During my second year of college, I got married. Eyebrows raised, questioning began.
“What are you thinking? Are you sure you want to get married?"
“Do you know what it means to get married? Do you know what marriage is?"
"I Feel sorry that you are getting married so young. You are missing out on life.”
"How many men have you gone out with that you think he is the one?"
"How are you going to go to school and be married? I don’t think you can handle both.”
None of those comments stopped me; I believed that he was the one.
The day after I got married, the same people started asking me, "Are you still in school? Are you still majoring in English?" And, “Did you change your mind about going to school?”
Two years later, I obtained a BA degree, became pregnant, and landed a job in the insurance company. After having my first child, I found good childcare and continued working. While many friends, co-workers and family members judged me for working full time and leaving my baby at home, my managers saw my ambition to succeed. I got hefty annual increases and many promotional opportunities.
My son was doing really well, too. He loved his babysitter during the day. In the evenings and on weekends he loved spending time with my husband and me.
Now to all those people who questioned me, here are my questions for you:
Why do you think marriage equals prison or failure of our professional goals?
What makes you think that because a woman gets married or becomes pregnant she is no longer qualified to hold a high-ranking position within a company?
What makes you think that you should give up your professional dreams after you become a wife or a mother?
Why do you believe that it is not possible to have it all -- marriage, kids and a successful career?
What makes you think that if you pursue an upper management position or own a business you will be a bad mother?
Discouragement, negativity, sad stories, women who don’t believe in themselves and blame others for their inability to reach for their goals -- they are all around us. The people who tell you that you can’t do something are people who have failed and want to see you do same, or they are threatened by your potential success. Even our husbands, mothers, siblings, and in-laws can sometimes be discouraging because they fear the extra responsibility your goals will add to their lives.
Shut your eyes and ears to the negativity around you. You are still you, with just an extra responsibility of motherhood and marriage. How many mothers will disagree with me when I say that the most difficult job in the world is parenting? So far, I haven’t met one person that disagreed.
1 comment so far...
Flag as inappropriate Posted by oceans mom on 6th May 2008