Doesn't it seem strange that the two things that have the potential to make the greatest and most profound impact on our lives come with no directions or training manual? When was the last time you saw relationship skills or parenting skills in the school curriculum? Yet if we screw these two things up there can be major consequences. I often wonder why these skills are not considered as important as writing, reading and arithmetic. Any thoughts?
While you dwell on that dilemma let me get started on this week's article. Over the next few weeks I will reveal to you the 14 different dating traps and their solutions. Sorry, no parenting skills in this series -- maybe the next one. Hopefully this series of articles will help fill the relationship-skills void a bit for you. These dating traps were developed by David Steele, founder of the Relationship Coaching Institute and the author of Conscious Dating.
The first trap is the Marketing Trap. I am sure that you can probably relate to this trap -- we all have done it at one time or another, unless of course you've never dated before. The marketing trap is when you present yourself to your date or potential partner in a trumped up or false way, similarly to what some advertisers do when trying to sell their products. When you fall into the Marketing Trap, you fear that nobody wants you as you really are. So you try really hard to make sure the other person doesn't see the real you. You know, ladies, pretending to like football when you can't stand it just so you can impress your guy. And gentlemen ,you are just as guilty pretending to like those chick flicks to impress the girl.
So, what happens when you start a relationship with these false pretenses is that, eventually, at least one of you becomes comfortable enough in the relationship to let your guard down and start being real. When this happens resentment and animosity sets in, right? After all ,he used to watch those chick flicks and now he won't -- he must not love you any more. Ever hear anyone say "You aren't the man/woman that I knew when we first met?" That is because you fell for the marketing trap or they ensnared you in the marketing trap. How do you avoid the trap?
You can avoid the marketing trap by being authentic. Show the world, including your potential partner, your true self. I know, we are programmed not to because we are fearful of being rejected, but isn't it easier to be rejected at the beginning of a relationship then after you have become emotionally entrenched? I believe we attract those into our lives who reflect who we are, and if we are faking it or marketing ourselves we will attract the same to us.