I am going to preface this by saying that I know I am making a big deal out of nothing.

This morning my daughter's preschool had a drop-in parents breakfast - you know, some bagels and juice and a chance for parents to meet each other and the kids rather than do the usual quick drop off. My husband and I both came - then he left for work after a few minutes while I stayed to hang out a bit more. I started talking to another mom and mentioned something about the field trip the kids took on Tuesday. She asked if I went with them and I said yes, it was great. She then said: "Oh, well, that's great, you're lucky you don't have a high pressure job so you can do stuff like that."

It wasn't the words, it was the tone. She has no idea what I do. But as soon as she heard that I took 1/2 day to chaperone the field trip in her mind, I didn't have a serious career.

I don't even care about this, what makes me sad is once again, moms judging each other, and here we're two busy, tired working moms who could be bonding.

yea i hate that too. Although the ladies at my kids school are weird. They know I work from home and they get all cranky when I DON"T volunteer. I've volunteered for feild trips and all sorts of fun things, but on the occasion when i'm busy doing something. They either scorn you because you don't have a "real" job or scorn you because you're not doing enough of the "mom duty".

either way.. i totally feel your pain.

I gave up caring about those moms. At my kids school, everyone knows who I am. I'm there at least once a week. We recently had a thankgiving dinner put on by some parent volunteers. Someone close to me at the school overheard one parent of one of my kids classmate's saying something to the effect "she is home all day, I don't understand why she's not here in this kitchen with us" Again it wasn't the words, it was the tone they implied. When said person was informed I was in the hospital with a child who was having surgery that morning, the complainer wouldn't relent. Oh it must be nice to be able to do that I think was the reaction. I'm so sorry you have to deal with women like that. It really is disheartening. Know that not every working mom is like that.. I just wish that was the exception to the rule, not the status quo.

SweetyPi, I'd take a moment to expound upon Catholic virtues the next time you see that mom. ;)

Nataly, that sucks. I hate those invisible battle lines that some insecure women feel the need to draw, just so that they can feel like they're important.

Now, comebacks:

SweetyPi: "You're right. I cannot believe I was so clueless about what makes a good mom. Here I thought it was all about being there for my daughter during her surgery, when really, it's about making a show for you. Thank you for enlightening me. I'll keep it in mind next time."

Nataly: "Yep" said with a very cool smile. It will drive her batshit.

those are great come backs

Nataly--I honestly think that the problem is a need to dump her sh*t on someone else. It is a passive aggressive way to do a psychological hit and run on you. She is trying to get a quick pick me up, and put you down....too bad for her.

Kimberly, as usual, your wit amazes me!!LOL. I'll have to remember that. I mean it's not the kid's fault their mother's clueless, but i can't imagine what kind of example that mom lends to her daughter... ok, so I digress, I'm not about the confront the "mom" of pta about her indiscretions when it comes to comments like that. I was trying to avoid saying it was a woman that made that comment, but I guess it was a give away.

I'm with mamajama--someone is dumping their guiltys on you. My favorite is 'Why would you ever think (say, ask) that?" and say it very kindly with lots of concern...putting up with crap like that is something I've stopped doing. I have no time or patience for that baloney.

I'd add, "How disappointing that you have so little understanding of my work." Of course, don't follow it with an explanation. People like that have already made up their minds.

LOVE the comebacks - I am so bad at coming up with great ones on the spot!

And I think many of you are right - this mom is dumping her issues on me and I can totally let that go. It just felt like a double punch, you know? Here's another working mom, let's just freakin bond and vent together! I mean, we don't need to sit around a fire and tell working mom stories, but respecting each other?

I'll see if I can work something witty into a conversation with her in the future

Yeah, I'm very good at the cutting snark and the passive agressive warfare. It helps that I'm not invested in being "nice." Kind? Compassionate? Generous? Thoughtful? Absolutely. But I don't do "nice."

Kimberly, I love that you point out that you don't have to be "nice" to be all those other things.

wow Kimberly! can you write an article on that philosophy? i am so stuck in 'nice' it's insane. i think that might be why some of these other moms are so ... insulting. basically they are jealous that they havent been able to say NO.

all you can do is smile and pretend you missunderstood what they said and say 'ooh thank you!' because really you do understand - they are compliementing you with their jealousy!

I totally agree with the nice stuff - it is a no win game. These are the women are hell bent on martyrdom and they will always out sacrafice and out effort you. Screw it - not worth your energy. Not that they don't suck me in from time to time, but then I take a look at my happy, healthy kids and think oh well, glad I don't have their life ~

Ah so you all inspired me yesterday. This dumb lady at my kids school is probably one of the saddest, most annoying women i've ever had the displeasure of meeting. She went and bought her own crossing guard uniform just so she can tell people where and where not to park.

I pulled up to the spot i ALWAYS park in and was waiting in the car for school to let out. I have a really bad infection on my leg right now and find that walking is a bit tough and this lady comes up and knocks on my window. On all the days I didn't bring my dog with me (he's a rotty and can be quite intimidating to look at although he's a sweet heart). She tells me I need to move, that no one can park in front of me although there was easily a good 50 feet of open terrain in front of my car. I told her as kindly as I could that I would not be moving, as I was meeting my son at this spot and I couldn't walk. Then she told me that if i was going to get out of my car, i'd have to park somewhere else. I started to move my car then thought of you all and told this bossy woman that until someone from the school came out and told me to move, that i'd be happily sitting there...and that I was sorry that she hadn't been laid in years, but to please not take it out on all the other mom's who are just trying to pick up their kids. LOL!! Oh, it was WONDERFUL!! of course she immediately ran into the office, to report me probably, and then proceeded to gather some of the mother hens around her to point and glare at my car. But OH it felt soooo good. ... just wanted to share

um...Msyt? I was cheering you on right up until the "sorry you haven't been laid" part. That's where you lost the moral authority and went from "not nice" to "mean." There are the tings we say out loud, and the things we say in our heads. You crossed the line there, babe.

Well... i felt bad, so i apologized.. I walked up to her and told her that I was out of line with my remark. That I'd been dealing with some health issues and it made me extra cranky. And that under no circumstances was I in any way right to say what I had said. Made me feel better Although I think i shot myself in the foot for ever becoming a part of the mom's clique. lol. Thats ok though. This lady got so mad at someone else yesterday that she purposefully bashed in their car with her walking stick. I guess i'm glad I apologized... i'd hate for her to do something like that to my new car.

Guess i learned my lesson though.

Good for you Myst. It's hard to admit that you went over the line, and even harder to correct it!

That woman? With the walking stick and the car? LAPPED the line. She should be reported to the office, if not the police.

yea, she's definitely a little out there... i'm not sure what ended up happening with the man and his car in the end.. i have to admit though, it's definitely entertaining to watch this woman get upset with so many people every day. If I could I'd pull up a recliner and some popcorn and just watch hehe.