So my brain’s Annoyance Tolerator Chip crashed the other day. Since then, I’ve found myself irritated with…let’s see…just about everything!
Here’s my Top 10 list. Feel free to add yours in the “Comments” section.
Anyone who’s ever paid $100 a plate for wedding no-shows knows what I’m talking about. When asked a simple question (“Are you coming?”), an MIT doctorate in molecular genetics is not required. “Yes” or “No” will do. Some people view RSVPs as purely optional. I’m guessing they also consider death purely theoretical.
Weirdly Spelled First Names
Go ahead, give your kid a trendy name. Just don’t spell it in a way that resembles an eye chart, then get huffy when I need help spelling it. “That’s Mi-KAY-lah! M-Y-C-K-Z-E-A-Y-L-O-U-G-H. Naturally, the Z and G are silent.” (Naturally!)
The interior of my car looks like the contents of a shark’s stomach. Drive-by coffee spills. Goldfish crackers. Muffin crumbs. Dog hair. But whenever I get into the car of someone who keeps theirs pristine, I’m terrified they’ll go postal if I sneeze. It’s just transportation, not a dust-free lab at NASA, right?
The Cost of Cereal
Like Jerry Seinfeld, I love cereal. Actually, I love mixing cereals together (my drugs of choice: Total and Quaker’s 100% Natural). But the price? It’s like crack, with riboflavin. If tax dollars subsidize new NFL stadiums, why not Rice Krispies? I’m just sayin’…
Certain songs should proceed directly to that special wing in hell where Bad Tunes Go To Die. “Muskrat Love,” “Hollaback Girl,” “(Your Song Choice here!)”
I wouldn’t know a “long, buttery finish” if it came up and bit my ear lobe off. I’m happy wine is capable of “honeyed quince and citrus flavors with fig and melon aromas.” Really I am. But here’s all I need to know: is it dry or sweet, fruity or not, served from a carafe or a cardboard box?
Overly Chummy Waiters
Rachel Forrest, our friend and local food critic, shares the same pet peeves as me (you, too?). I’m not wild about being addressed as “you guys.” Scooching down by my side to take my order? Not loving it. Being asked, “Are you still working on that?” like I’m a Neanderthal gnawing on the femur of a woolly mammoth? Could do without it.