfortable and want my plates to read "2sxy" LOL.

I would like to be a part of the PTA at some level just to be involved in my childrens schooling to some degree.

With that said, to each his own. I can barely make the time to think about myself let alone what other people are thinking about me.

I try to say to myself "you are doing the best you can" and that is what matters most. The proof is in my kids. Who they will grow up to be. It's important to me that my kids grow up to be good people and they have self worth.

It's too bad women can be so critical of other women but the reality is they are. Spokane pinned it "insecurity".



I chuckle at the stereo types

It takes us 45 minutes to walk out the door in the morning, A changes her clothes and I lose my patience dozens of times.
I always forget what day we have signed up for show and tell.
I forget swimsuits on swimming day and leotards on gymnastics day.
If the teachers ask me for something, it usually takes 4-5 notes until I remember.
I find pushing the same swing for an hour straight, mind-numbing.
Sometimes on difficult bedtime nights, I'll say that I'll be back in a little bit, and then I don't go back.
Does this make me a bad mom?
I think that at least 5 times a day, I find myself comparing myself to other mothers all the time, and thinking that if I did things the way they did, everything would be better, and everyone would be happier.
It's nuts!!!
I found a fun book callled, "I was a really great mom before I had kids" it talks about the unrealistic expectations moms place on themselves. I'm not done with it, but it's been interesting.

Niki,
I can very vividly remember being looked down on and talked to in a very condoscending tone by some of the "perfect" "Stepford Wife" moms because I couldn't attend the "Mothers' Tea" at our daugther's school. And I wasn't the only one who got the attitude. And yet, it seemed that these "perfect" moms had kids who were the troublemakers and bullies. I know what you're talking about regarding the amount of time to get out in the am...or forgetting something for school...or everything you mentioned. Been there, done that - MANY TIMES, in fact.

I can also remember many years ago at my previous job talking to another lady, who had 2 kids (1 at VMI and 1 in HS). We were talking about our houses and she related to me that she STILL had sheets up over her windows - 5 years after she'd moved in. And that her house would never grace the cover of House Beautiful. She just didn't have the time. BTW, she was a Firearms Examiner for a forensics lab. Considering that she always impressed me as being someone who really had it all together, I was secretly relieved to hear that she was just like the rest of us...

So there's enough dust bunnies on my wood floors to create another 2 animals... And I can't even get my car in the garage because of all the crap that's in there. Or that my lawn has so many friggin' weeds in it that it's simply easier to mow them rather than seed. Or I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle with the biohazard room my daughter calls a bedroom.

I really thought I was alone. I came to realize I wasn't. AND I came to realize that I'm NOT a bad mom because of it either.

Wow, this is a great thread. There are so many expectations put on moms and I think it really makes us harder on ourselves.

When my oldest son was born, he was in the hospital for 8 days and took a bottle. He tried the breast once, but the nurse swabbed me with alcohol first and he refused to touch it again. So he was bottlefed, which women on the STREET would criticize me for! When my second son was born, I half-heartedly tried breastfeeding . . . hated it and supplemented with bottles until three months and then quit. We were both happier. SO was my toddler who was only 18 months old at the time. And yet, I felt the need to hide the fact that I was bottle feeding my baby because everyone was so against the idea.

The reasons others might think I´m a bad mom:
- I am a horrible housekeeper, I leave everything on the floor until the end of the day rather than clean it up a zillion times.

- I give my kids instant mashed potatoes for breakfast.

- My 2 year old still sleeps with a bottle.

- I sometimes put my kids to bed at 6 pm because I need some peace and quiet.

But, I´m also a good mom because:
- I love my kids and do anything to protect them.
- I allow them to explore their world and be open with their findings.
- My goal is to raise children who are going to be self-reliant, happy adults.

After all, what´s more important, that they grow up loved and happy, or that they live in a spotless house?

Genesis,
I can relate to most of your reasons <VBG>

And I'd like to add something. I've been around moms who are SO phobic about their kids getting dirty that it's not funny. I recently saw a report (can't remember which program it was on) that talked about this very thing. That one of the reasons kids get sicker more often is they don't have the immunities built up because we're always making them wash or not get dirty. That kids don't get out and play in the mud or rain or dirt the way we used to. Jeez, I can remember making sawdust mudpies and coming home covered from head to toe. Mom would direct me to the basement shower. And I didn't get 1/2 as sick as kids do today.

Am I a bad mom cause I don't mind my daughter coming home covered in something? Nope...as long as I can hose her down and it doesn't stink up the bathroom or carpets...let'er have at it!

Great point about the dirt and immunities. I think it does make you more prone to sickness if you are completely sanitized all the time. My girls were licked by the dogs, and crawled across the floor that needed to be swept. Once when A was about 8 months old she tried to eat a handful of dirt. My Grandma nearly had a fit. However, I can count on my 2 hands the number of times both girls have been to the doctor for an illness and not just their routine yearly check-up.
And yet, other mom's that hear these stories, or see the girls playing with the dog or working out in the mud with me etc, look horrified and give me the "I would never....." look.
It's hard for me to not second guess myself, but I'm trying.

You know what . . .You are all great moms!! Say it out loud ' I AM a good Mom'
So many 'perfect moms' have skeletons that we don't even want to go there. I figure my skeletons aren't in the closet - they're hanging right out there on the clothesline for all to see! LOL
RE: Dirt - I grew up a tomboy with a brother and all his friends, I was daddy's lilttle girl and loved to spend time with him fixing this or that and YES I got dirty, mud pies, worm digging, frog catching dirty and WOW I am still alive to tell about it!
My son would rather play in the dirt pile than play soccer and I am okay with that - we have a hose and a washing machine & a bath tub and this stuff called soap. He is perfectly capable of entertaining himself for hours without use of electronics or organized activities.
In the town where I live there is a big antique tractor festival every year at a local orchard & farm market. Every year they get phone calls asking the question "what is there for kids? Do you have a bouncy bounce or carnival rides, no, well what DO you have for kids?" the answer . . . we have fresh air, trees to climb, 10 acres of plowed dirt, 30 acres of open fields, mud puddles if it rains or water to make your own, oh yeah and tractors of every shape color & size. Just a little country humor I guess.

Dirt is great! I used to play in it all day. We are building our house still and there are piles of dirt and trenches all over the place that my 2 year old just loves. He also likes to play with a tub of water, pouring water on the ants and mixing it with dirt, etc. I see nothing wrong with this, but since we live in Guatemala . . . I keep having people telling me that I´m going to KILL my children!

Here they are super paranoid. But guess what? My boys, who crawl on not so clean floors and play with dirt and water and rocks . . . are the healthiest kids in our town! Their cousin, who is never allowed to play outside, is in the hospital for various problems several times a year and my boys have never been to the hospital apart from my toddler´s surgeries to correct a birth defect.

Niki,
Did you see the movie "Cheaper by the Dozen" with Steve Martin? Your comment re: telling stories to some other mothers brought to mind the scene where the family moves into their new house across the street from the "perfect" mom with the kid who craves to be just a kid, and not some yuppie clone of her. Even the dad wants to play. The sad thing is, I've KNOWN a few mothers like that and it's really sad. I really feel sorry for the kid(s) 'cause they'll never really know what it's like to be a kid.

Just a short here - when my daughter was about 2 or 3, a neighbor's son (who was 8 or 9 at the time) took her out into the wetlands are directly behind our townhouses. The creek that meandered thru it was only a few inches deep and they were within hearing distance the whole time. I thoroughly trusted the boy, who has ALWAYS treated my daughter like a little sister (tho he did confide to his mom that 6 years age difference wasn't that much when he was 30 and her 24 and he might want to ask her to marry him <VBG>, but for now, she was his "sister" LOL). I figured he knew the area and wouldn't let her get into anything she shouldn't. I was right... The reason I tell this is that I personally know of some Stepford moms who'd have a total heart attack. Now, considering I practically grew up on a farm in the mountains of Appalachia, this kind of thing wasn't foreign to me, nor was I afraid of it. It was simply a part of a normal childhood. Have some gotten so phobic that they're actually harming their kids instead of helping?

JDaffron,
I love Cheaper by the Dozen. That "perfect mom" scene cracks me up.

You are right, some people would probably have a heart attack over that simple, and probably terrifically fun adventure.
I think that too often kids grow up not being able to make the right decisions because they can't make any decisions because their entire life is scripted for them, because they are never out of their parent's sight. We have always encouraged the girls to decide things for themselves. (I say we because my husband goes along with this philosophy against his better judgment). They are never punished as long as they tell the truth, and they always have input in making any decision concerning them.
My husband and father in law think I'm a little nuts for taking the input of a 3 and 5 year old seriously, but 9 times out of 10, they give the same input that I would give, and they are very good girls.

Ahh, I love the comments about "Perfect Moms -- before we/they had kids!" I have a group of friends I call "The Corporation" -- very tongue-in-cheek -- because they are beautiful, fun, smart, savvy, and their kids have made it into high school alive! They would never dream to use the word "perfect" for themselves, but when I first met them I thought they were all supermoms. Now that I know them I see they are just like all of us -- trying our best, sometimes losing it, deeply committed to raising good kids, trying to remember our sense of humor, living with the intention of doing good. But the name has stuck and we all use it now. You should see them do a volunteer project, though -- they are an assembly line! I can't wait to go back and read all the comments here!

Ohhh, y'all would have identified with me last friday. I, my 10 yo and her friend stood in line for 3 hours to get into the David Cook concert (which will be aired on American Idol this week). We brought blank t-shirts and markers so as to keep the girls occupied, and they sat on the sidewalk making #1 fan shirts. After that they got bored, and at one point ended up on their knees in front of a puddle, looking for insects. I had purposely let mine wear some old tennies knowing there would be lots of mud. Some "Stepford Moms" whose perfect little "Stepford Children" all looked like they had just come from a salon where in line behind me. Talk about high maintenance. Color coordinated top to bottom. They even had hair bows that matched their official David Cook shirts. These perfect moms weren't content to stand there looking perfect. No. They began to discuss VERY LOUDLY HOW MUCH THEY HATED DIRT, AND JUST COULD NEVER ALLOW THEIR KIDS TO GET DIRTY. At which point I turned around and looked them square in the eye. Didn't say a word, just raised one eyebrow. When the gates finally opened they were telling their kids how to run and get the best seat. My kid asked where to go and I said "you pick honey, just not any where next to those people!" FYI, when it was all over the girls said it had been the most awesome time of their lives!

Mac,
How much you wannta bet that those "Stepford Children" are gonna be HIGH MAINTENANCE for many years to come? I pity their prespective beaus.

It just baffles me that anyone would intentionally teach their children to put so much emphasis on outward appearance. It's really a shame.
I know what my girls are like, and if I tried to get all of us out the door perfectly groomed and matched, we would never get anywhere. If we can be fully clothed and have brushed hair and teeth, it's a god morning. If they want to wear blue pants and an orange shirt and pink sparkly flip-flops, I think, "Good for you, be your own person!"
From time to time I'll catch the looks of the "Perfect moms" and I really want to drive into a big puddle and splash them from head to toe, but that particular opportunity hasn't presented itself.

Niki,
The pagent moms do it all the time to their kids- putting so much emphasis on the outward appearance, I mean.

My daughter WAS high maintenace for about a year or so during middle school. But it was the anthesis of the perfectly coffed kids. She'd take an hour doing hair and clothes and racoon eyes to come out looking like she'd been dumpster diving. We were in mist of the punk phase at that time and we didn't take her out with us much cause I flat out told her that there's a time and place for everything and certain places you go, you don't look like you just climbed out of a dumpster, no matter how "me" this is. It's a lot better now (she's way past the safety pins and holes in the tights, i.e. trash bin look), tho I totally despise the nose ring (gotten after she turned 18). She'll NEVER EVER be the yuppie kid (at least maybe not while I'm alive anyway), but quite frankly, I'm totally relieved that she's not now nor ever would be a Stepford child. Thank God for that. I don't want them, I don't need them, and quite frankly, I feel nothing but pity for them.

I don't post very often, but check out this site regularly. Well today is just one of those days.
I have 2 boys, 6 and 1 year - my little guy is sick today. Not with anything horrible he just has a cold. I have been feeling AWEFUL for 2 days because I take him to daycare. I mentally know he is fine - he loves to play with the other kids & is well cared for. That said - I feel like the worst mom is the world! The heart strings are being tugged and pulled every direction possible!
And then there is my 6 year old. We placed him in our parish school and not only do I suck at being the mother of a school age child; it's so hard to keep up with the SAHM network that goes on there. I try to make it to the "mom’s events" that they hold. In fact, went to 2 that were in the evenings because they stated "we know everyone has busy schedules, let's get together in the evening". Well, can I say - NEVER again? I went one of these a second time out of my own naivety and what a mistake. I was literally chastised in front of the group. A woman actually said out load that she could not believe that I put my baby in daycare at only a few months old (well - we all don’t have hubby's who make $200k a year and live off our trust funds - BZ!).
It gets better! Then, someone in the group asked everyone who worked "outside the home". (So ridiculous, but I am not ashamed) I was 1 of 2 women who raised their hands (out of about 20 moms) and that woman throws inn, but "only part-time". I am so tempted to send my son to the local public school - but that would not be fair to him.
I can respect those who choose to be SAHMs; why can't they do the same? Why do they act like a bunch of judgmental high school age prisses? I know being a SAHM is not easy - that's probably part of the reason I work! But, can't we get the same respect for the sacrifices we make as working mothers, too! We are all women for goodness sake! Where's the love?
So, I am slowly remembering why I made the choices I have made. I think it’s important that we as Working Moms/Wives/Women do this daily. I am confident that I have made the right choices for my family and will continue to do so. Negative comments from the Dr. Lauras of the world BE gone!
It's nice to at least have this site where we can vent and I am glad to see I am not alone.

JDaffron-I've given a lot of thought to handling the teen rebellion. I remember when I did my own punk/goth thing, and I'm not sure what I'll do. Thanks for the insight.

Amanda-Yikes! I've seen it, and heard about it before, but I'm always shocked by how harsh mothers can be to each other. It's a shame that you can't infilitrate the "club" at your son's school. Just take comfort in knowing that you make the best choices for your family.
I usually take comfort in daydreaming about the karmic comeuppence that is surely lurking around some perky color-coordinated corner waiting for the Stepford clones. I know, not very grown-up, but it makes me feel a little less crazy.
The moms here are all awesome, looking forward to getting to know you!!

As a married working mom I have always been impressed by single moms - wow being two complete people - more than I think I could handle. Currently I respect you 100 times more. my husband had the opportunity to lead a Rotary trip abroad for 30 days - a huge honor and opportunity so right now I am "single" mom, dad and running our garage door business, and trying to maintain the technology for my husband abroad who is NOT a techy.
2 weeks before he left our ridge died, replaced that, 1 week before he left the washing machine died - I am utilizing the laundry at the apartment house we own for now, my house is lucky to see a vaccum every 2-3 weeks and dishes I can't even admit the days of dishes that are in my sink and the laundry (although clean) that needs to be folded. But do you know what. Sunday morning, my 8yo came bounding into my room at 5:15am with a big hug & kiss and Happy Mother's Day wish. He then led me into the living room where he had meticulously arranged on the coffee table a card, poem, bouquet of hand made flowers and a small beehive sculture he'd made. And he turned on the coffee maker so I awoke to fresh brewed coffee. There was not a child more proud or loving at that moment nor was there a more perfect mom , in his eyes.
So stepford families be damned - yes my kid gets diret and yes he has gone to school with dirt under his finger nails (although we DO try to avoid that) No he's isn't a soccer star nor musical protege nor skipping 2-3 grades at a time, but you know what - He is HAPPY & Healthy. He respects his elders, he shows empathy and consideration of others feelings and he is able to carry on conversations with adults and he even thinks - ALL BY HIMSELF.
So my hats off to all single working moms and married working moms and at home moms who have dirty or clean floors, are chefs or eat take out but the one thing they share is that they LOVE their children unconditionally!

"JDaffron-I've given a lot of thought to handling the teen rebellion. I remember when I did my own punk/goth thing, and I'm not sure what I'll do. Thanks for the insight."

Niki D - The only thing I'm praying for is that all the rebeillion will be finished by the time she hits college or by the time she finishs. I do feel that I'm blessed in that she has a part-time job in the industry she wants to be in...photography. She works weekends at Portrait Innovations. She wants to go into graphic arts and photography, perferably advertising and we've been told by numerous teachers that she's very good. She's defintely artsy (gets it from her paternal Grandmother), so the Stepford child she'll never be. There were times that we had to leave her behind cause she refused to dress normally. And those were the times that we told her that there are some places you just do NOT go to looking like a dumpster queen. She's been taught etiquette and manners, as well as taken to some of the best restaurants and theaters, so it's not like she's uncultured. In the last year or so, particularly when she went after the job at PI, she had to learn the proper way to dress for applying and interviewing for a job. No more am I hearing "it doesn't matter what I look like when I go pick up an application." And GASP! she even told me about a friend of hers who came to apply for a job at her work, looking like she used to and you should have HEARD the distain in her voice. My, my....could mom have been RIGHT?????? She'll NEVER admit it... <VBG>

On that note, I don't know about any body else here who has HS age kids, but I do NOT understand why schools don't teach these kids how to dress and how to conduct themselves in an interview. I remember being told and examples being given. And I went to a very small rural school. Then again, that was 35 years ago. Apparently the high schools don't do this anymore and the kids think they can waltz into an interview wearing God knows anything they want and are shocked when they don't get called back.
Well....DUH!