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OK, so in the evening after work and putting the kids to bed you finally think, “Ahh, some ‘me’ time.  The kids are sleeping... I can now spend time on myself,” only to find out that you were wrong.  The husband thinks that he can now have you all to himself. 

Well you are tired of giving yourself first to the kids and now to your husband.  You want to be left alone for a while.  Then you think, you should spend time with hubby or your relationship will go sour. But you really, really want to be left alone. 

I have a solution that worked very well for me: Get your hubby a hobby or an activity.  Find out about activities from friends and neighbors.  My cousin is into poker and he got my hubby into it as well, so now the guys often get together about once every two weeks in the late evening and play.  I encourage my husband to go.  He leaves after the kids are in bed, and I look forward to staying home alone to enjoy the peace and work on my business plans, watch whatever I want on TV without compromising, listen to music, or read a book without having anyone talk to me or touch me. 

I also encourage my hubby to go for a walk in the evening to help him lose weight.  He meets with our neighbor, and they both go for a walk for about an hour once a week.  My hubby was also looking forward to learning Spanish, so he is taking classes.   All the times he is out of the house, I enjoy the quiet very much.  I was a little nervous and thought that his leaving would make him less available to the children and would negatively affect our relationship, but I was wrong.   

Of course, I don't want it to get to the point where my husband constantly disappears, but a couple of times a week of both of us doing our own things is actually helpful to the relationship.  This allows both of us to be ourselves, after becoming a parent and a spouse.  It makes him happy and a better, less-exhausted parent and spouse.  And the same for me. 

What are your thoughts?