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I wrote here once before about my envy for single moms, who can, from time to time, get a break from being a mom and experience things like a kids-free weekend. That does sound nice but let me tell you this: My husband has been away for 24 hours and I think single working moms are heroes.
Let me start by saying that while I nag endlessly, my husband is probably towards the helpful side of the helpful/unhelpful scale. He drops off our daughter at school a few times a week, cleans up the kitchen after I cook, goes grocery shopping (with a detailed list from me and not always getting the right thing, but he is there, at the store, doing it), take out the garbage, unloads the dishwasher, and does a bunch of other helpful stuff around the house. He is ultra-involved in raising our kiddo and has even been trying to learn how to do her hair in the morning (we let him, and then I re-do it).
It’s now almost 11pm and my day as a mom without a somewhat helpful husband has kicked my butt. I worked, I ran to the store, I picked up my daughter, I ran to the post office, I cooked, I played with her, read to her, gave her a bath, cleaned up the kitchen, got lunch ready for tomorrow, worked, took out the garbage, worked, unloaded and loaded the dishwasher, worked, cleaned up the downstairs, worked and cleaned out the fridge. Oh, and I sucked down 10000% of recommended daily dose of vitamin C because I am most definitely on the verge of getting sick.
By the end of most days I am spent. But this day truly kicked my butt and I know that my husband not being here to help out, even in small ways, is one of the reasons. (After he reads this, I can’t even imagine how much he will gloat when he gets home.) And as I collapsed on the couch to do some more work, I thought about the single working moms who do this every day and do more than this on most days. (I thought my daughter was getting sick this morning and was beginning to panic, if only slightly, because without a backup plan, I’d have to cancel the four can’t miss calls I had scheduled.)
So single moms, if you’re reading this, I think you rock.
That, or I am a complete wuss, and you can tell me that in the comments.
This entry was posted on Wednesday, February 20th, 2008 at 10:52 pm and is filed under Work/Life Balance, Your life.
Tags: Family, single moms, stress, working moms
February 21st, 2008 at 12:46 am
Thanks for the kudos from this single mom, but I have to tell you, this is one of the few things that single moms absolutely abhor hearing. It’s a long story as to why, but the gist is that you know your spouse (adorable as he is) is coming back soon, and that things will get back to normal. You know it’s hard to be a single mom for a day or two, or maybe a week, but you don’t know what it means to do it day in and day out for years and years.
Additionally, most single parents I know cut way back on their expectations about the household chores. Most single parents don’t do laundry on a daily basis, take shortcuts in the kitchen, don’t clean daily, etc. They probably work a full time job, pick up the kids, dole out the evening meal that might have been cooked in a crock pot or delivered by the pizza guy, put the kids to bed, and then collapse themselves. They tend to clean one day on the weekend, and they might not do the greatest job about it,
Most single parents expect their kids to start helping out at a very early age. They have their kids help fold laundry, or move the clothes from the washer to the dryer. They put their kids up on chairs and have them ‘wash’ the dishes. They help empty the dishwasher. My kids have been doing household chores since they could walk. They might not do the best job, but they do it because single parents CANNOT do it all. They know they can’t, and they stop trying.
Which is why it’s unfair to compare your day of single parenting to the life of a single parents. It’s just apples to oranges. If you had to do this every freaking day for the rest of your child’s life, you would make changes very quickly because it’s too darn hard otherwise.
February 21st, 2008 at 11:42 am
I know there would be a lot of loose ends in this house if my husband wasn’t here. I’m not a single mom so I can’t pretend to know what you gals go through but I do know that it’s nice to have someone walk a mile in your shoes on occasion and then give you credit for what you do based on what they experienced.
Nataly, I love that you appreciate your husband. I also love that you are open here with all of us so that we can see you, and your family, in a ‘normal’ light. You show there are many aspects to being a working mom who works damn hard. And I’m not just saying that so I can have this brown stuff on my nose, really.
Work it, Mom! *finger snap and hip thrust*
February 21st, 2008 at 12:31 pm
I’ll take my superhero cape in Caribbean blue, please.
No, seriously. As a working single mother, I appreciate when others recognize how hard what I do is. I get the “I just don’t know how you do it all without going crazy” comment a lot. Then I ask them to stop reminding me. But I still appreciate it.
February 21st, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Thanks for the kudos.. like Bah.. I’ll take my superwoman cape in Red please
LOL. I hear it all the time even from other friends who are single parents.. How do you do it? Some days I don’t even know but it all gets done before I hit the pillow.
February 21st, 2008 at 6:53 pm
Hey Nataly,
You really rock. Man that is exactly my day in one lump sum. This site is a great way for mothers to vent their frustrations. It’s exjausting but thankfully we get through it. Reading how your day went made me take a long deep breath with you. I know that moment when you getting everthing finished and it’s late 11pm and you crash on the couch. Then you lay down to sleep and it starts over again. It’s alot but I know you can do it, we all can . Just take long deep breath and say “WOO SAA” lol
Thanks for writing that Nataly 
February 21st, 2008 at 10:03 pm
There are definite challenges to being a single adult household but in my mind there are also challenges in a dual adult household. To be honest, I think sharing a house with another adult/significant other is MUCH more difficult than being solo.
But now, Nataly…I want you to do that routine (WITHOUT another adult in the house) for two weeks straight. Then, when you get two days all to yourself, come back and tell us exactly how you spent your kid-free weekend. I’m willing to bet there was a lot less fun and a lot more laundry, housekeeping and errands during that weekend.
I think most couples think that single parents enjoy lots of playtime during their kid-free weekends. The reality is we end up tending to a whole lotta backlogged responsibilities in a very small time frame.
Great post!
February 22nd, 2008 at 11:51 am
There have been times since remarrying that I long for my single motherhood days. Then within the same 24 hours I am so thankful that I have someone to share the burden with.
I was a single working mother for six years after needing to go back to work when my daughter was four weeks old. I never had anyone to complain about that “I gave her a bath last night it is your turn.” or “Do you smell that? could you change her?”. Yet, because I did not have those complaints I also did not have that stress and the arguing.
My stress came from my guilt of leaving my daughter in daycare from 8-5 everyday. The stress of taking a job I hated just to pay the bills. The stress of having to be near parents, who had no boundaries, because I could not make it in LA by myself. I had to rely on others to watch her just so I could clean the house. The best was mowing the lawn in the dark after she went to bed.
Just recently, due to the freezing temps, I have longed for those times when my daughter and I came home at 5:30 or 6 p.m. and ate peanut butter and crackers for dinner. Then we would both take baths and get into bed by 7 p.m., snuggling while she watched Disney and I read or worked on my laptop. I haven’t done that since being married and I really, really miss that.
However, having a spouse has allowed me to go to the grocery store at the last minute without having to drag my daughter along. I can make a haircut appointment after work instead of trying to do it on my lunch hour. In fact, my lunch hours are now used for that, lunch.
I love being married. He cooks, cleans, does laundry, vacuums, takes out the trash, well you name it he does it. I think because we both appreciate what we have now because we didn’t have it before.
That said I wish my husband traveled more so I could have those moments with my daughter all by myself. I miss her even though she sleeps in the room right down the hall.
February 22nd, 2008 at 1:00 pm
Margalit — you make a really great point but that was actually the point I was trying to make — I was only a single working mom for a few days and I was totally spent, no idea how you gals do it all the time:)
Bah and BK — I’ll be ordering those in bright red for you:)
Shelly — thanks:)
Kathy — you know, you’re right, sometimes sharing the house with another adult is really annoying (kind of like having 2 kids at times:)
Kimmy — you almost brought tears to my eyes with what you wrote about your daughter and you coming home and eating peanut butter and crackers for dinner. Last night, my daughter and I were in the kitchen eating cookies right before bed time. Not that my husband wouldn’t have loved to join us if he were home, but there was something pretty awesome about it being just the 2 of us…