Meanwhile, my husband and I started having problems, but while we were trying to fix things, I got pregnant with Erik. Once I had a new baby to care for, working from home became too stressful. Eventually, I split with my husband.
The divorce was especially tough on Haley. I took her to an art therapy program, where she drew a heart chopped up into little pieces and me with horns on my head. After that, I vowed to be home as much as possible. I wound up doing several consulting jobs and even managed a retail chain, and things finally settled down at work and at home. My kids were coping well (no more broken-heart drawings), and my ex-husband and I had an amicable relationship.
Then I was diagnosed with breast cancer in November 2002. My first worry was Erik and Haley--would I be able to be there for them? My goals were to support my kids, and myself, even though I was sick, and to be very patient.
I was put on a rigorous chemo treatment but managed to work throughout. I learned that no matter how hard times get, you survive. Last August, four years after I missed Mother's Day, my kids and I celebrated something better--my clean bill of health.
A Work/Family Juggling Act
The best thing about going back to work: Adult interaction, and being appreciated for my mind.
The hardest part: Besides feeling so frumpy right after giving birth, feeling so torn when Haley got sick. I wanted to be with her but felt guilty about neglecting work.
The biggest surprise: Women in my office were not supportive of my being a mom. That made me want to figure out a way for women to be productive professionally and to be moms as well.
Advice I wish someone had given me: Be there and enjoy your kids when they're in front of you, and be present at your job when you're at work. So many of us are worrying about our kids when we're at work and worrying about work when we're with our kids, which compromises both.
What I'd like to tell other women: Stop beating yourself up for not being perfect! Instead, enjoy what you do well.
Power Meals for Busy Moms
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