"Dr. Laura" is at it again. In her latest book, In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms (which could actually be called "A Criticism of Working Moms"), she complains that working moms just don't feel guilty enough about leaving their kids with paid childcare providers (you can check out an excerpt here).
"There used to be a guilt factor about parenting your own kids versus paying someone else to. Guilt is not the motivator it used to be, as folks have shifted from 'should' to 'feel like/or not.' These days, the 'feely' answer usually wins out."
I will spare you all of my thoughts about Dr. Laura (since it would take you all day to read them) and just directly address her statement about guilt.
In Dr. Laura's perfect world, mothers would feel too guilty to work outside the home. They would feel so guilty about leaving their kids with a childcare provider that they would instead become stay-at-home moms and "benefit from the joy of motherhood." That's right -- she thinks that moms who want to work, but instead stay home out of guilt, would actually be joyful about their situation.
I'm trying very hard here to remain professional and not say something childish (such as, for example, "Dr. Laura is an idiot"). So how can I put this? Dr. Laura fails to understand that not everyone shares her view of the world, and that she does not have the moral high ground simply because she claims to. Oh, and she's wrong.
I believe that children benefit from having parents who find fulfillment in what they do -- whether they work full-time, stay home full-time, or work out some other arrangement. A miserable stay-at-home mom isn't doing anyone any good. Nor is a working mom who feels horribly guilty about her choice (if she actually has a choice) to work outside the home.
I suggest that when a mom is feeling guilty about something she's not doing (staying home, for example), she consider thinking about what she is doing (providing for her family). Why shouldn't that mom feel proud of herself for what she's giving to her family?
No mother can be all things to her kids -- so why not take pride in what we are able to do?
When it comes to praising moms, as Dr. Laura claims to be doing, let's give praise where it's due: not only to stay-at-home moms, but to all moms doing their best to raise happy, healthy children.
What do you think? What are you most proud of as a mother?
P.S. "Dr." Laura's PhD is in physiology (not psychology or psychiatry or anything that relates to giving the type of advice she offers). Not sure how that's relevant to this particular post, but thought you should know.
31 comments so far...
Flag as inappropriate Posted by Dollface on 21st April 2009
Flag as inappropriate Posted by breedlove67 on 21st April 2009
Flag as inappropriate Posted by Kit Kingsley Basler on 21st April 2009
Flag as inappropriate Posted by SKL on 21st April 2009
I suppose Dr. Laura would argue that working IS, in fact, within our control. But I beg to differ. As a single mom (and therefore total anathema to Dr. Laura, I feel sure), I really don't have a choice. And that whole question of WOHM v/s SAHM is a decidedly middle-class concern. Women in poverty have worked for centuries, and moms who have money have had nannies for centuries (often whether they had a paying job outside the home or not).
I guess what I'm saying here is that her "historical" argument in fact assumes an incredibly ethnocentric and narrow-minded view of history. Somehow I'm not surprised.
Flag as inappropriate Posted by Steel Magnolia on 21st April 2009
Flag as inappropriate Posted by sammysmom on 20th April 2009
I'm an Elementary teacher who loves her job. I don't love the time it takes me out of my life, but while I'm there, I'm usually happy and fulfilled. I enjoy my job and I do it well. When I stayed home with my daughter for the first months of her life (all we could afford), I was lonely, bored, and sad. I thought maybe I had a mild case of PPD, since I obviously wasn't myself and every day seemed long and the next one longer. I delighted in my daughter, but newborns are not conversationalists, and they sleep a lot. I am one of those people who needs people to talk to, jobs to do. I was so very bored, and desperate to get out and about. I drug my little one everywhere, even joined the only Mom's Club I could find, geared towards toddlers, just so I could get out and have things to do again. Then I went back to work and suddenly I was back to myself again. I literally felt like I'd awakened from a sad dream where I'd gotten my greatest wish ( my darling daughter) but paid the greatest price (myself). Going back to work, I suddenly had both. Had my cake and ate it too, you might say. But happy as I was, I would have had to go back to work anyway. See, there's this thing called money...
Dr. Laura's worst assumption is that every working mother is choosing to do so. 1. I couldn't afford not to work, my hubby and I are both teachers, we've tried to tweak everything in our budget down to bare bones, it just can't be done. 2. We both love being teachers and as you said, there is the importance of a fulfilled parent. 3. I AM still raising my child. Nobody just slaps their kid in whatever daycare center they find first, we all check and research or tell our babysitter how we need things done with our children, etc. I still see my daughter more hours in a week than her babysitter (Nana, in this case, luckily). I'm still #1, and I'm working full-time. So Dr. Laura can kindly sit on it.
Flag as inappropriate Posted by Meg D. on 20th April 2009