Member Articles

Write an article!

Great Marriage Advice

Three Keys to Building a Powerful Partnership

by Dr. Isabella Santorini  |  5880 views  |  7 comments  |        Rate this now! 

Define the problem and ask, immediately, “Is one of us just picking a fight?” Actually do this. Sometimes, this will be the end of the argument, for some arguments are not really about anything except one spouse picking a fight. But the spouse who is picking a fight needs to be honest about it. This can take practice and more than a little humility. If your spouse admits to picking a fight, don’t say, “I told you so.” Show them some respect for having been honest.

Each spouse gets a turn at saying what they need to way about the matter without interruption. This gives each person an opportunity to shed some baggage. This is needed in order to find a solution. But stop yourselves from going on and on, emoting about how upset you are.

Each spouse comes up with a solution. Make these reasonable and not irrational solutions. After you’ve both offered one, then you can brainstorm on the solution. Usually, you’ll come up with one together that is really good.

About the Author

Dr. Isabella Santorini learned to create a great marriage from a master. She now has a powerful partnership with her husband. Learn from the best at:

Read more by Dr. Isabella Santorini

7 comments so far...

  • Getting married is the beginning of a wonderful journey. But there are issues that you have to tackle before tying a knot. Marriages today need all the help they can get, and if payday installment loans can help a couple’s budget and their marriage, they should definitely look into taking out these kinds of loans. It is a sad fact that the divorce rate is over fifty percent, and a huge reason for divorce happens to be disagreement over money. Many newlyweds have no idea what they are getting themselves into. They think marriage is going to be a cakewalk, but although it has its rewards, marriage will probably be the hardest thing they’ve ever done, especially when it comes to finances. My husband and I think in a completely different manner when it comes to money. I’ve been stashing money since I was a little kid. I remember cleaning my closet when I was younger and finding money hidden in crazy places. My husband, on the other hand, is a compulsive shopper. If he wants something, he just goes out and buys it. I’m pretty sure he never had a piggy bank. You can see why we struggle when it comes to making financial decisions. Our opinions are on opposite ends of the spectrum. However, we make it work because we talk about our budget together. We frequently disagree, but marriage is about compromise. And we compromise when it comes to our budget. If I could give any advice to newlyweds it would be to speak openly with your spouse about everything, but most importantly be open about money. Communication is a key to marriage, and if you are properly communicating about money you can save yourself a lot of trouble. For example, there have been a few instances where my husband and I realized we weren’t going to be able to pay some of our bills, so we took out payday installment loans to cover the costs. Payday installment loans have helped our bank account and our marriage.

    Click to read more on Payday Installment Loans.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by on 25th November 2008

  • I was married for twelve years. We divorced. I've now been married for a year to a man I've been with for ten years. (A little gun-shy the second time around? Perhaps!)

    I love your first point: each person is responsible for their own moods. That means I can say "My mood has nothing to do with anything you've done" -- but it also means that "I don't have to try to fix his mood". (Any more than he has to fix mine.) That's how my second husband and I deal with emotions, and it's tremendously freeing. It does not equate, as I would have thought twenty years ago, with disinterest or unfeelingness. We respect each other's feelings immensely. But "respect" is not the same as "own". Great article!

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by MaryP on 20th July 2008

  • Good article. I especially like the part about supporting your spouse the way he or she wants it -- not how you would want it.

    That's been a problem for my husband and I in the past. I want lots of response to a problem -- "It will be Ok," etc. My husband wants to be left alone.

    So he leaves me alone and I shower him with unwanted "support." But once we figured out what we were doing wrong, it really helped us fix it.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Gina on 1st July 2008

  • I think the second point is so true -- thanks for putting it out there. I actually thought about it more in relation to myself. When I am going through a difficult time my husband tends to do what you did -- offer encouragement, tell me things will be ok. But that doesn't work for me and often frustrates me -- and gets us into an argument. What I really need is for him to distract me -- say by making plans with a sitter so we can go to the movies -- or take over some household stuff that I usually do to give me a bit more time to deal with what's going on.

    Really useful article, thank you.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Nataly on 29th June 2008

  • Excellent suggestions, thanks! Really interesting to know that your husband preferred food and time with you over words, however encouraging you were being. Just goes to show that men need to be approached a little differently sometimes. :) I agree, tkd_mama, these are suggestions we can actually use!!

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Diane on 25th June 2008

  • I agree that you have hit on unique ways to work in a marriage. I'm fortunate to have a wonderful spouse of nearly 17 years (gosh I'm old), and when I try to figure what works, its sometimes hard to define. We don't fight partly because we are so compatible and partly because we talk to each other not at each other. I think also it helps to put things in perspective. Yes I don't like that leaves his clothes on the floor and wouldn't it be nice to get flowers. But he takes out the trash, gets the kids ready for bed, and ogles me which makes me feel pretty. In the scheme of things I'd rather have that than a clean floor.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Leslie Truex on 25th June 2008

  • When I saw the title of this article, I have to admit I was curious and perhaps a little dubious. But I have to say, these tips are not the usual lame tips that ones sees in, e.g., magazines. And they make a lot of sense. I guess to some degree I might practice them a little already with my husband. We've actually had the most difficult stretch in the last year or so, but we're still together, going on 19 years now. Hope we can make it last! :-)

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by tkd_mama on 24th June 2008