"Dr. Laura" is at it again. In her latest book, In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms (which could actually be called "A Criticism of Working Moms"), she complains that working moms just don't feel guilty enough about leaving their kids with paid childcare providers (you can check out an excerpt here).
"There used to be a guilt factor about parenting your own kids versus paying someone else to. Guilt is not the motivator it used to be, as folks have shifted from 'should' to 'feel like/or not.' These days, the 'feely' answer usually wins out."
I will spare you all of my thoughts about Dr. Laura (since it would take you all day to read them) and just directly address her statement about guilt.
In Dr. Laura's perfect world, mothers would feel too guilty to work outside the home. They would feel so guilty about leaving their kids with a childcare provider that they would instead become stay-at-home moms and "benefit from the joy of motherhood." That's right -- she thinks that moms who want to work, but instead stay home out of guilt, would actually be joyful about their situation.
I'm trying very hard here to remain professional and not say something childish (such as, for example, "Dr. Laura is an idiot"). So how can I put this? Dr. Laura fails to understand that not everyone shares her view of the world, and that she does not have the moral high ground simply because she claims to. Oh, and she's wrong.
I believe that children benefit from having parents who find fulfillment in what they do -- whether they work full-time, stay home full-time, or work out some other arrangement. A miserable stay-at-home mom isn't doing anyone any good. Nor is a working mom who feels horribly guilty about her choice (if she actually has a choice) to work outside the home.
I suggest that when a mom is feeling guilty about something she's not doing (staying home, for example), she consider thinking about what she is doing (providing for her family). Why shouldn't that mom feel proud of herself for what she's giving to her family?
No mother can be all things to her kids -- so why not take pride in what we are able to do?
When it comes to praising moms, as Dr. Laura claims to be doing, let's give praise where it's due: not only to stay-at-home moms, but to all moms doing their best to raise happy, healthy children.
What do you think? What are you most proud of as a mother?
P.S. "Dr." Laura's PhD is in physiology (not psychology or psychiatry or anything that relates to giving the type of advice she offers). Not sure how that's relevant to this particular post, but thought you should know.
28 comments so far...
I remind myself, when people like Dr. Laura start stirring things up, that they take strong stands on issues so that people twill alk about them. I often wonder if she really believes everything she says. Instead of focusing on all the negative news out there, I do my best to be positive and celebrate working moms whenever I can, through my book, interviews and more. We have to stick together!
Flag as inappropriate Posted by Phaedra Cucina on 22nd June 2009
Flag as inappropriate Posted by Kami Lewis Levin on 8th June 2009
Flag as inappropriate Posted by Traci Feit Love on 8th May 2009
Flag as inappropriate Posted by DSMom on 6th May 2009
Actuallly, when I was growing up, and my mother was most definitely NOT a SAHM, I was fully expected to entertain myself, even when she home after school (she taught HS). And when I went to school and came home, I was supposed to entertain myself. Course, I also grew up in a VERY rural area, so my imagination became ultra important. IMHO, so many kids lack the ability to do what I did because they don't have that chance to or the parents won't let them. It certainly wasn't my mother's job to keep me occupied, nor was it mine to keep my daughter occupied. Keep them safe, yes, but there's a line, imho.
You're right - other countries are years ahead of the US with regards to parental leave and child care. The corporate business community just doesn't get it and as you said, the debate is so stupid, imho.
Oh, and btw, has anyone bothered to take notice that during this recession that the main breadwinner in a growing number of families is the WOMAN? Thank God for working women, ladies. Without us, a lot of families would be in MAJOR MAJOR trouble.
Flag as inappropriate Posted by JDaffron on 24th April 2009
In other countries parents get a full year parental leave (both) and affordable child care. Our country is still having the useless debate over whether woman "should" work. Guess what - we are. We have to.
We could all move to Canada, or we can try to change things here.
Flag as inappropriate Posted by omommy on 24th April 2009
While you are entitled to your opiinion, I dare say that the vast majority of us disagree with it. With all due respect, I'm the product of 2 working parents, as is my daughter. As I stated before, I come from a VERY long line of working women. And guess what, they were also mothers as well. I went back to work 4 months after my daugher was born. My mom (who was a teacher) went out right before I was born in Feb. and came back the next school year. Course, that was in '55 when wome who were preggers weren't supposed to work and the school system demanded they stop working after a certain point. Boy have we FINALLY grown out of that BS.
The point is here that, quite frankly, "Dr." Laura is NO doctor and is, was, and always will be one of the biggest hypocrites put on this earth, imho. She's one of these "do as I say, not as I do" types. I have NO respect for her or her ilk. As for Colter, don't EVEN go there for that BS that she spews. Her comments re: the 9/11 widows turned my stomach, particularly since my best friend's parish church lost 25 in the Towers. She's another one who spews nothing but BS and hate. Sad thing is, people actually believe that crap.
RecoveryCoach, you asked what triggers me about Laura - it's the hyprocrisy and her unrealistic views of a world that simply does not exist nor does she have ANY understanding of. Sorry, I have to live in the real world and quite frankly, I wouldn't live anywhere else, even with all the stress our family's under at the moment. I'd work even if I didn't have to. I'd feel like a total leech if I didn't.
Flag as inappropriate Posted by JDaffron on 24th April 2009
Flag as inappropriate Posted by Jessica on 23rd April 2009
Flag as inappropriate Posted by Amber on 23rd April 2009
Thanks for your comment and question. I'm all for "love and light," but I also think that it's ok to have and express a difference of opinion. I think as women it's important for us to be able to have open, honest discussions about important issues. We are not spreading "hatred and intolerance" simply because we have strong opinions. We do not always have to focus on "finding the good" - it is ok to point out the negatives of someone else's agenda.
As for why Dr. Laura's opinion "triggers" me - well, I guess I find it hard to sit by quietly when a self-professed expert sends a message out into the world that I so strongly disagree with. That's what free speech is all about. Dr. Laura is free to say what she wants, but the check on that is that the rest of us are free to (loudly) disagree. I disagree with the notion that the only way to raise happy, healthy kids is to have a stay-at-home mom and working dad.
Flag as inappropriate Posted by Traci Feit Love on 23rd April 2009
Thanks for your comment. You are certainly entitled to your opinion (as we all are), and I'm glad you shared it. At the same time, I have to disagree with you that "because mothers aren't home, children aren't getting the love and attention they need." It's just impossible to make those kinds of generalizations. In my family, my husband provides full-time care to our daughter and she gets plenty of love and attention. There are a lot of ways for children to get the love and attention they need to thrive; I just don't think there's one "right way" for everyone to raise kids. I also hope for your sake that you can let go of the guilt you feel for leaving your child with a daycare provider. If you don't have a choice in the matter, then you have nothing to feel guilty about.
Flag as inappropriate Posted by Traci Feit Love on 23rd April 2009
When I read or heard her speak, I heard her relating to her own experience as both a working mom and a stay at home mom, and her own truths about when she was aligning with her own feelings and thoughts about herself as a mom. I didn't hear her speaking for you or your experience, or your choice.
I think anything taken out of context can be interpreted in many ways depending on what we are each looking for. Even within the context, we will look for something that either proves or disproves what we initially believe about ourselves. We are all connected, and often times we mirror for one another the things we are afraid of within ourselves. The what-ifs... what if it is true that I am really this horrific mother? A fear many of us share deep within. So we run around trying to prove or disprove the theory so we can be and feel okay in the world. We all have the capacity to be great moms, and horrible moms, and many of us are a mixture of both at different times. That is not dependent on if we work outside the home or in the home. That is simply a part of us being human here.
Hatred and intolerance is easily spread. It takes more energy to love and find the good within those around us.
To acknowledge our own (seemingly) imperfections is scary, thus we point out those in others. That is much much easier. O, that bad bad Dr. Laura... :-)
Peace begins within each of us, and it takes some effort for each of us to be responsible in having an awareness about what we say and do, and questioning our own motivation for such things.
Much love and light!~Cheryl
Flag as inappropriate Posted by RecoveryCoach on 23rd April 2009