My mother got me a subscription to “Good Housekeeping” Magazine, knowing that I would smirk at it when I got it in the mail. She’s had a subscription for years, and thought it would be funny if I started getting it, because I was the last person in the world that anyone thought would have a baby, much less two in two years. Like a meteor shower out of nowhere, I had gone from girl obsessed with career to stay at home, married mother of two. I even baked cookies the other day. Mind blowing, if you ask my friends back in NY.
I really love being a mother and love being home right now with the babies, seeing the moment-to-moment changes in their adorable minds, bodies and souls but I do miss my other “kid”, my photography career that I labored over and nurtured for many years. I fretted, worried anxiously and strategized, just as I do now, in a different way. It yanks on my pant leg, just like my real kids, screaming for attention.
How do we balance our flesh and blood children with our adopted, career children? Both need our hard work and attention in order to survive. . Do we really need to choose between the two?
It’s an age old question, yet still an unsolved mystery.
I think part of the answer lies in the fact that everyone needs to work out their own formula. We can have it all, just not all at one time. And what works for one woman doesn’t work for another, and vice versa. Rather than focus on the work vs. home dilema, let’s think about it in a different way - really we need to work on balancing ourselves—our innate personality types that need yin and yang. This, in turn will automatically benefit the family. This balance comes in all different forms and is different for everyone.
My friend Susie has two boys, 3 ½ and 14 months. She had gone back to work briefly in between the two kids but hasn’t returned since. She is a type A, perfectionist and was a bad ass production manager in the Film Biz back in the day but hasn’t really made a move to go back to work. She puts energy, intelligence and organization into her house and family. She wants to open a store one day but is taking her time figuring it all out.
On the flip side my laid back friend Rachel, a doctor, has returned to work just a couple months after giving birth to her first child. Her husband has flexibility with his job and he is at home with the baby often while she is at work. Rachel is happy with the time she gets to use her brain in a structured, scientific manner and is ecstatic about being a new mom.
Susie needs to spend time balancing out her type A personality with a little bit of kid chaos. And Rachel needs to spend time thinking scientifically to balance out her naturally laid back personality. For me, balance is coming in the form of living in the moment, not being the fly on the wall taking pictures of other people’s lives. Right now, that is on hold. And it’s OK. I know that I will return to photography but for now, I am focused on balancing my self with this new world of domesticity, a new challenge for me. I’m finding stimulation and creativity in exploring ways teach my kids intellectual education as well as “street smarts”, I’m learning how to grow and cook healthy and delicious food which is stimulating to our brains and belly’s. Since I’m not making money, and I’m at home, I don’t need a babysitter that often but I make it a point to take time once a week to write, or compile pictures for my website, slowly and steadily getting “back to mine”. My plan is to take things as they come. As the babies become more independent I will make my way back to my other, older kid, career kid.
About the Author:
Jenny Schulder Brant is a freelance photographer and writer. She lives in Portland, Oregon and has two young children. She is also the founder of J.
Well written and well worth reading. I'm going to be sharing this link with friends. Thanks.