The reason for and the process of divorce is as varied as the shape of snowflakes. There is however a commonality among most divorce survivors: low self-esteem. Almost everyone I have spoken to or have coached around divorce recovery have low self-esteem in common. Therefore, one of the first steps in divorce recovery should be rebuilding your self-esteem. How do you go about rebuilding your self esteem, especially during an emotionally low point such as divorce?
The answer to that question is easy – you choose to change. Okay, so the answer may be easy but the implementation may not be so easy, right?
You may assume that the most common approach may be to look at why you are suffering from such low self-esteem, but I beg to differ; how you got to that point is not relevant, because it has already happened – you can’t change that fact. All you can do is start from where you are now and decide where you want to go, so let’s get started.
Here are seven steps to help you rebuild your self-esteem:
1.) Surround yourself with positive people. Negative people drag the people around them down, but positive people motivate others to come up to their level of enthusiasm. So, take a look at the people in your life. Are they positive? If they are not , I recommend limiting or eliminating your association with them, as they will keep you stuck. Seek out people who are positive and are living the life they love and surround yourself with them.
2.) Take Risks. Try something new, step outside of your comfort zone. Once you realize that you can succeed at whatever you try, you will start to believe that you are good enough. If you can’t do it alone, find a support buddy to try something new with (or at least have them hold you accountable so you follow through when you start feeling uncomfortable).
3.) Keep an Acknowledgement Journal. Take the time to appreciate yourself and all that you do and contribute to the world. Begin writing down at least five things that you acknowledge yourself for doing each day, you will be amazed how wonderful you are – you just never took the time to look.
4.) Make a commitment to change. You can choose to feel good or you can choose to feel bad about yourself and your life. What do you choose? Make the commitment to change they way you think today. Start appreciating what is right in the world and in your life and change the things that you don’t like or don’t want. Stop being the victim and start taking action.
5.) Change your negative self talk. You know that voice in your head that tells you that you screwed up, that you’re not good enough, or you’re stupid? Start telling that voice to shut up and start listening to the positive self talk. I challenge you to pay close attention to what you are telling yourself in any given situation; if it is negative, find a way to turn it around into something positive.