When I think about it, as sad as this information may be, it’s not actually that shocking. I recall how I received the news that a family member was divorcing her husband when her first child was just one year old. I was so worried that she was too hormonal to be making a good, rational decision. But I’m learning that it’s likely to do with a lot more than hormones.
“Having children is a complete transformation. Roles change and a different paradigm is created. They also have to adapt to the 24/7 care of a demanding newborn. It can be a real shock—especially if one partner is expecting something different from the other,” says Pirak.
With this in mind, the Gottmans created a workshop for couples of infants to help prepare them for the years to come and give them strategies to deal with the stress, conflict, and lack of intimacy that follow having a child. For instance, couples learn before they are sleep-deprived and clinically depressed to be aware that they will be in this state after months of little sleep. They also learn to deal with conflict in more conducive ways by not getting contemptuous and not criticizing one another when arguing.
To test the effects of this two-day workshop, The Bringing Baby Home project embarked on a remarkable study following 159 couples with 168 children for six years after attending a Gottman workshop.
The study, conducted in Sweden between 1999 and 2005, found that if couples are given an opportunity to explore issues and prepare for how parenthood changes their relationships, they will have a much better chance of staying together.
“This was the only research-based and tested study of couples with children that I’m aware of and it was a huge success! Out of 159 couples (who attended the two-day workshop) only one couple got divorced six years later and all others reported higher levels of happiness. And, there was even a 22.5 percent drop in the (typical) incidence of post-partum depression that we usually see,” Pirak explains
Due to the success of this first study, The Bringing Baby Home project now offers the same workshop expanded into a six- or eight-week series. The larger series teaches the same tenants such as how to avoid marital meltdown and deal with the stress after a newborn arrives—but also has six additional topics, including advice on how to rekindle intimacy and get dad more involved.
Refreshingly, some companies are now offering the Bringing Baby Home workshop to its employees, including Microsoft and Eddie Bauer—which makes sense says Pirak, as couples on the verge of divorce are less productive at work.
Pirak, who is a master trainer, has trained and certified educators to conduct these workshops and now says there are over 408 Bringing Baby Home workshops running in twelve countries.








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