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Have you ever heard someone say, “I would be happy only if I could find my soulmate?” Are you searching for yours?

The dictionary defines a soulmate as “someone with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity." When I found myself single again after my divorce, soulmate was a word I used often. After a failed relationship, you really begin to evaluate what you want in a future partner and believe that you should settle for no less than your true soulmate. Because, after all, if you find your soulmate your relationship is guaranteed to last, right?

But if a soulmate really your other half, then what we are waiting for is someone to come along and fill that void in our life, right? Seems to me that we are giving someone else a great deal of power over whether we are complete and happy. I don’t know about you, but I am not too comfortable with giving away my power.

The thought made me re-evaluate my definition of soulmate and my search for one. Like that great "Sex in the City" episode, What I found is that I needed to be my own soulmate before I would be able to attract one. If I could love myself unconditionally, then I did not need a soulmate to fulfill me. Wow! Talk about empowering.

Well, that revelation was only half the battle. The real challenge was learning to love myself unconditionally. After all, aren’t we all our own biggest critics?

So how did I do it? Three of the steps that I took toward loving myself unconditionally were forgiveness, gratitude, and acknowledgement.

Personally, I think forgiveness is the most important element. If you are not willing to forgive yourself and others for past mistakes, then you will never be able to love yourself unconditionally. A great definition of forgiveness is “letting go of the belief that you can change the past.” Isn’t that so true?  Forgiveness is about accepting what happened and moving forward; the inability to forgive keeps us stuck in the past ,reliving the mistakes or injustices over and over again.

Gratitude is another important concept. Living with gratitude allows us to appreciate ourselves and the world around us. As I have written many times, keeping a gratitude journal is a great way to turn your focus from all the perceived negativity in your life to the positive. Try it, complete this sentence; “I am grateful for ..."

Finally, there's acknowledgement. What do you acknowledge yourself for? It's a tough question. Acknowledgement forces you to look on a daily basis at all that you can and have accomplished in your life. As with gratitude, an acknowledgement journal is great for this. Take the time each day to acknowledge yourself.  You will finally find out how wonderful you really are.