"Dr. Laura" is at it again. In her latest book, In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms (which could actually be called "A Criticism of Working Moms"), she complains that working moms just don't feel guilty enough about leaving their kids with paid childcare providers (you can check out an excerpt here).
"There used to be a guilt factor about parenting your own kids versus paying someone else to. Guilt is not the motivator it used to be, as folks have shifted from 'should' to 'feel like/or not.' These days, the 'feely' answer usually wins out."
I will spare you all of my thoughts about Dr. Laura (since it would take you all day to read them) and just directly address her statement about guilt.
In Dr. Laura's perfect world, mothers would feel too guilty to work outside the home. They would feel so guilty about leaving their kids with a childcare provider that they would instead become stay-at-home moms and "benefit from the joy of motherhood." That's right -- she thinks that moms who want to work, but instead stay home out of guilt, would actually be joyful about their situation.
I'm trying very hard here to remain professional and not say something childish (such as, for example, "Dr. Laura is an idiot"). So how can I put this? Dr. Laura fails to understand that not everyone shares her view of the world, and that she does not have the moral high ground simply because she claims to. Oh, and she's wrong.
I believe that children benefit from having parents who find fulfillment in what they do -- whether they work full-time, stay home full-time, or work out some other arrangement. A miserable stay-at-home mom isn't doing anyone any good. Nor is a working mom who feels horribly guilty about her choice (if she actually has a choice) to work outside the home.
I suggest that when a mom is feeling guilty about something she's not doing (staying home, for example), she consider thinking about what she is doing (providing for her family). Why shouldn't that mom feel proud of herself for what she's giving to her family?
No mother can be all things to her kids -- so why not take pride in what we are able to do?
When it comes to praising moms, as Dr. Laura claims to be doing, let's give praise where it's due: not only to stay-at-home moms, but to all moms doing their best to raise happy, healthy children.
What do you think? What are you most proud of as a mother?
P.S. "Dr." Laura's PhD is in physiology (not psychology or psychiatry or anything that relates to giving the type of advice she offers). Not sure how that's relevant to this particular post, but thought you should know.
31 comments so far...
Thanks for your comment and question. I'm all for "love and light," but I also think that it's ok to have and express a difference of opinion. I think as women it's important for us to be able to have open, honest discussions about important issues. We are not spreading "hatred and intolerance" simply because we have strong opinions. We do not always have to focus on "finding the good" - it is ok to point out the negatives of someone else's agenda.
As for why Dr. Laura's opinion "triggers" me - well, I guess I find it hard to sit by quietly when a self-professed expert sends a message out into the world that I so strongly disagree with. That's what free speech is all about. Dr. Laura is free to say what she wants, but the check on that is that the rest of us are free to (loudly) disagree. I disagree with the notion that the only way to raise happy, healthy kids is to have a stay-at-home mom and working dad.
Flag as inappropriate Posted by Traci Feit Love on 23rd April 2009
Thanks for your comment. You are certainly entitled to your opinion (as we all are), and I'm glad you shared it. At the same time, I have to disagree with you that "because mothers aren't home, children aren't getting the love and attention they need." It's just impossible to make those kinds of generalizations. In my family, my husband provides full-time care to our daughter and she gets plenty of love and attention. There are a lot of ways for children to get the love and attention they need to thrive; I just don't think there's one "right way" for everyone to raise kids. I also hope for your sake that you can let go of the guilt you feel for leaving your child with a daycare provider. If you don't have a choice in the matter, then you have nothing to feel guilty about.
Flag as inappropriate Posted by Traci Feit Love on 23rd April 2009
When I read or heard her speak, I heard her relating to her own experience as both a working mom and a stay at home mom, and her own truths about when she was aligning with her own feelings and thoughts about herself as a mom. I didn't hear her speaking for you or your experience, or your choice.
I think anything taken out of context can be interpreted in many ways depending on what we are each looking for. Even within the context, we will look for something that either proves or disproves what we initially believe about ourselves. We are all connected, and often times we mirror for one another the things we are afraid of within ourselves. The what-ifs... what if it is true that I am really this horrific mother? A fear many of us share deep within. So we run around trying to prove or disprove the theory so we can be and feel okay in the world. We all have the capacity to be great moms, and horrible moms, and many of us are a mixture of both at different times. That is not dependent on if we work outside the home or in the home. That is simply a part of us being human here.
Hatred and intolerance is easily spread. It takes more energy to love and find the good within those around us.
To acknowledge our own (seemingly) imperfections is scary, thus we point out those in others. That is much much easier. O, that bad bad Dr. Laura... :-)
Peace begins within each of us, and it takes some effort for each of us to be responsible in having an awareness about what we say and do, and questioning our own motivation for such things.
Much love and light!~Cheryl
Flag as inappropriate Posted by RecoveryCoach on 23rd April 2009
Why have children for someone else to raise?
Doesn't make sense to me, and I feel guilt everyday for leaving my child with a daycare provider.
Thanks feminism!
Because mothers aren't at home, children aren't getting the love and attention they need.
And now, thank god they can get the morning after pill at 17! Thank you! Because geez, I'm not at home keeping an eye on them and teaching them good morals, we have a good back up plan.
I believe this is all fueled by greed.
Greed for monetary items. You work for money to live in your fancy house, have nice clothes and good shoes.
Thanks Capitalism!
I really do stand with "dr" Laura and Ann coulter that the break up in our country is due to single mothering and mothers not being home with their children.
I was a divorced mother. Remarried now.
I am a working mother.
Flag as inappropriate Posted by n_nichole on 23rd April 2009
Flag as inappropriate Posted by omommy on 23rd April 2009
I come from a very LONG line of working women. About 6 generations worth, to be exact, and I'm damn proud of it. My daughter will soon be the 7th generation, as will, God willing, those women who come after her. Frankly, I don't put much creedence in such a self-absorbed, self-righteous "Dr." (who isn't). I have to live in the real world. Apparently, she doesn't.
Flag as inappropriate Posted by JKLD on 23rd April 2009
Flag as inappropriate Posted by Beth on 23rd April 2009
Flag as inappropriate Posted by D'SMommy1329 on 23rd April 2009
Flag as inappropriate Posted by Stacey S on 22nd April 2009
Flag as inappropriate Posted by Traci Feit Love on 22nd April 2009
I found the Wikipedia article (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laura_Schlessinger) on her very interesting.
Flag as inappropriate Posted by LauraEarnest.com on 21st April 2009
Flag as inappropriate Posted by Dollface on 21st April 2009