We’re often told that we can’t have it all. While most of us working moms seem to have gotten that memo, I think we may have missed the one that told us that we can’t DO it all.
Now, here’s the truth: Not a single one of us does it all. And I would argue that we don’t talk about it nearly enough.
We talk more about what we do. It’s only natural. As in, “I'm home with my kids part-time. I run my own thriving business, working full-time hours. I go out with my husband regularly, and also go out with friends often enough. I write for a few blogs. I get real pedicures when I can. I stay in touch with family and friends near and far. I have a new volunteer position at my church and am the Treasurer of our condo association. I'm trying to decide if I would rather pursue a PhD or adopt/foster another child in the next couple of years.”
But I don't do it all. Far from it. In order to have any sanity in my life, there are things that I have let slide. Some are big things. I think we moms - and adults in general - should talk a lot more about what we don't do, because many of us have expectations of ourselves that are way out of whack. If we just understood that no one does all that she thinks she is “supposed” to be doing, wouldn't we be better off?
So, let's drop our expectations right now, shall we? I'll get us started:
1. I don't follow the news. I don't watch television news and although I love NPR, I don't have an opportunity to listen to it uninterrupted. Until recently, we got the Sunday paper but it sat unread each week until we tossed it in the recycling. We had to admit to ourselves that it was time to cancel. The best I do is to get the headlines. My husband fills me in when something big is going on. I really need to get up to speed on the presidential candidates, and I will. But in a regular week, I live in a news vacuum. I don't even know who Paris Hilton is, or what she did.
And it's okay.
2. I don't make “real” dinners. We eat healthy meals, but they are simple to the extreme; not what our moms made when we were growing up. Quite often, my husband and I laugh and remark that dinner prep would sure be easier if we had three microwaves.
And it's okay.
3. I don't clean my own house. This got to be a real problem before we finally gave in and hired someone to help every other week. With our major allergies and disinclination to clean, there is no money better spent. (And let me tell you: the fact that we're forced to clear the house of clutter every other week is almost as helpful as the actual cleaning.)









17 comments so far...
I don't iron.
I don't bathe my child daily.
I don't watch TV.
I don't do yardwork.
I don't go "out on the town."
I shop online.
I don't exercise much, but I'm trying to change that.
I don't bake.
I don't scrapbook.
I don't make cards for birthdays or holidays. I buy them.
I don't garden.
I don't cut hair.
I don't make bread.
I don't wash diapers.
I didn't make my own babyfood.
I don't go to playdates.
I'm sure I could think of more.
Flag as inappropriate Posted by Mom2Rylie on 6th January 2009
Why must we re-hash this topic over and over?
Bottom line: "It All" means different things to different people.
Women are working outside the home just as men are. The clock will never roll back on this one.
The expectations of a working parent (regardless of gender) are different from one that does not work and stays in the home.
Flag as inappropriate Posted by Uhura on 23rd January 2008
Flag as inappropriate Posted by Christine on 15th October 2007
I love to cook, love to read to my son, love fun outings, love planning our travels, love my job. So, I do all those things and I think that makes up for it.
Flag as inappropriate Posted by jlauren on 19th September 2007
Flag as inappropriate Posted by KatieK on 26th August 2007
I don't clean, except for picking up before the cleaners come once every other week.
Before I was on maternity leave I didn't always pick up my daughter as soon as I was off work. Sometimes I took some time to myself.
And last but not least, I don't want to go back to my job in November. I'm ready for a change. ;-)
Flag as inappropriate Posted by kikarose on 17th August 2007
2. I have dust bunnies under the bed that are bigger than the dog
3. I only mop the kitchen floor when my feet start sticking to it
4. I only brush the front of my kid's teeth because who sees the back
5. I will buy cheap toilet paper for the family so I can have expensive hairspray
6. I let my three-year-old watch Lifetime
7. The last time we gave to the poor was when we left that penny on the sidewalk
8. I told my kid if he goes poopy on the potty I will let Santa Claus move in downstairs
9. I make my coffee before I give him breakfast
10.I do read to my kid. He loves People and Glamour best
Flag as inappropriate Posted by Kelly Swanson on 16th August 2007
I don't
clean my house or even pre-clean --I have a housekeeper
do any laundry --housekeeper does that
stay home--we have a nanny
cook elaborate gourmet meals anymore or even cook routinely--my husband isn't home much and the kids are still too young.
exercise every day. (sigh--that one I really miss)
read books for pleasure
travel to exotic places with my husband--the grocery store seems exotic these days.
I'm still working on the "it's okay" part.
Flag as inappropriate Posted by spacegeek on 16th August 2007
I love your list. I love my cleaning woman, but I confess I am a bed maker- I have sons and I want them to helpful to their wives someday, so our rule is: They make their own beds daily (doesn't have to be perfect) and for my husband and I: Whoever is out of bed last, makes it. So even dad has to make it on weekends:) For me, a made bed makes the room look twenty times cleaner even if it's not so clean! (lately, I'm not always on top of "de-cluttering" for my cleaning woman)
Flag as inappropriate Posted by Rosanne Rust on 16th August 2007
Flag as inappropriate Posted by PeggyM on 15th August 2007
Flag as inappropriate Posted by Dee Anna on 15th August 2007
Flag as inappropriate Posted by Daisy on 15th August 2007