I was truly out of my comfort zone, more so than I can ever recall. There was not any element of what I was seeing that was OK with me. I felt a numbness set in as I sat and watched with intrigue my son as he played, off to the side of the action, with toys that were definitely for a much younger age level than his own.
About 10 minutes into it he came over to me and said, “Mom, I love you.” I replied the same and then noted that we’d be leaving at 3 (the party ended at 4:30).
I was doing pretty well until into the group of adults that seemed to stream in and out of the household walked a woman whom I thought I recognized. She that had once worked for my in-laws. She was a liar, a thief, and a fraud - simply not someone I wished to associate with. We left 10 minutes later, after my son wished his host a happy b-day and thanked the mom for inviting him.
As we walked out of the house, someone spoke to me -- it was the woman and her her boyfriend, who had worked for us and stolen more than $5,000 worth of tools (that we know of). Both of them leaning on their truck, drinking beer along the side of the road, noticeably bruised (likely from one of their drunken, beating-of-one another tirades, which they have become known for). I acknowledge them as you would a stranger, and we got in the car and left.
My son asked, “Mom, where do we have to go?” I explained in total honestly to him that there are good people and not-so-good people, and that there were people at the party who I simply did not want him to associate with because of the poor choices they have made in their lives. I was careful not to say anything bad about the little girl or even directly about her family.
Even at age 7, his response was one of great wisdom and understanding. After a stop at his favorite playmate’s house (my nephew) we headed home, walked in the door, stripped off our clothes and promptly washed them to get rid of the smell that they had picked up. I asked him about it a couple more times that day, to make sure he understood. “I am OK with it, Mom” was the reply . . . he, too, had been out of his comfort zone.
OK, as politically incorrect as it is ... yes, social classes do exist and I have exposed my child to them as an accepted way of the world. The fact is, we work very hard to have what we have. The welfare system is in theory a great program -- a way to help people down on their luck get back on their feet -- but the reality is that, more often than not, the system is abused. Baby factories, laziness, and taking advantage of the system is what I see around us more than not. There, I said it. Does this make me a bad mom or a bad person? How about you?
5 comments so far...
And I know many who are i the upper class- based on wealth and one of the lowest when it comes to values and basic decencies. Thanks to everyone for their comments and thoughts - it a tough subject for us as adults to adress head on
Flag as inappropriate Posted by Pammy on 2nd February 2008
I've known, and grown up with, people whom others would describe as lower class simply because of socioeconomics. However, economic level does NOT and never will be a measuring stick for "class". That's something that's inside, not outside. And I've known more than a few people in my time who are poor, on welfare, black lung, etc, who have more class and morality in their little finger than some wealthy person, with a pedigree up the wahzoo will EVER have in 100 lifetimes.
The attributes you described in most of the people you encountered there + the overall enviroment is not healthy for the children involved. Clearly it is the adult's fault, not the children's.
I grew up in the coalfields of Appalachia, so most of the kids' families were coal miners or hauled coal. A lot were on welfare, SSI, black lung, food stamps, etc. I can very vividly remember a girl from my senior class who attended Radford Univ for 1 semester and left because the girls from better families made fun of her and the way she dressed. Her family was WAY below the poverty level and she was VERY shy. Flora had more class than all those B***ches put together and it broke my heart to hear what they'd put her through.
As someone said, it's the behaviors that's the key, not the fact that each kid has a different father or that they live in a lower end of town (the child can't help either of that). Yes, you don't have to associate with the parent or with their associates, BUT I was always taught you treat everyone with dignity, regardless.
Flag as inappropriate Posted by JDaffron on 1st February 2008
Flag as inappropriate Posted by tkd_mama on 1st February 2008
Flag as inappropriate Posted by Mandy Nelson - Dandysound on 31st January 2008
Flag as inappropriate Posted by Florinda Pendley Vasquez on 30th January 2008