Do you think women can truly support and promote each other without judgment or insecurity?

Talk about this week's poll!

I think it takes some practice.

We're taught to be competitive - win the better boyfriend, the most attention, etc, etc. BUT we can break that cycle and feel great about ourselves and cheer others on to their greatness as well!

This is something I've been working hard at lately. It's so easy to fall into the first-grade "I saw your shoes in the clearance bin" mentality, but I'm trying to use my powers for good and not evil. ;o)

I think it helps that as I've grown into adulthood, I've interacted with all types. I have friends who are 23 year old moms of 3, 42 year old lesbian moms, single moms with racially different dads, and I grew up in a white suburbian life. But this "loving the kids to death" bit is something that I know every mom has and it's definitely uniting.

A hearty, YES! But it does take the right environment. Usually smaller, more intimate groups of women are more congenial than large crowds. Creating my website has taught me so much. Whenever I have called on women to act in some way to support other women they have come through every time! I am so proud! I think the backstabbing begins when you get one insecure "bad egg" who begins to try to divide and conquer. I think if women who choose to create drama and negativity were thwarted right at the onset- goodwill could prevail. I also think that our society promotes "cattiness" with it's focus on who is prettier, younger, more successful...when we are made to feel inadequate we look for the inadequacies in others to make us feel better. We need to celebrate women of all shapes, sizes, cultures, ages, life-situations and recognize each woman as a valuable component of our community. (steps down off of soapbox)

I don't think this is a gender issue. The question could just as easily be whether *humans* are able to support each other without judgment or insecurity. A good person is a good person. Period.

And of course everyone here is great

OF COURSE WE CAN.

(And once again, I find myself agreeing with KatieK. People are people. Men may have different ways of expressing their insecurities, but we can all be pretty awful to each other.)

I think it comes with maturity. When you are confident and self-assured, you are far less likely to tumble into the pettiness of insecurity. I find it easier, year by year, to take genuine pleasure in others' accomplishments without feeling reduced by the comparison.

Which is not to say that we shouldn't all be striving for this level of confidence and security, at all points in our lives!

I like to call the opposite of supporting each other the "Cosmo" mentality. I read somewhere that we are taught to believe that women who seem to have it all (looks, success, smarts) are somehow bad. Therefore, we give ourselves permission to tear them down (especially behind their backs).

It's definitely an ugly game. Right now I'm just working on making sure that I'm not doing it myself (after all, I can only control my own behavior).

I think that one reason for becoming part of a community like this one here is a belief in, and a desire for, women supporting each other. Alt least that's one reason why I'm here.

There have been a lot of insightful comments already made in this conversation - this place is full of smart women!

It does take practice (Trudi), and confidence and maturity (MaryP), to rise above the culturally sanctioned backstabbing that's so often found among women. (Men may do it too, as KatieK and MaryP noted, but they're usually more - literally - in-your-face about it.) It can be easier to do this one-on-one or in small groups (dirtydiapersyndrome), and we have to be able to offer it ourselves (as mamajama says, we can only control our own behavior) without focusing so much on what we're getting. As Hilaryi notes, finding common ground is helpful too.

My own experience is that positive reinforcement - not just getting it, but also giving support and being appreciated for that - can help reduce the insecurities that lead to the competitiveness and backbiting, so it's kind of the opposite of a "vicious" circle.