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Your marriage and your money

7 tips for improving the financial picture

by Leslie Miller, LICSW  |  3520 views  |  1 comment  |        Rate this now! 

You fall in love and get married believing that money will never come between you and your partner. Money is a means to an end... no sense in worrying needlessly about what’s down the road. No one can predict the future, right?

While it may be correct that no one can predict the future, the frequency and severity of conflict in the marital relationship regarding joint finances may be the biggest predictor of whether or not your love will last over the long haul. Money issues are at the top of the list when it comes to those issues contributing to an already high divorce rate. So what can you do to protect yourself?

I recently sat down with Rick Fingerman, CFP, president of Financial Planning Solutions, Inc. based in Newton, Massachusetts, to discuss the psychology of money. Here is what he had to say:

"Communication, resentment and dishonesty are three areas I have seen that cause problems and stress in marriages. For almost 20 years I have been helping couples navigate their financial lives and have seen these issues crop up time and again. As you know, if couples aren't communicating how can they be successful in any area? Many times there is resentment surrounding money that has nothing to do with money. However, one spouse may use money rather than deal with the underlying issues. This is where a good therapist can make a world of difference. Dishonesty is just bad all around in a relationship. Without trust, what do you have?"

Thinking of my own work as a psychotherapist with couples in marital counseling, I thought about some of these core issues and how it resonates with the emotional aspects of spending and saving and deeply rooted issues of security and stability. We were all raised with a certain belief system surrounding money. How we spend. How we save. One spouse may have had parents that stressed saving while the other spouse was brought up by spenders. How does one learn to change their views about money?

Couples with poor communication about finances are unable to address expectations that each may have had when coming into the relationship. Often this degenerates into a power struggle in which very little can be accomplished or agreed upon. Money can become the battle ground on which other issues in the marriage are fought. Issues of power and control can ignite when the imbalance created by differing attitudes about money overwhelm the security of the relationship.

Deeply rooted insecurities may surface when the quality of the marital relationship and the connectedness of the partners are on shaky ground. Behaviors such as excessive saving (which may be experienced as withholding), and excessive spending behaviors (often passive aggression from an angry partner) may be symptomatic of conflicting primary needs by one or both partners. Frequently, by the time a couple seeks counseling, if money is on the short-list of issues, dishonesty and resentment have become woven into the couples style of communication and poor management of finances.

About the Author

Ms. Miller is a parenting and relationship coach at

Read more by Leslie Miller, LICSW

1 comment so far...

  • Marriages today need all the help they can get, and if payday installment loans can help a couple’s budget and there marriage, they should definitely look into taking out these kinds of loans. It is a sad fact that the divorce rate is over fifty percent, and a huge reason for divorce happens to be disagreement over money. Many newlyweds have no idea what they are getting themselves into. They think marriage is going to be a cakewalk, but although it has its rewards, marriage will probably be the hardest thing they’ve ever done, especially when it comes to finances. Each of them may have other priorities than the other, this causes a lot to both of them. My husband and I think in a completely different manner when it comes to money. I’ve been stashing money since I was a little kid. I remember cleaning my closet when I was younger and finding money hidden in crazy places. My husband, on the other hand, is a compulsive shopper. If he wants something, he just goes out and buys it. I’m pretty sure he never had a piggy bank. You can see why we struggle when it comes to making financial decisions. Our opinions are on opposite ends of the spectrum. However, we make it work because we talk about our budget together. We frequently disagree, but marriage is about compromise. And we compromise when it comes to our budget. If I could give any advice to newlyweds it would be to speak openly with your spouse about everything, but most importantly be open about money. Communication is a key to marriage, and if you are properly communicating about money you can save yourself a lot of trouble. For example, there have been a few instances where my husband and I realized we weren’t going to be able to pay some of our bills, so we took out payday installment loans to cover the costs. Payday installment loans have helped our bank account and our marriage. Marriage is a great challenge that needs patience for couples. Click to read more on Payday Installment Loans.

    Flag as inappropriate Posted by Payday Installment Loans on 25th November 2008