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A few tips for dining out with kids:

1.) Desert is the best motivator for good behavior

2.) Have the kids’ food arrive at the same time as yours

3.) Try to sit in a booth (this locks them in)

4.) Go to loud restaurants

5.) Let them order a fancy drink. Then they’ll have a Pavlovian association with the occasion. Dining out = special drink. Plus, you just ordered a Tequila Slammer, so it’s only fair.

6.) If the child’s menu is unimaginative and unhealthy, order appetizers and sides and let them choose.

7.) Bring noiseless toys and books.

8.) When they’ve plowed through dinner and you’re right in the middle of a conversation about Obama, McCain, and energy policies, reward their impeccable behavior by taking that portable DVD out of your bag and pressing "play."