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Ortho & Depo

Or, How I Met My Daughters

by Kimberly  |  4039 views  |  3 comments  |        Rate this now! 

While I'm willing to talk about a lot of things related to being the solo mom of two, how I got here doesn't tend to be one of them. Frankly, it's really not anyone's business (except possibly my daughters', and I'm not altogether certain of that). That's not to say that people don't occasionally ask intrusive questions or make rude remarks about how my family came into being; it just means that I've never particularly felt the need to acknowledge them when they do.

Today, however, I'm going to violate my personal rule and talk about how I became a solo mom. Twice. Partly because it's good blog fodder, especially for an inaugural post, but mostly because this comment left in response to Kate's post on the topic over at Sanity and the Solo Mom: "Or funny how life throws us birth control too." Because all solo mothers are just immoral sluts who can't keep their legs shut and only breed for the Welfare money, don't you know.

Kate dealt with this beautifully at her own blog, but the thing about motherhood is that we all have different stories of how we got to the place we're in, and Kate's story is not my story just like my story isn't your story. I'm hoping that maybe in sharing our stories we can open some eyes, close some mouths, and continue forcing people to reconsider their perceptions of the average solo mom.

So, my story...

It's actually kind of funny, in a cosmic, the Universe is clearly toying with me kind of way. I call my daughters Diva Girl and the Zen Baby, but I could just as easily have christened them "Ortho" and "Depo" since in a very real way, that's who they are.

I was taking ortho tri-cyclen when I got pregnant with Diva Girl. I was also taking antibiotics. Not a good combination, apparently. Especially not when you and the Rebound Guy have just mutually decided that you're not willing to continue wasting your time with each other anymore.

Three weeks after the Rebound Guy and I bid an indifferent adieu, the stick turned blue. Fabulous timing. I'm sure the Universe was enjoying the joke, even if I wasn't.

Given the relationship status of the non-relationship that had produced that thin blue line, I agonized over what, if anything, to tell the Guy. It wasn't like we were going to have some tearful reunion and decide this was a Sign that we should be together or anything. Plus, he'd moved out of province. It would have been easy to just...not. To carry on with my life, whatever shape I decided it would take, and leave him to carry on with his. But then there was that whole pesky sense of morality that got in the way, and I told him.

About the Author

Kimberly is a writer, teacher, and solo mom to the 8 year old Diva Girl and 3 year old Zen Baby. You can find her at www.parentingwithoutalicense.com

Read more by Kimberly

3 comments so far...

  • I found you here from your blog, which I love, being a solo mom myself. No father in the picture and I prefer it that way. It still shocks me when people make rude comments about how I "managed to get pregnant". Still, I wouldn't trade my life now for anything. Thanks for good read! Looking forward to more...

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Anna on 10th September 2007

  • Kimberly,

    So glad to see you here! I love this story and your decisions. I, too, know so well the curve ball of birth control. It's a hectic game full of daily drama, but one I relish.

    You are a rock star solo mom and Diva and Zen are blessed to have you!

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Heather C. on 10th September 2007

  • Well I say congrats on being a mom anyways! I'm sure there are lots of women out there that share your story. My sister-in-law got pregnant after the first few dates with her man so there was a good bit of animosity towards the situation. I was there for her when others turned their back on her so I sort of understand how people get when this kind of thing happens. The guy chose to stay with her, unfortunately, and 4 years later she's in an abusive relationship too afraid to leave. It's probably best that those men chose not to stay with you, not saying that they might've been abusive too, but you're probably happier with just two beautiful little girls rather than dealing with the drama they might've brought. Thanks for sharing your story!

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by on 10th September 2007

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