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Elizabeth over at Career and Kids, wrote a very thoughtful post in reaction to my post here yesterday. And one part, in particular, made me think of the flip side of hiding your status as a mom from your employer, colleagues, and clients. From Elizabeth’s post:
“There are working parents, and, I daresay that they are more often mothers, who behave as if having children is a free pass to get special treatment in the workplace, and, to abandon their professional demeanor, and, co-workers, and, clients, as well as employers have grown weary of it.
Yes, sometimes, they really do have a problem taking an employee/parent seriously when that employee isn’t behaving seriously.”
She is right. I’ve met several working moms who seemed to believe that just being a mom entitled them to have more flexibility at work. About a year ago I interviewed a woman who had two kids for a job with my former employer. It was a full-time position and she knew this coming in. When during the interview she realized that I was also a mom, she smiled and said: “Oh, that’s great! I am so excited because now I know we can figure out how to make my job part-time.”
I think it is a valid question to consider: Should working parents - including moms and dads - be allowed some special treatment at work in terms of flexibility? One side would say yes - if they are well-performing employees, an employer would gain by helping them juggle work and family by keeping them in the workforce. The other side would say no - if a job is a full-time job that has to be done in the office, then a person doing this job, whether or not she is a parent, has to be there to do it.
But there is another dynamic that was in play during my interview with this particular working mom: Because I was a working mom as well she expected that I would be more flexible in terms of her own job. I found myself in a tough spot. I wanted to be sympathetic - heck, I was sympathetic! - but I also knew that this particular job could not be done part-time (it was for an office manager and she really did have to be there 9-5 to deal with the many things that usually came up without warning.) When I told her that I didn’t think it was possible to work part-time, she gave me a horrible I-can’t-believe-you-won’t-support-me look and the rest of our interview went quickly and badly.
What do you think about special treatment for working parents in the workplace? Is this something an employer owes to its employees who have kids (and something the employer can gain from?) I’d also love to hear your reactions about being on the hiring or manager side of the table as a working mom - do you find that other working parents expect you to be more flexible with them?
This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 30th, 2007 at 8:35 am and is filed under Working Women Issues.
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May 30th, 2007 at 11:08 am
I had to go away and think about this one for a minute. I realized that I personally would not agree to continue to work for an employer that didn’t offer me some flexibiltiy. (Disclosure: I had 7 months maternity leave; I’ve been telecommuting at 75% time for the past 6 months and will go back to “mostly” in the office 100% time July 1st. My daughter will be 20 months.) I’m lucky enough to be in a financial position that I was able to risk walking away if my employer hadn’t given me some flexibility…plenty of people can’t do that. But I also realized that, I don’t really think it’s fair for employers to offer special treatment to working moms when there are lots of other people out there who have equally pressing commitments (eldercare leaps to mind). I think that compassionate and ethical employers should accommodate hard-working employees who have caretaking responsibilities of all sorts but, as things stand now, that accommodation surely isn’t somethig that we are owed. All that said, there are jobs that are just not suited to flexible schedules (although, really, IMHO, not that many). Frankly, I thnk that we as a society place too much emphasis on hours spent working (i.e. quantity over quality) and that more flexibility and time off would be in everyone’s best interest.
May 30th, 2007 at 12:56 pm
I think flexibility in the workplace is a good thing; many jobs can be done via telecommuting, or jobsharing, or unconventional hours. Do I think having children entitles you to that? No. I think greater flexibility should be available to EVERYONE, provided the position in question allows for it.
I agree with you (and Elizabeth) that parents who seem to believe they’re entitled to special treatment sort of set up the rest of us for the expectation that we’re less serious employees. And that’s a problem.
Employers shouldn’t be flexible for parents, they should be flexible for any valued employee. That said, I also think that sort of flexibility is something that needs to be earned. Who walks into an interview for a full-time job announcing that they only want to work part-time? Gah!
May 30th, 2007 at 1:04 pm
I was floored when she asked me. And the thing is, this was a really sharp woman who had previously managed a big hedge fund office -so she knew that the job could not get done part-time. I don’t think she would have asked one of my male, childless colleagues about working part-time if they had interviewed her.
May 30th, 2007 at 1:39 pm
I’ve been on both sides of the question. As an employee and parent, I’ve appreciated the flexibility my employers have offered at times when I’ve needed it, but I don’t think I’ve made excessive use of it. I haven’t yet had a job where telecommuting’s been an option, but I’m actually a fan of unconventional hours as long as the work’s getting done.
As a co-worker and manager, though, I’ve seen people really take advantage - to the point where their erratic attendance at work becomes an issue for the whole department. When called on that, they’ve been heard to respond that “(my) family comes first, and I do what I have to.” I understand that. I’d even say that working moms are making that point through contributing to meet the financial needs of their families (along with all the other needs we’re fulfilling). My issue is with the sense of entitlement that employees who defend themselves this way seem to have; it’s like they think they’re doing their employer a favor by being there at all - since they’ve stated work isn’t their main priority - and they should be accommodated accordingly. And I think that wanting to convert a full-time job to a part-time one probably is an idea that should be discussed once someone’s had that job awhile, NOT when they’re interviewing for it.
May 31st, 2007 at 1:49 pm
As a working mom I have to say that I am extremely grateful to work for an understanding and tolerant company. If my child is sick I have the freedom to work from home, and since she was born I’ve been able to rework my schedule so that it fits my family’s needs. That said, I’ve never let my family life jeopardize my work. If something needs to get done, I find a way to do it, even if my daughter has a high fever and is not well.
I don’t feel entitled as a mom, however, my priorities did change when my daughter was born. Before I was more than happy to stay late and chip in on projects that were not specifically mine, now I organize my time better and make a concerted effort to get out of the door on time. But that shouldn’t be a privilege! lol.
It was unreasonable for someone to come to a job interview and try to change the requirements on the spot. You wouldn’t go to an interview for a race car driver’s position and tell the person that you really want to write for a living. It’s not the best way of demonstrating that you know how to follow instructions!
May 31st, 2007 at 11:07 pm
What I would love to see in the workplace is everyone accomodate for their circumstances, provided the work gets done in a reasonable matter. Some companies focus so much on perception, or managers worry about how their peers will view them if they let their employees telecommute, or work more flexible schedules. It should be results and attitude that matter more than whether at your desk from 8-6 and always available nights and weekends. I’ve been pretty lucky with understanding bosses, and when they weren’t I’ve been assertive enough to do what I needed to do and not worry about the disgruntled looks.
I think it’s fine to ask about part-time once you know more about the job and you can explain how it might work (just went to a panel about that) but it should not be expected you would accomodate a request like that just because you’re a mom.
On the other side, unfotunately, I have heard of women who’s children are grown who don’t want to help out a new mom. Maybe they’ve forgotten what it was like, or want to penalize their mommy employees for what they had to go through, or worse, assume since it was so hard for them they don’t want even want to take a chance by hiring a mom of young children.