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Making New Mom Friends Is a Lot Like Dating

Make time to really get to know other moms

by Heather Cabot  |  1851 views  |  3 comments  |       Rate this now! 

On the friend front, new motherhood seems like freshman orientation all over again. On the one hand, there are so many new people to meet.  It's exciting.  On the other hand, you've got a baby (or two) in tow and that makes it really hard to connect when your attention is divided between say, having an adult conversation and changing a diaper or heading off a tantrum. Not to mention that sleep deprivation doesn't do much to show off your sparkling personality!

Well, join the club, says relationship expert Dr. Jenn Berman, the author of The A to Z Guide to Raising Happy, Confident Kids and the mom of twin girls.

"We're changing and we're shell-shocked, especially in the beginning," the Los Angeles-based licensed family therapist explains. "And it takes a while for moms to find their sea legs with motherhood and to reconnect with who they are... So the person the person you meet in Mommy and Me is probably sleep-deprived and a shell of her former self."  In other words, the person you think may be your new best friend when you first meet in Baby Yoga class, may not be your type at all six months later.

"It is exactly like dating," Berman says of meeting new mom friends. "And, much like dating, you may meet some moms who you think are great and then you go out and you find out they are duds." 

It is all part of the process. But the first step, she says, is making sure that you schedule time to socialize away from the babies.  And that goes for your time with longtime friends, as well. 

Once you have that one on one coffee date or drink in your calendar, Berman adds, let your guard down a bit.

"We women tend to sniff each other out. And, sometimes, it takes taking risk, sharing something about yourself to make a deeper connection to open up a meaningful friendship," she advises. 

And, of course, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.  So you move on.  But most of all, now that you're a mom, remember that your time is more precious than ever.  "You don't have time to be around people you don't enjoy," Berman says.




About the Author

Heather Cabot, Founder & Publisher, The Well Mom

Read more by Heather Cabot

3 comments so far...

  • UGhh - so true. I have found meeting other moms can be a bit challenging. Sometimes you click and sometime you just don't.

    Certain playgroups can be a bit clicky and tough to break into. At least that's how it is where I live. I tend to do my own thing with one or two friends.

    I was never much a "dater" anyway.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by on 31st January 2008

  • So true! It's also so hard for those shy among us to take that first step!

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Kat on 30th January 2008

  • I have found this to be soooo true. I end up going to new play groups, and I feel jittery like I would on a first date. I will connect with someone for a while and then move on, or I will think that someone doesn't fit with me and later find out that we do. It's as complicated as those dating relationships of the past :).

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by mamajama on 29th January 2008