Group Discussions

If you could share one piece of parenting advice with a new mom, what would it be?

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  For me, if I had to pick one, I think it would be to trust that your kids and you will make it OK through what seem like ridiculously challenging times. All those nights when my daughter didn't sleep or days she refused to eat or cried for hours -- I thought this was it, this is going to be horrible forever. But nothing is forever

  Flag as inappropriate Posted by Nataly on 10th July 2008
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  I still consider myself a pretty new mom since my son just turned 1 about a month ago, but to contribute, I would say what I have learned in this brief period is that no matter how good of a mom you are, you could be even a better mom if you took care of yourself first (emotionally, physically, and spiritually).

  Flag as inappropriate Posted by Farnaz H. on 10th July 2008
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  One piece of advice I took to heart was -- have rules, stick to them but everyone, including kids need a break from rules sometimes. So we started a "Break the Rules Day" and it's so much fun. It's great for all of us. It can be as silly as staying in pajamas all day to having ice cream for lunch. It makes following rules and being good all the other days worth it when we can all just be silly and break the rules for a day!
  Try it -- you'll have so much fun with the kids and you'll see them smile all day long!

  Flag as inappropriate Posted by bPattee on 10th July 2008
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  I'd have to say that now that my daughter is 15, my biggest piece of advice would be to relax and forget about creating the perfect child! The most important thing is to be a good role model as a mom, wife and individual, and if you are, as your child grows up, he or she will gravitate to being just like you! Try to enjoy the childhood years and not get too stuck on if you're doing everything right!
  
  And I agree with Farnaz - definitely take care of yourself, there's no way to later make up for years of unnecessarily sacrificing yourself.

  Flag as inappropriate Posted by Kim on 10th July 2008
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  Oh, Farnaz, I really love that -- it's a great reminder, actually. My daughter is four and I still feel guilty going out for an hour on weekends to get a manicure...

  Flag as inappropriate Posted by Nataly on 10th July 2008
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  I would say relax. There are so many forces out there telling you what kind of parent makes a good parent. It can be very stressful. If you are kind, nurturing, forgiving, and thoughtful, then you're doing your job. If you have fair rules then you are doing okay. It is impossible for other people to know your child the way you do. Trust yourself.
  
  Being a parent isn't easy. You will make mistakes. I was just telling my husband that my first child was lucky he made it to his 1st birthday because I made so many mistakes. Nothing extremely bad like driving away with him on the roof of the car but I did make mistakes.
  
  I guess I would give two pieces of advice. The second one is remember that your kids are not going to be perfect. They are not always going to eat all their vegetables or wash their hands. There's a lot of pressure on new parents to be *perfect* and we pass this on to our children. It's okay to fall. The greatest feeling in the world is getting back up again! It is okay if they are perfectly imperfect. I guess that goes along with relax. ; )

  Flag as inappropriate Posted by jenns1125 on 10th July 2008
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  My advice would be to remember that kids are designed to be raised by humans, not saints. Do your best, but cut yourself some slack. And by all means, cut your partner some slack too. You and your hubby do not have to practice carbon copy parenting. Kids understand that moms and dads do things differently, and that 'inconsistency' doesn't scar them, it just prepares them for all the other inconsistent people they'll deal with during their lives.
  Mary, mom to 10

  Flag as inappropriate Posted by Mary O. on 10th July 2008
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  I'm a working mom (outside the home) but, somehow, my three children survived having me as a mom. They are now 33, 30 & 26. There is no such thing as a perfect mom or a perfect child or a perfect situation. The first piece of advice is to love the children. The second is to read to them, even before they understand. Of course, what's needed in the way of advice changes as the ages change. Overall, for the career women who are mothers, I'd say to remember, even in times of guilt-trips, that the best mom is the happy mom. If you are satisfied in your career, you will be a happy person and that will carry over into your relationship with your children.
  Sherry
  www.blondesherry.blogspot.com

  Flag as inappropriate Posted by Blonde Sherry Humor from a Has-Been on 10th July 2008
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  I am trying my hardest just to let my daughter see how much I love her, and how thrilled I am to see her after a long day, and I think it's helping her grow up into a more secure girl.

  Flag as inappropriate Posted by JC on 10th July 2008
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  With a 15 year old boy with anger and anxiety issues, and a 6 yr old girl who has been the complete opposite of her brother-it's been a bumpy road at times. For me, realizing that my children were complete opposites but each had their own sets of strengths and weaknesses was important. I can't predict what the future will bring, or the challenges I will face as a mother in the days to come, so I take each day at a time.

  Flag as inappropriate Posted by Michele on 10th July 2008