Member Articles

From my experience with women who have become mothers before me and at this point in time too, I think that what most mothers need is a sense of identity apart from their kids, whether that is a part time or full time job or a hobby that keeps them occupied and allows them to maintain a semblence of self-worth, not endless, thankless tasks that their children will appreciate them for later.
Most of the SAHM's I know who get depressed don't make time for themselves and continually feel weighted by the burden that is domesticated life. There is no date night, no extracurricular activity. This is what breeds misery.
Working full-time has it's pitfalls as well. I have no support group - all of the SAHM's I know never even offer to watch my kid every once in a while so my husband, who works graveyard, can get a nap in! There is so much self-consumption in the SAHM's I know that it's difficult to find that support that one needs as a working mom. As a Christian who thinks it's totally okay to work, I think that sometimes I'm looked down upon for working while they've all sacrificed their finances and other lifestyles to stay at home, and it's alienated us somewhat from people who share even the same faith as us...
In all, it can really go both ways and is all a matter of individual circumstance. If we can balance our identities within our profession and our home life, I think we're good to go. It's when that balance fails that you find depression.

I think it depends what you want from life and what you believe is best for your children!

Although I haven't always been happy to be a WOHM, the unhappiness has usually surrounded something particular to my job at the time. I HAVE always known that I wasn't cut out for SAHM-hood, and I doubt I would have gone that route for any length of time.

I really like Elizabeth's comment - you tend to be happiest when you believe in what you're doing.

Great article, and great discussion in the comments too!

I am new to Work It! Mom and am so glad to see this as one of the first articles I've read. I am so tired of this debate in our society. It is not a "one size fits all" kind of thing. Some mothers are much more fit to be SAHM and some mothers are much more fit to be working moms. I, personally, fit into the much better as a working mom category. Would I like to be able to cut back a bit on my hours? Sure. However, it keeps me sane to have a job to go to everyday, to get out of the house and get some adult time and some time where I can work to grow myself and meet new challenges. And, this in no way negates how I feel about my children and how I try to do what is best for them. Being a working mom is best for them in many ways as I turn into inpatient, cranky Mom when I'm not working outside the home and working on me a bit (albeit, that I'm working on me by working for someone else :) ). I think what this issue boils down to what is best for each individual family. There's no magic fix such as "working moms are happier" or "SAHM are happier".

I agree that it's impossible to simply split the SAHM and Working Moms into happy vs. not happy. There are too many variable to account for. Are you working in a job you love? Is your husband supportive/helpful? Are your kids healthy/happy/normal (i.e, moms of sick or disabled kids are going to be much more stressed than others)? Do you have a strong support network around you? All of those factors will determine how "happy" you are.

I work full time outside of my home. My house is never clean like it used to be pre-baby. I never feel like I can spend enough time with my daughter. Right now, I'm fortunate enough to have my mom be our babysitter while we both work. It does ease my mind to know she's in very good hands, but my mom doesn't do things like I would. I'm not saying I'd like to be a SAHM forever, but for at least until she's 3 or 4. I think the first several years are the most important in developing who they are as an individual and personally I don't want to miss as much of that as I do now.