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Too-Great Expectations?

Only children may be pushed too hard

by Susan Newman, Ph.D.  |  923 views  |  0 comments  |        Rate this now! 

6.) Easing up/backing off. Pressure intensifies when both parents excel because the parents, not siblings, are the only child’s performance models. To ease the burden of living up to your level, make it clear that he should make his own path by choosing something that particularly interests him. Tell him you understand that his choice may be quite different from yours. When you don't explicitly give a child room to be himself, the situation can appear hopeless and impossible to him.

Whether or not your child excels academically, she probably has strengths you can encourage and in which you can take pride. Being proud is very different from living vicariously through your child. Being a role model by expressing contentment with your own pursuits is more effective than expressing your hopes for your child or being a tough taskmaster. Demanding performance from a child who may not be capable of meeting your expectation or interested in it is frustrating for everyone and could create a backlash whose effect might not be seen for years.

Parents of onlies would be wise to have other activities and interests so that there is less time to focus on every inch of their singleton's progress. It's a step the in right direction just to be aware that putting all your energy into your child may not be the best thing for her.

About the Author

Susan Newman is a social psychologist and the author of 13 books about parenting, family issues and relationships. For details, check out her websites: www.susannewmanphd.com and www.thebookofno.com. Susan blogs for Psychology Today Magazine at: Singletons - http://blogs.psychologytoday.com/blog/singleton.

Read more by Susan Newman, Ph.D.

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