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Families are getting smaller, and have been since the early 1960s, giving parents more time to devote to each child. As a result, parents today all seem to be pushing for “star” children. Children would benefit if parents could temper their own dreams. With parents of only children, the tendency to want their children to excel can be so focused that it becomes counter-productive. Here are suggestions to benefit both parent and child alike:

1.) Recognize your fantasies. Parents have fantasies about babies before they are born. While the fetus moves about in the womb, parents make predictions: "This will be a very active baby; this one's going to be an athlete." As years pass, the fantasies change. With an only child there is almost always a level of expectation that is too high. No matter how much you restrain it, it's there. If you're honest with yourself you'll recognize it, as will your child at a very young age.

Chances are your only will do well in one or more areas because of the special opportunities and attention singleness affords. Only children show up with more frequency among leaders; they are intellectually advantaged and socially well-adjusted. There’s no need to turn child-rearing into a competition in which your child must be the best -- best academically, best athletically, best dressed, best all-around camper. You will gain endless rewards from your child in respect, love, and consideration if you delight in her accomplishments and minimize her shortcomings as they surface. Forget the Presidency. It's one of countless options open to the only child.

2.) Perfection can backfire. Everyone, including children, needs something to strive for. When goals are attained, self-esteem is enhanced. But, if expectations are too high, a child's self-confidence may be undermined when she cannot reach parental goals, and her desire to succeed may vanish. As I point out in Parenting an Only Child, only children expend great amounts of effort and energy to satisfy their parents. Onlies can be very hard on themselves and rarely need additional pressure from their parents. Andrea Balfour endured the pressure for years before she got out from under it. In grade school, she recalls, "Once I asked my father to listen to a poem that I had to memorize for a class. The first time I went to him, I really didn't know it and he told me not to come back until I had it perfect. Only perfection was allowed. I performed perfectly until I left Tennessee to go to college. I almost flunked out after my first semester. Away from the constant observation of my parents, I felt free. I wanted to have fun and I did."