Member Articles

There is no denying it. Thanksgiving is around the corner and there is more to come. I love the holidays, having the kids home, getting together with friends and family, sharing great food, wine, and laughing with everybody's stories.

It sounds great and it usually is. Except that, when people get together during the holidays, drama invariably creeps in. People are tired and overwhelmed and the weather is getting colder. Trapped in seasonal ritual, many become resentful and rebellious during the holidays.

We know we are caught up in drama when we sense our emotions flaring and things get out of hand. The sense of drama usually builds up and before we know it, we are at its grip.

Drama can be caused by internal family conflict due to unspoken issues and misunderstandings. It may stem from past issues, present challenges, and difficult dynamics. Sometimes drama has its source in mounting unrealistic expectations, sheer exhaustion, and resentment. It comes from making a commitment without thinking it through.

I find that thinking ahead and having a plan helps me hold the drama at bay. Consider the following:

1.) Sit down and take some time to think the situation through. Visualize the day, the weekend, the family get together. What are some potential pitfalls?

2.) Visualize a positive outcome for everyone involved. Create a new, positive intention. See people enjoying each other’s company and having a good time. See yourself having a good time. Articulate an affirmation that you can repeat to yourself when you start feeling edgy and frustrated. Infuse the day with the power of your intention.

3.) Write down what needs to be done. Break it down in smaller steps and look at everything. Be realistic. How much of this can you do without help? Don’t be a martyr. Scale the project down if you have to.

4.) Ask for help. Reach out and delegate. If you don’t have enough help, think of alternative ways to handle the work.

5.) Let go of expectations. Instead of trying to be perfect, try to see perfection in what is. Sometimes good enough is good enough. If something is putting extra pressure on you, let it go!

6.) Identify source of potential drama dynamics. Think of the people involved. If you are going to find yourself in the company of someone who always pushes your buttons, ask yourself: “How would I like to feel and act instead?” Create a picture in your mind and articulate clearly how you would like to feel and behave in the presence of this person. Talk to a trusted friend, your therapist, your coach, anyone who can help you change the picture. Think of ways to protect your emotional state and peace of mind.

7.) Understand that you can only take responsibility for your behavior. If there is anything you can do to prevent unnecessary drama, do it. If you feel that having a conversation with someone in advance could help, go ahead and have the conversation. Accept that some things are out of your control though, so be prepared to walk away and take care of yourself.