In the US, women make less than men for doing the same job.

This is a sad fact, but it is true. We’re used to hearing that this is because women take time off to have and take care of their children they interrupt their rise to senior and higher-paying positions at work. But according to a recent study, women make 20% less than men just one year out of college (after 10 years in the workforce, they make 30% less for doing the same work.) This means that something else is contributing to the pay-gap between men and women.

Studies have shown over and over that one of these contributors is the fact that women don’t ask for raises nearly as often or as forcefully as men do. There are many books on the subject of why don’t women negotiate for raises and many career coaches focus on helping women learn how to negotiate better. But this morning I read a great post by Leslie Morgan Steiner about another reason that women might not be negotiating for raises or promotions: We pay a price for it if we do it. She talks about a recent study that showed in the workplace, men were always less willing to work with women who had attempted to negotiate vs. those who didn’t. And they didn’t care if they worked with men who negotiated.

This really resonated with me. The idea that women don’t negotiate because we’re not confident enough in our abilities has always struck me as incomplete. I am what you’d consider a fairly gutsy person in most areas of my life. I understood early on in my work life that in order to get promoted or get a raise I’d have to ask for it. And I did. But in most situations I always got the sense that asking for a raise might get me the raise but also bring with it a certain stigma: She’s too aggressive, stay away from working with her.

A few years ago I worked at a small firm where I found out that someone who was hired after me for the same level job was being paid more. (Yes, he was a guy.) I went in and asked my boss for a raise. Later that day I heard him speaking to another senior partner when he said that he was surprised at how aggressive I was asking for a raise and that he didn’t realize I was going to be that way. The other senior partner said that he wondered what else this could lead to. I got the raise, a month later, after a protracted and heated discussion. But that’s not the point. The senior men I worked for seemed to now be on guard for other stuff I might “aggressively” ask for and I knew that would have much preferred to work with someone a bit more complacent.

What about you? Do you negotiate for promotions and raises at work? Do you find that there is a stigma against women who ask for things at work?