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Here I am, writing this post while sitting on the couch next to my husband, during our daughter’s nap time, “relaxing” together and catching up on Project Runway episodes we missed. I have a great excuse for why my laptop is here: If I get a bunch of work done now, I can spend the afternoon with my husband and daughter, playing outside in the snow. But that doesn’t take away from the fact that the laptop is literally between me and my husband right now.
I’m a technology entrepreneur and technology — cell phone, laptop, phone — is a huge part of my daily life. I literally could not do my job if it didn’t exist. My husband is also in tech and his job requires that he work on the computer and carry a Blackberry, which also functions as a phone. Our kitchen counter at times looks like a gadget store, with both of our laptops, phones, and Blackberries laid out on it. Sometimes this makes me laugh, sometimes it makes me want to throw it all away.
But I’d be a total lier if I said that I use technology just for my work. I love to relax by watching TV, I love the Internet for the easy and quick access it gives me to news, research, and useful info like directions or movie listings. I stay organized using my Google calendar. I hate talking on the phone — look out for a future post about my phone-phobia — so email is my primary way of staying in touch with friends and family who don’t live close by. I check my email too often, I read too much tech and business news online, and I could definitely read more books if I didn’t watch Criminal Minds on DVD.
I worry about the role of technology in our family’s life, the way it often turns my relationship with my husband into one that’s side by side vs. interactive. Sitting together and working next to each other is a poor excuse for communicating and being together. Sometimes work has to get done and we don’t have a choice; at other times, I feel that we do it because we’re used to it. Our daughter is three-and-a-half and we’ve not let her play with the computer yet, but I know it’s coming and I know technology will play a bigger role in her life than it has in ours. I worry about keeping her safe online, in the future, but I also worry about technology ruining the quality of personal relationships she might have.
I recently had lunch with a friend of mine who said she is completely overwhelemed with email. She joined Facebook and is now constantly contacted by her friends, colleagues, and people from her past. She has a business email account, a personal one, and one she uses when she buys something online (I call this spam account). As we talked, she seemed genuinely stressed by the amount of time she is spending with her email — it wasn’t making her life as a busy working mom easier, just the opposite. (I suggested that she set certain times a day when she checks it. I did this knowing that I don’t practice what I was preaching.)
Unfortunately I don’t have any brilliant solutions about limiting the negative impact of technology on our lives, but recently we’ve tried to make very a few small changes:
- One night a week is computer-free. This is hardest for me, since I work 3-4 hours every night after my daughter is asleep, but I am trying to not break this rule.
- Have a few meals a week when TV is not involved. Our daughter eats earlier with me or the sitter, and my husband and I have dinner around 8-9pm, usually watching a show together because neither of us has energy to actually have a conversation. But a few times a week we actually sit down for dinner, or like earlier today, for a quick lunch as a family.
- No computer or Blackberry or cell phone in the bedroom. I used to bring my laptop into bed with me at night, to finish a bit of work, but no more. Bedroom is tech-free zone.
- I am working hard on not being an email addict and not checking it all the time. (And I mean, ALL THE TIME.) My first rule is to not keep my email window open when I work on the computer. Yes, this sounds like a very easy thing to do but trust me when I tell you otherwise.
What about you — do you worry about the negative impact of technology on your and your family’s life? What limits do you set or what special rules do you have in our house for computer, TV, or phone use?
This entry was posted on Saturday, February 23rd, 2008 at 2:53 pm and is filed under Work/Life Balance, Your life.
Tags: Blackberry, cell phone, family time, technology, television, TV
February 23rd, 2008 at 5:35 pm
I think the tech-free bedroom is a great idea, Nataly. I’ve always refused to have a TV in mine, and since I got my laptop (which I mostly use in the living/dining room), my old desktop computer has been moved out of there and packed up.
I will look forward to your post about your phone-phobia, because I’m always glad to know someone besides me suffers from it!
February 24th, 2008 at 7:42 pm
My husband threatened to remove all computers from the house - so clearly we need to implement some of your ideas.
February 24th, 2008 at 8:47 pm
The only thing allowed in our bedroom is the stereo. No TV, no phone, nuttin’.
I also have a phone phobia. HATE phone meetings. I’ve never liked chatting with anyone on the phone. I’m lucky in that my job rarely requires me to talk to people. I just don’t like the phone.
My email is always open. I’m afraid to miss out on a job. People probably freak (or think I’m a freak) b/c I tend to answer email ASAP unless it is somewhat frivolous. Or I’m so busy answering other emails that I forget to get back to that one. I run 2 computers myself every day, sometimes 3 and when DH works from home there are usually 4 going. We do this to maximize our time and efficiency.
And my hubby joked the other day that he was going to join and online board I check in with (it’s Celtics related) just so we could have a conversation through our computers while sitting next to each other on the couch.
I could go on and on here…my world revolves around technology. I couldn’t do my work without it, whether from home or a studio elsewhere. It’s crucial, essential, and thankfully a write off!! Seriously, there are times I want to cut back but…my name is Mandy and I’m addicted to my internet connection.
February 24th, 2008 at 9:03 pm
I have a phone phobia, too, but it’s because of my hearing impairment. I use phones that are hearing aid accessible, but if the phone on the other end is bad, the whole conversation is difficult. Add to that the fact that emails give me a written record of a conversation (useful in my job), and I’ll take email over phone whenever I get the chance.
February 24th, 2008 at 9:06 pm
You’ve made some great observations here, Nataly. I’m not to the point that I worry about all the technology yet. Mainly that’s because we’re not big cell phone/regular phone talkers and we (gasp!) don’t even have a TV. I do have a few concerns though. They are:
1: The quantity of email received is indeed becoming excessive. I have cut way back on the time I spend on emails. Eg. Amusing emails from friends are mostly deleted without being opened these days.
2: I feel I can’t keep up with the latest technology. Starting to wish I had a teenager in the house who could be bribed to explain it all to me and fix anything that goes on the blink.
3: My husband and I are (like you guys and your husbands) spending less and less quality time together in the evenings as now we have a child we tend to spend evenings catching up on work on our computers in our separate work spaces.
I do love, love, love the Internet. I’m forever in love with Web and email because they enable me to work from home. I’m similarly in love with my laptop. It really is my right hand, because (not having a TV) I use it to watch dvds as well. It’s getting pretty old though, so I’m starting to have evil fantasies about it dying so I am forced to get a new one!
February 24th, 2008 at 10:26 pm
ha! i think we may have to have a support group soon with all of us who avoid the phone! i often think if it weren’t for email, i would no longer be in touch with a few of my very best friends who do not live near me! oh who am i kidding? even those that DO live near me! i pretty much try to limit all of my contact to email/IM/in person - avoid the phone!
that said - i love technology and i can’t get enough of it! the only real rule we have is to try not to be on the laptops when the boy is up and around as that is ‘family time’ since we both work outside the home. This means weekends are relatively technology (computer) free! though i am guilty of checking my phone (windows mobile!) for email
February 25th, 2008 at 4:59 pm
Truth be told, I would be happy to go back to the pre-computer days, if I could also run a company doing things I love. Ironic, given that my professional life completely centers on the bleeding edge of the consumer internet. I just don’t like looking at screens, unless they are keeping out mosquitos.
February 25th, 2008 at 11:43 pm
Hi, I’m Amy and I’m a phone-phobe too!
I’m so glad you posted about this because technology is definitely overwhelming our family. Not only do I have to worry about TV time with my kids, but now we’ve got computer, Wii and Game Boy time to contend with (and we have girls!). I’m pretty sure my fingers have become permanently fused to my laptop. My new mantra around my house is “NO MORE STARING AT SCREENS!!!” I’ve been cooking up some definitive limits to all of this technology so that we interact with each other instead of zoning out in front of a screen.
February 26th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
OMG, I am so excited about fellow phone phobes. A post coming on this, I promise. This whole time I thought I was alone!
February 28th, 2008 at 9:32 pm
Another phone-phobe checking in. I am SO glad we have caller ID because then I can let some calls go to voice mail and then email saying, “I’m sorry I missed your call, but yes, we would like to have dinner on Friday.”
As far as technology - my husband and I have one daughter so far and we are eager for more children. We are also both very certain that we don’t want “us” time to disappear because we have children - a marriage ending in divorce won’t help our kids at all. So since we got married, we have not owned a tv. None. We have one computer and both make a point to put it down for conversation instead of typing and talking. And although I’m on mat leave now, even when I was working in a tech job and carried a BlackBerry and laptop we ate dinner together in the evenings and there was no technology involved. And people always comment on our closenes and how well we know each other - I think all the talking has a lot to do with it!
So that’s a LONG comment, sorry! But to me, there isn’t anything on this earth more important than strong marital and parent-child relationships and I think each of us needs to find our own ways to prioritze them… in whatever way works for our own families.
March 10th, 2008 at 8:26 am
Actually, I find emails frustrating at times because sometimes things are mis construed or it is written out too fast and there are alot of holes. Or sometimes you write someone and they only answer only one of your questions. Although I feel it is a great tool to keep in touch because it seems it hard to get of hold of someone on the phone including myself. Sometimes it’s just nice to talk to someone over the phone. Like the other day I was dealing with customer service with Norton and they would charge me $9.95 to talk to someone over the phone. Instead I had to chat IM with someone over the phone when you’re dealing with technology I think it would be better to have some over the phone walking you through things and holding your hand. And the same goes with work sometimes IM just doesn’t cut it because my job is technical.
I’m obsessed with the internet too and I it’s good to go away on vacation when I don’t bring any of it with me although I go through withdrawal.
I rarely let the kids do stuff on the computer. Right now, I want their creativity to expand and I think too much computers will stifle it. Although, I’m worried that all the other kids are plugged in that there will be no one to interact with!
My 2 cents.
Rosa
August 4th, 2008 at 12:08 am
[...] check new messages as soon as they come in, replying to many that don’t need an ASAP reply. I’ve tried simply limiting the number of times I check email and just closing my email programs, but that didn’t go far enough. So this week I am turning [...]