My question is whether all of the other member mothers would work if they didn't *have* to, financially?

I would work, but I would do something that did not require me to make a lot of money and something that was personally rewarding. I need the intellectual stimulation and I am way too Type A to not feel like I am achieving something outside of being a mom.

I would totally work as well! It's just boring not to do anything and i need to be challenged. I need to feel the sense of accomplishment. I also think that if you don't work, you lose another dimension to yourself.

I agree that I would work, or do *something* work-related, but I think to say that you lose a dimension to yourself by not working is a little harsh; in fact, many of my SAHM friends would be somewhat offended by that statement.

That's kind of how I look at it for myself. I'm a super Type A and staying at home would not work for me. I need to have my own life and my own identity and i need to fulfill my intellectual curiosity. Staying at home would just not do it for me. I'm too driven and those who do choose to stay at home would probably disagree with this.

I do think we could look a this "type A" thing and the "losing a dimension of yourself comment" in another way. I have two young children and I have worked and not worked at various times. I find that staying at home FT with children can in fact be extremely challenging intellectually and of course physically. I find these little beings fascinating and a mystery. So whatever intellectual stimulation I may not be getting by working out of the home, I certainly got when dealing with my children. If you slow down enough to really observe them and spend a lot more time with them, your young children will open a dimension to you that you never you knew you could have. I suggest that type A women would be the most challenged and potentially have the best time spending more time with their children because the kids are extremely interesting and challenging beings, more so than virtually any adult you've met. Professional careers, work is great and I love it too but our kids will only be this age once and need us in this way only once. So any woman who can figure out what works best for her have it all - congrats to you.

I also want to just note that 'stay at home' has become a meaningless phrase since any mom who spends a lot of time with their kids knows that you don't actually spend that much time at home. As very active adults used to keeping a busy schedule, I think many of us are equally as active with our kids.

I don't "have" to work, but I like to get out of the house and have some different interactions than my stay-at-home days. I have it good because I get to work part time...

What's interesting to me is WHY do moms work. I think quite a few moms could afford to stay at home. It's just a matter of adjusting your life to the new lifestyle. Maybe it would require selling that large apartment and moving into a smaller place or cutting out those lush vacations or not eating out as much as you used to. There are ways to make it work for some moms. Of course it would be tougher for single moms who have to provide for their family. But if you are married and could adjust your lifestyle to stay at home - would you? Or is it too hard to give up those vacations and not have that nice SUV? What IS the REAL driver to work? Is it to preserve material things in our life? Is it purely intellectual? Is it to avoid boredom? Is it passion for something that makes you want to continue doing it? For some people I'm sure it's a mix of all of these factors. It would be a great study if we could allocate % to each reason why we work. I also think that results would vary by geography and culture.

A lot of working moms with whom I've spoken say they like what they do and wish they could do it part-time. I think many of us feel that way. The problem is that it's not always easy to find a rewarding job that can be done part-time. Sara, what do you do that you get to work that way? ( I am envious

I agree with Nataly; I would love my job if it were part-time. I would kill for that flexibility; the best of both worlds...

Right now, while my children are so young (3 and 1) I'd say no, I'd rather be a SAHM. But once they're in school, I'd want to own my own used bookstore. But now, I'm in a job that pays our bills (and daycare!) and provides needed health benefits. But its at a cost.

Ally - I totally agree - the best of both worlds! For me work is a huge combination of things, certainly the money is important, but also the technology, the intellectual stimulation, the social aspect (going out to lunch with adults!) and multitude of perspectives on all sorts of subjects.

However, when all is said and done, yeah - it's the money that keeps me working. If I didn’t work we wouldn’t be able to afford to live within 50 miles of our current home... my husband is awesome and his job provides and amazing daycare for our son all 5 minutes from our house - but his salary is about 1/3rd of mine and you just can't live off of that around here!

We could probably get along financially with my not working, but there are so many other things to consider. First, I don't really feel that my husband should bear the financial burden of the family when I am educated and capable of earning a good salary. Second, I read recently in a magazine that being a SAHM is really only a temporary job (about 15 years or so) and I agree. So if you quit the work force for 15-18 years, then you've lost all of that time enhancing your career skills, not to mention it being a lot of time not to be contributing to a retirement plan. I don't want to lose the career edge and, right now, seeing my 83-year-old mother not have enough money to spend her later years in a decent place has spurred me on even more to contribute heftily to my retirement account.

My boys are 11 and 8. They don't know what it's like to have me stay at home. They're great kids (so far) and feel loved and cared for. That was my primary objective -- to ensure that even if I was at work, I would ALWAYS be there when they needed me, and I have been. Thank God my job is family-friendly and I can leave at a moment's notice to pick up a sick kid at school. I'd love to work part-time, but I don't want to give up the money. I always figured that if I have (or choose) to work, then I'd make sure that they went to a great summer camp (they do) and that we'd take fabulous vacations (we do). I know so many SAHM's whose families are barely getting by and they haven't had a vacation in years. Besides, I know myself, and if I stayed home, I'd be addicted to soap operas, weigh 300 pounds, and we'd be bankrupt because, in between soap operas and bon bons, I'd be shopping. Yup, very little self discipline here.

If I didn't have to work, I would still want to do something part-time to keep a routine. Without a routine I would get lost in all the tasks I have to do at home as a wife and mother and I would become unhappy and bored.

I would like to volunteer at my sons school or even at a nursing home reading to seniors.I would want to do something that allowed me to be home with my son in the afternoons.

Kathy,

I just read your post and I agree with you 100%. I don't want to give up the two salaries, vacations, and the life we have become used to. I live in Florida but I am from Long Island and I enjoy going home to see my family several times a year. If we lived on one salary, I would have to stop taking those random trips to see parents, siblings, and friends. Additionally, we would have to give up other family vacations, weekend getaways to Disney (I live an hour from Orlando). I don't think we would be a happy family if had to give up so many of the fun things we love to do together.

Lastly, there is my retirement to think about. I want to have my own retirement plan just in case my husband decides to dump me when we are 55. I don't forsee this happening, but then again, who does? You always need a safety net.

Thanks Lori! I also wanted to mention that my kids' lives are richer because we have lots of great family memories of vacations we've taken, and they're always learning something when we go away. Recently, my 11 year old joined Boy Scouts, and we just happen to be in time for their week-long summer camp. About $400 later, he's fully stocked and raring to go. If I didn't work, we wouldn't be able to send him at the drop of a hat.

I have to constantly remind myself of these things when I'm sitting at my desk BORED with my job!

If I was financially independent I would still work at something. In fact, I'd probably at what I do now, just on a bigger scale.

My whole identity is not "mom", and that is very important to me. It's also important to me that I set an example for my child of what a woman is - - and to me, that is whatever she wants to be. That I am clever and creative and ambitious and that my life, while it includes my family, is not solely about my family.

I have this real belief that in order to give of ourselves, we have to give to ourselves. For me, that means giving myself permission and space to include all facets of who I am. And part of me, is a hard worker who enjoys working.

I would say yes to working whether I had to or not. That's just how I'm wired. I've been blessed to have jobs with flexibility. When my daughter, Sarah, was born seven years ago, I was working for a "virtual" company where I would only have to go in for meetings and work from my home office. I loved that flexibility with my daughter and got to spend 18 months with her. I went back full time after that and haven't looked back since. Of course, I have the luxury of two "early-retired" parents who are now taking care of the kids while I work and loving every minute of it since they didn't get to do that with my sister and I when we were little. I realize this is not the norm and am grateful every day.

I had the same flexibility with my job for my son, Jake, who is now 2. I just went back full time in February 2007.

While I was on maternity leave with my son, I was approached by former colleagues to help them with marketing. My company, ALB MarCom (www.albmarcom.com) was born out of that to provide marketing services to companies in high tech and pharma/biotech industries. Working full time now and not able to take on much side projects at the moment, I still keep one client for a few hours a week. Lastly (but not leastly ) I've just created two new blogs, http://lifeisablogbyannb.blogspot.com and http://lifeinmarketing.blogspot.com to talk about my personal and career experience, which hopefully will help and/or inspire others.

When do I have time to spend with my kids? Every waking moment when I'm not doing the above. I do all work when they (including my husband, Al) are in bed since I'm a night owl. Life is hectic but happy.

Since having turned 40 in August, I'm torn between staying in corporate USA or doing my own thing. I find having a 9 to 5 is easier these days, if that makes any sense at all! I've been going back and forth about what I want to do lately...anyone feeling that way????