Cut off the crusts.
Make real cocoa.
Hang their drawings on the fridge.
Say the clay ashtray is what you always wanted.
Sing silly songs.
Make goofy faces.
Let them take off the training wheels.
Remind the Tooth Fairy about inflation.
Buy a good stain remover.
Remember when YOU misbehaved.
Let them keep the kitten.
If you don't know, say so.
Let Grandma spoil them.
Let them stay up just a little bit longer.
Lock up the good china.
Tickle.
Be a good sport.
Be a good friend.
Smile when your mother-in-law gives you advice.
ALL mothers are working mothers.
Ultimatums don't work.
Bribes work.
Hysteria will get you nowhere.
Their first summer at camp is murder.
Let them lick the spoon.
Learn lots of lullabies.
Learn to handle sleep deprivation.
Have an answer ready for "Where do babies come from?"
Don't flinch when they grow taller than you.
Going to college doesn't mean they won't come back.
Don't teach them to parallel park.
Be consistent.
Think quick.
Improvise.
Sympathize.
Remember: It's just a phase.
"Wait till your father gets home" is a cop-out.
"Because I said so" is a good reason.
Never tell them how much they'll inherit.
Teach them four precious words: "We can't afford it."
Smile when you change that diaper.
It's absolutely okay to say, "No".
Buy peanut butter in jumbo jars.
Run a credit line at the toy store.
Teachers ARE underpaid.
Learn the rules of football.
Your teenage daughter WILL find you embarrassing.
Potty training builds character (yours).
Sibling rivalry builds character (theirs).
Thirteen is too late to put them up for adoption.
Worry, worry, worry.
Childbirth is not for wimps.
Stretch marks are a badge of honor.
Half your brain leaves with the placenta.
Donate pre-pregnancy jeans to charity.
Don't read the label on baby formula.
With luck, they'll pay for their own therapy when grown.
No matter what, they'll always be your babies.
The older they get, the wiser you'll seem.
Just when you've got them figured out, they change.
Kiss it an make it better.
Make ice cube popsicles.
If you promised, do it.
Watch what you promise.
When in doubt, say "We'll see."
Bunk beds are cool.
You'll sometimes act just like YOUR mother.
Buy Permapress.
Use the honor system.
You can only shoot so much videotape.
Pose good questions.
Colic happens.
Cowlicks happen.
A dishwasher is not a luxury.
The new math is harder than the old math.
Let's hear it for leftovers.
Don't leave their teddy bear behind.
Learn to make daisy chains.
Not everyone can be a valedictorian.
They're never too old to scold.
They're never too big to hug.
