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This morning I had tea with a fabulous single working mom. (Well, she had coffee, but it sounded nice to say that we had tea - one thing Brits do better than most of us!) We talked about all sorts of career and work related topics, including some ways in which our companies are going to work together. We also talked about our lives outside of work and that’s when she said something that made me (secretly) green with envy: Her son was with his father this week.
Don’t get me wrong - I adore my little 3 year-old bundle of energy. I adore her so much that I changed my life, quit a lucrative career, and launched a company so I could work crazy hours but do it on my own time and around her schedule. But she is 3 and doesn’t stop moving or talking. Ever. (What 3 year old does?) And while I have an amazingly involved husband who is a great dad, it is exhausting to never get a break. And as my tea mate was talking about all the great things she’s gotten done this week (going grocery shopping on her own, in peace, and without having a child pull off every box of candy into the shopping card) I was envious.
I have friends who are or have been single moms and I am not delusional to think that it’s rosy or easy or anything but difficult. But I’ve also heard from some single moms that they enjoy being able to have adult-only time when their ex-husband or partner is watching the kids.
I know we have some single moms at Work It, Mom! and I’d love to hear from you - is this true? Do you look forward to having some alone time?
This entry was posted on Friday, July 6th, 2007 at 10:49 am and is filed under Your life.
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July 8th, 2007 at 2:49 pm
Hi Nataly - Thanks for being honest! Here’s my reponse on http://www.womensdish.com: http://womensdish.typepad.com/the_womens_dish/2007/07/the-view-from-t.html.
Diane
July 8th, 2007 at 3:40 pm
Glad to know I’m not the only one who has had this thought. Many times, the thought of getting every other weekend free sounds very appealing!! But, I wouldn’t trade with a single Mom either. It’s gotta be tough most days.
July 8th, 2007 at 7:06 pm
Do I cherish my time away from them? You better believe it. You cannot work and parent around the clock without a break. As much as I enjoy my alone time, I know without a doubt that the kids need their break from me as well. They spend every other weekend with their dad. There is consistency in that schedule and they look forward to seeing him. In addition to their time with him they also spend time with extended family. This week they are spending a few days at my sisters house.
I don’t care if you are single or not. You HAVE to have time for you. All parents need time for themselves.
July 11th, 2007 at 1:07 pm
I am a single, working mom of a 2 1/2 year old little girl. Her father has never met her, but is aware of her existence. I could not do it without the support of my mother (a widow) and close friends. I rarely have time to myself but would not trade my situation for the world. She has added so much joy to my life and to all those who have had the pleasure of meeting her. I dread the day her dad may show up and want to be part of her (our) lives, because I don’t believe I will be able to adjust let alone share her with him. I take my hat off to all working moms, single or married. I don’t think we have many differences. Maybe just the fact that my toothpaste cap is always on. lol
August 15th, 2007 at 4:21 pm
I’m more in the Heather situation–which actually illustrates an interesting point: You really can’t assume that “single” mom means the same thing to all women.
Like Nataly and the married moms, I am envious of my divorced friends. That bi-weekly holiday sure looks good sometimes, and absence can make the heart grow fonder–especially with a tween testing her boundaries. My parents have just started taking The Ladies for one overnight a month, and I confess, I glory in that time. All the oxygen is MINE. I can eat ice cream for dinner. Watch whatever I want on tv. Stay up late, or go to bed early. It is GLORIOUS. But like Heather, I don’t think I’d feel the same wild abandon were I to send them off with their fathers. I’d be anxious, worried, and miss them like crazy.
It may be a grass is greener thing.
October 12th, 2007 at 5:03 pm
I stumbled across this message chain looking for ideas about how to manage my schedule and just HAD to chime in. As said above single mom means a lot of things. For me it means that am a widow with no family around to help out. I am a SINGLE parent, no breaks, no help–all me.
Divorced parents have to deal with negotiating with their ex–I LOVE that I don’t have to deal with that. But, what I would give to have someone else help out-my husband or an ex. I’m always out of vacation or sick days because of appts. School breaks, I fly my mom in across country to cover.
The grass is always greener, but I am thankful for my friends, a great job and a great kid. Now if someone could just explain how I can get 9 hours of work, 2 hours of commuting (includes school drop-off), 1 hours of breakfast, dressing, 2 hours of dinner, bath bedtime stories, and 12 hours of sleep (for my girl) all in a 24 hour day- you are my new best friend.
March 17th, 2008 at 11:12 am
I am a single working mom…and my day job is pretty stressful, especially since most of the men in my office act as though I don’t exist.
My one true salvation is going home to my son, who is five. That smile lights up my world.
Spending time with him is my respite from the world and i wouldn’t trade it for all the spa days, manicure-pedicure moments, or all the vacations on a luxury island retreat in the world.
I don’t have the support of family - and friends emerge only when I am hosting a dinner or some other event at my home. So it really is just me and him.
And really, that is just fine by me!
April 25th, 2008 at 11:48 am
When my ex and I first split up, he went a long time before he had our kids overnight. It was hard for me to relinquish them to him (he’d never been a very involved parent) and, as such, it was hard for me to enjoy my time alone — Even though I was desperate for it!
In time, though, I have come to LOVE when my boys are visiting their dad. I get to sit and linger over coffee and read the paper…I get to shop and actually try clothes on…I get to sleep in, stay in my PJs all day and entertain only myself. Or — I get to go on a date without having to find a babysitter.
Single parenting definitely has its challenges, and learning to appreciate and enjoy my alone time has been one of them. But I do now!
April 25th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
I absolutely enjoy my time when my kids are with their dad, and it helps everyone that my ex and I share custody and have a good “partnership.” (Believe me, I know not all single moms have this type of support.) But don’t be mistaken — much of my time alone has been spent doing a zillion chores and errands, not lounging around, so I would just caution anyone who has that perception. There is definitely a benefit to having time with no one but yourself, but on the days when we’re together there is no one but me to do all of the work.
April 25th, 2008 at 8:13 pm
My ex and I share our daughter 50/50; we alternate weeks. But, like Susan, my kidlet-free time is spent doing laundry, restocking the fridge, putting in extra hours at work, cleaning, finding the time to be sick, seeing my doctor or therapist and other such fun tasks.
If I’m lucky I can squeeze in a night out with friends and a single afternoon of wandering with no purpose - coffee, book browsing and a visit to my favorite second-hand stores. Sometimes I am simply so tired from being her one-and-only for a week that I don’t even leave the house for one entire day of my free weekend.
But…I wouldn’t change it for the world. I am a far happier person (and mum) being single!
Say…maybe what I need is a wife…
April 28th, 2008 at 8:09 pm
Being a parent is a non-stop job, we all know that. I think that what being a single parent, at least to me, is balancing, readjusting, etc like all other parents do, often without that extra set of hands around. i can understand how you might view that free time and be slightly envious [yeah sometimes I am too! when my son is with his father] my free weekends are filled with chores, errands and the chance to do some sleeping, relaxing and whatever i fancy!
however at the same time, i do wish that i had a partner to give me a pat on the back, an extra hand at 3am with a toddler puking, to take out the trash, do the dishes, wash the floors, do the umpteenth load of laundry… yeah times like that i would trade my free weekend in a heartbeat. i am not romanticizing the two parent household-it aint all roses, i know that from experience… but still…
i guess the bottom line is that the parenting gig is pretty hard no matter how you do it.