Member Articles

Shortly after the birth of Jonas, her second child, Lisa’s 4-year-old daughter, Hannah, mentioned her new friend Betsy. Lisa assumed Betsy was one of Hannah’s pre-school classmates until Hannah asked if Betsy could have dinner with them. “But she’s not here,” her mother said.  “Yes, she is,” Hannah insisted. “She lives here.”  

How pretend friends come to be: Children’s imaginations begin developing around 2 1/2- to 3-years of age, marking the start of pretend play, and in two-thirds of children, the arrival of a fantasy friend or two.  Pretend pals can linger well into the elementary school years. 

Imagination helps young children learn about their environment, get along with others, and solve or cope with problems. Invented friends assist a child in managing a life change (a family relocation, birth of a sibling, making new friends) or acquiring a new skill.

Most children are aware their pretend friends are not real, nevertheless, they come in handy for handling uncomfortable situations or as an outlet for feelings they don’t understand or can’t express. For many children, a pretend friend is just for fun.

Pretend pals are not a sign of loneliness. Whatever their purpose, fantasy friends indicate an abundant imagination that is as likely to belong to a child with no or many siblings. Dr. Benjamin Spock, the baby and child rearing guru from the 1940s through the 1970s, hypothesized that children created invisible friends because they had trouble getting along with other children.  Pretend pals were believed to be created by only-children or firstborns, and it was thought that these children needed to play more with other kids in order to eliminate the fantasy friend “problem.” 

Even though we know children with siblings have pretend friends, the stereotype of only children having more imaginary friends than peers with siblings sticks today.

However, the Gessell Institute of Human Development, experts in the field of childhood behaviors, feel imaginary friends are a natural and healthy part of development. Marjorie Taylor, professor of psychology at the University of Oregon and author of Imaginary Companions and the Children Who Create Them, studied preschoolers through 7 years of age discovered that 65 percent of all children have make-believe friends at some point in their young lives. Taylor also challenges and offsets the stereotypical view of only children and firstborns as the basic creators of imaginary friends:  “It is not solely children who are firstborns or who have no siblings who create imaginary companions, and the appearance of an imaginary companion in the lives of these children is not necessarily a sign of loneliness or psychological distress.” 

Yale emeritus of psychology Jerome Singer, with research assistant Dorothy Singer, wrote The House of Make-Believe Children’s Play and the Developing Imagination and studied preschoolers extensively. They found that children who create make-believe friends tend to be more imaginative, have richer and fuller vocabularies, and are better able to entertain themselves. The Singers also discovered that children with imaginary friends get along better with classmates.