3) This is about change, not about blame.
Divorce is a scary word. But all it really means is that our family will be experiencing some changes. Change is okay. Everything in life keeps changing. You grow bigger, taller, stronger and smarter every year -- that's change. The seasons change. Clothing styles and hair styles keep changing. You change grades and schools as you grow older. Change means things will be different in some ways. It doesn’t mean things will be bad. Change can be fun, exciting and new.
Sometimes it takes a while to get used to changes, like beginning a new grade with a new teacher. Other times change gives us a chance to do things in a new and better way, like trying a new sport or a hobby. The change in our family is not about who’s right or wrong or who’s good or bad. Mom and Dad both tried
their best to resolve our problems. The old way didn’t work for us and now we will be trying a new way for our family to live so there’s more peace, calmness and happiness for us all. Instead of worrying about who’s to blame, let’s think about how we can see the changes ahead as a new adventure -- a brand new
chapter in our lives. Who knows what lies ahead?
4) Things will work out okay.
We’re often frightened when we begin new things and face new challenges. Like the first time you learned to ride a bicycle, the first day of school or camp, your first trip to the dentist. Things always have a way of working out, even when we’re scared that they won’t. Divorce will be the same way. Things will be new and different for a while.
We’ll have new ways of doing some things, some new responsibilities, some differences in our schedules. But life will go on. We will get used to the differences -- we may even end up preferring some of them. And after a while, we’ll look back and think that life is different than it used to be, but I’m okay, our family is okay and, most important of all, we still love each other. That is a lot better than okay. That's great!
5) Mom and Dad will always love you.
No matter what happens, no matter what changes occur, Mom and Dad will always love you. That will never change. Regardless of where we live, what we do and how old you get. You can count on that. And don’t ever forget it.
These core messages are the foundation your children will depend on when they are feeling frightened, sad, or insecure. Repeat them often in your own words and your own style. You’ll be rewarded in countless ways as you and your children encounter and overcome the challenges of life after divorce.