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I just came back from seeing a new doctor. We moved recently, so I am making the doctor rounds (fun, I know.) This time it was a new OBGYN and I really liked her, which is a HUGE relief, since I loved my OB back in NYC and have been dreading switching to someone new. But something happened at the appointment that has compelled me to intrude on our Guest Blogger Tuesday here at the Work It, Mom! Blog:
In the pile of the paperwork that the doctor’s office gave me to fill out there was a basic “tell us about yourself” questionnaire. I was on autopilot while filling it out until I got to this question:
Do you work outside the home?
First I just tried to figure out what to write as an answer. Since I work from a home office, the obvious choice was, of course, to write “No”. But what I think the question was asking is whether I have a job and the answer to that is “Yes”. What I really wanted to write in that field is a long and somewhat annoyed essay about the millions of moms who work from home, make a living for their families, and don’t see themselves as not working simply because they don’t go to an office every day. But I got a hold of myself just in time to just write “Run a company from home” and move on to the next set of questions.
But this stayed with me and I can’t shake it. The question is representative of what I do think is an existing bias about moms who work from home–that is, that they don’t really work. To be honest, I’ve never really cared about this issue until I became one of them. I used to have a fairly high-flying career in finance, I went to an office every day wearing nice business clothes, and no one ever questioned the seriousness of my job. They knew I worked hard, I made a lot of money, I supported a family. I was respected and I liked it. Now I work from home running my own company. It’s the toughest job I’ve ever had, I work more than ever, and I solve tough business problems daily. The success or failure of this company will have a huge impact on our family’s financial future. And yet I continuously run into people who assume that simply because I work from home that this must be some kind of a hobby and I must have a husband who makes a lot of money. Even questions on doctor’s forms only want to know if I work from home!
I am sick of this. I know I should brush it off and not care, but I do care. My professional success is important to me, as is my professional image. I know that society is making small strides towards accepting the different ways in which people work, but it’s too slow. And I don’t think the repercussions amount to just a bunch of moms like me getting upset about people assuming they don’t do serious work from home. The bias that working from home is not serious work is one of the reasons so few companies offer their employees flexible schedules or opportunities to work remotely–i.e. if our employees are working from home they must be watching TV and eating chocolate all day.
I like solving problems so my instinct is to ask what we can do about this perception. One of the reasons we created Work It, Mom! is to give the millions of working moms a place to talk about their work-life juggle and to share the different ways that they are managing it, the different ways in which they are working and living. Personally, it’s been an eye-opener and I do think that talking about the different ways in which we work and sharing our experiences is one way to fight the bias that work only gets done in an office building.
Do you have other ideas? If you work from home, do you encounter people who don’t think you really work? If you work in an office, what do you think about people who work from home? Sound off in the comments!
This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 16th, 2007 at 1:26 pm and is filed under Balancing Act, Career Talk, Working Women Issues.
Tags: bias, Career Talk, flexible work, WAHM, work-life juggle, working from home, working full-time, working part-time
October 16th, 2007 at 4:07 pm
Have you seen this piece on Mommy Track’d? It strikes me that she’s asking a similar question from a somewhat different angle: http://www.mommytrackd.com/Am-I-A-Real-Working-Mom
I do work in an office - always have. I don’t know if I always will - depends how long I keep doing what I do now, I guess. But I think that work is work, regardless of where you’re based to do it. I think working from home may be even more challenging, since it’s not as inherently structured and compartmentalized as “going to the office” is - and that may be why some people don’t take it as seriously. I think that communities like ours here are working to change that perception, but it is going to take a lot longer - so hang in there, Nataly, and keep fighting the good fight!
October 16th, 2007 at 4:16 pm
I work in an office, but my husband works from home and although he may watch some TV while he’s working (he’s a CNBC junkie), he spends a lot more time actually working than most folks do in an office. In fact, I’m amazed at how busy and productive he is.
I also admire him for being disciplined enough to do it, especially since our teeny house does not include a dedicated office area. I think people who work well from home should get more respect rather than less.
October 16th, 2007 at 6:39 pm
Nataly,
I think the question on the questionaire should have been do you work PERIOD? Because that is what makes the difference. Where you work doesn’t matter. I know some people who work in their bed…or some people who do conference calls while on the beach. Does that mean that decisions are being made and ACTION isn’t happening because you are not in a “official” office in a building with a company name on the side. I have worked most of my adult life in “corporate” America and in 2005, I decided to start working from home with managing the daily operations for my husband’s floor cleaning business. Now, I believe one of the most interesting changes that I didn’t expect is that by working at home, I worked MORE hours than I did when I was in corporate America. This year, I decided to branch off again and start my own virtual assistant business based on my expertise in the administrative industry. Working from home does give me more flexibility with my daughter’s school schedule, however, that doesn’t stop by determination and goals for my business.
For work at home moms, I do believe it can take a bit more discipline but once you know what you want to do,how to get there, and have the SUPPORT from your family for your business, you can be successful.
Great topic Nataly!
October 16th, 2007 at 9:00 pm
I think the real question is - how do you classify moms that stay home and dont have a job that earns money? if you say they dont have a job - you get ‘being a mom is a job!’ so i think many places moved to ‘working outside the home’ as a way to not offend the ’stay at home mom’. the tricky thing is a lot of ’stay at hom moms’ now also work from home. Really i think doctors are just trying to get a baseline of what your day is like for stress, potential accidents, or how to talk to you about potential hazards you may face during your day - whatever happens in that day.
Natay! i would have also paused and not known what to say in your position! maybe we all need to come up with some other way of defining ourselves as mothers/families/workers?
October 17th, 2007 at 7:42 am
I just replied to Working From Home Isn’t Serious with a whole different thought.
When I started working from home it was still a very new concept. Our new neighbors (and I’m sure the old neighbors) thought I was an indulged housewife for lots of reasons. I had time to garden and sit out in the late afternoon sun with a book and glass of wine (oh, nostalgia). And when the baby came everyone commented on how lucky I was to be home with her. That is certainly true but it doesn’t mean she (now they) get my undivided attention. I’m working, damn it, not building lego houses all day and painting hand prints and baking cookies.
The great thing is that more and more people are working from home. Men especially, I find. Those people I know who are in this position and are working for someone else tend to work harder and longer than when they are in the office. I know that when I have a babysitter here I’m working harder b/c I can devote my energy to just that but that’s another topic. And this brings up the issue of mom working from home vs. dad. I can site a half dozen cases, maybe more, of mom still trying to multi task and dad just working on work. Oops, guess that’s another topic, too. I need coffee…
October 17th, 2007 at 7:57 am
Maybe someday the forms will ask, “Do you work at home as a stay-at-home parent, do you work from home at a job other than/in addition to parenting, or do you work outside the home?” Of course that takes up a lot of space. But why not, really? It’s all work, it’s all valid, it’s all highly important.
October 17th, 2007 at 8:19 am
You know, this really has me thinking about the forms I have my yoga students fill out. I think I’ll be changing them. I ask the “occupation” so I know if they sit all day, stand all day and if they, cough, cough, have some skill I can barter with. Duh, I never took into account the mommy thing and how there isn’t a box to check for that. And the WAHM. And I am one. Wonder why it never occurred to me before this post?
October 17th, 2007 at 10:02 am
It is interesting how when men work from home there is no question that they are in deed working and when women work from home it is often considered a hobby or little side job.
I agree with TracyB and Mandy. It is possbile to get alot more work done at a home office simply because there are no distractions. I had to laugh the other day because my husband stayed home from work because of a cold and he decided to write up a report for work and marveled at how quickly he got it done at home without so many distractions.
October 17th, 2007 at 7:18 pm
I don’t think it has anything to do with moms who have home offices, but rather with mothers who stay home with their children and hate the question “Do you work?” SAHMs seem to be very sensitive to this so the OB/Gyn probably thought they were being gentler phrasing it this way. I think you handled it the right way.
February 1st, 2008 at 8:24 pm
Interesting topic — As a med student on my psych rotation rightnow, let me take a shot at analyzing this….your reaction to such a question seems pervasive, visceral, and even laced with anger! WAHMs must feel marginalized by a society that pits SAHMs against WOHMs — where do you fit in? I think it probably speaks more to how society treats you as a WAHM than how your OB/GYN wants to classify you.
Seriously, they teach us this question as a polite way to ask men and women about their occupation without implying that the work they do at home (and don’t get paid for in a salary) is unimportant.
A better question perhaps would be…”How do you spend your days?”