Comments on: Breadwinner moms — do you have breadwinner resentment? http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/03/19/breadwinner-moms-do-you-have-breadwinner-resentment/ Thoughts and commentary on the daily juggle betweek work and family Sat, 22 Nov 2008 21:38:43 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5.1 By: lucy http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/03/19/breadwinner-moms-do-you-have-breadwinner-resentment/#comment-20248 lucy Thu, 21 Aug 2008 02:00:43 +0000 http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/03/19/breadwinner-moms-do-you-have-breadwinner-resentment/#comment-20248 All the women I know that make more money than the husband are angry and resentful. I wanted to find out if this is a pattern. All the women I know that make more money than the husband are angry and resentful. I wanted to find out if this is a pattern.

]]> By: Stay-at-home women who are not moms — do you respect them? - Work It, Mom! Blog - Work It, Mom! http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/03/19/breadwinner-moms-do-you-have-breadwinner-resentment/#comment-19700 Stay-at-home women who are not moms — do you respect them? - Work It, Mom! Blog - Work It, Mom! Fri, 08 Aug 2008 00:54:24 +0000 http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/03/19/breadwinner-moms-do-you-have-breadwinner-resentment/#comment-19700 [...] and other family there for a while, and increase my collection of I-rock-these recipes. Being the primary breadwinner, that was never an option, but if I could have it, would I take it? Maybe, and I’d hate for [...] [...] and other family there for a while, and increase my collection of I-rock-these recipes. Being the primary breadwinner, that was never an option, but if I could have it, would I take it? Maybe, and I’d hate for [...]

]]> By: Amanda http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/03/19/breadwinner-moms-do-you-have-breadwinner-resentment/#comment-18785 Amanda Fri, 18 Jul 2008 04:54:28 +0000 http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/03/19/breadwinner-moms-do-you-have-breadwinner-resentment/#comment-18785 I am a young (22) mother of two (2.5 and 6 months). I work part time and go to school full time. I still make more than my husband does working full time. I'm resentful for sure. We also keep separate bank accounts because he always overdrafts and pays absolutely no attention to money- never knows how much he has or what he's spent- so its a safety precaution to keep them separate. I wish he would pay some of the bills though so that I didn't feel like a single mom of three. - At my wits end I am a young (22) mother of two (2.5 and 6 months). I work part time and go to school full time. I still make more than my husband does working full time. I’m resentful for sure. We also keep separate bank accounts because he always overdrafts and pays absolutely no attention to money- never knows how much he has or what he’s spent- so its a safety precaution to keep them separate. I wish he would pay some of the bills though so that I didn’t feel like a single mom of three. - At my wits end

]]> By: Lying about purchases to your spouse? I don’t get it. - Work It, Mom! Blog - Work It, Mom! http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/03/19/breadwinner-moms-do-you-have-breadwinner-resentment/#comment-18233 Lying about purchases to your spouse? I don’t get it. - Work It, Mom! Blog - Work It, Mom! Tue, 01 Jul 2008 16:37:47 +0000 http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/03/19/breadwinner-moms-do-you-have-breadwinner-resentment/#comment-18233 [...] am always really interested in studies and surveys about relationships and money. I don’t know why, perhaps it’s the voyeurist in me — getting a chance to peak [...] [...] am always really interested in studies and surveys about relationships and money. I don’t know why, perhaps it’s the voyeurist in me — getting a chance to peak [...]

]]> By: Breadwinner moms, listen up! - Work It, Mom! Blog - Work It, Mom! http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/03/19/breadwinner-moms-do-you-have-breadwinner-resentment/#comment-17862 Breadwinner moms, listen up! - Work It, Mom! Blog - Work It, Mom! Fri, 20 Jun 2008 14:08:22 +0000 http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/03/19/breadwinner-moms-do-you-have-breadwinner-resentment/#comment-17862 [...] salary. As I’ve written before, while I am proud to have been able to support our family I’ve often felt resentment at having so much pressure and my husband and I have had more than one “heated [...] [...] salary. As I’ve written before, while I am proud to have been able to support our family I’ve often felt resentment at having so much pressure and my husband and I have had more than one “heated [...]

]]> By: Jennifer TW http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/03/19/breadwinner-moms-do-you-have-breadwinner-resentment/#comment-13687 Jennifer TW Fri, 11 Apr 2008 05:04:04 +0000 http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/03/19/breadwinner-moms-do-you-have-breadwinner-resentment/#comment-13687 So great to see this question being asked! For a LONG time, I was VERY resentful. Not just of my husband but of every other career woman I know who was able to stop working or work a barely-part-time job because their husband brought in enough dough. I don't love my job (most days I actually hate it), but I'm in the lucky position that I make too much money to stop working... I work from home several days a week... and have lots of flexibility. Then one day it dawned on me how lucky I am to have such an awesome situation--no financial worries, a husband who is totally involved iwth his kids AND helps around the house, quality time with my kids (and family dinner at least 5 nights a week). So I finally feel like I'm free of my resentment baggage. Now all I need to do is find a job with the same benefits that I don't hate ;) In regards to power and money... We share all our $$$. No one has their own -or- hidden bank accounts... as far as I know ;) This has been how we've operated since our wedding day. But I'm lucky that my husband is not a big spender, so it's never been an issue. I actually wish he's spend more... and pass up the clearance rack at Old navy for a change. I never thought about the power question before... while we have LOTS of our own problems in our marriage that we're always working on, we are a yin-yang fit. I made most of the decisions and he seems to like it that way. I learned my lesson. My hubby and I enjoy traveling. Once, after being annoyed that I had to plan every vacation and do all the legwork, I said "I quit! You can plan the next vacation!" After a week at his parents house in rural NY with a day trip to Niagara Falls, I surrendered ;) You can be sure that I'm planning all vacations from now on. I try to remind myself every day that "The grass is always greener, but it's jsut as hard to cut." I lost most of my resentment after a long conversation with a friend of mine who was a successful career woman (a TV reporter & anchor in NYC), who now stays home full time. She was saying how her days are spent cleaning, cooking, breaking up fights, and exhausted. It clicked for me that since I don't have to do most of that... I can truly enjoy my time with my boys (3 1/2 and 1). So here's my question to all of you... and I hope you'll start a poll/forum on this... what is the BEST and most manageable number of kids for working moms??? So great to see this question being asked! For a LONG time, I was VERY resentful. Not just of my husband but of every other career woman I know who was able to stop working or work a barely-part-time job because their husband brought in enough dough. I don’t love my job (most days I actually hate it), but I’m in the lucky position that I make too much money to stop working… I work from home several days a week… and have lots of flexibility. Then one day it dawned on me how lucky I am to have such an awesome situation–no financial worries, a husband who is totally involved iwth his kids AND helps around the house, quality time with my kids (and family dinner at least 5 nights a week). So I finally feel like I’m free of my resentment baggage. Now all I need to do is find a job with the same benefits that I don’t hate ;)
In regards to power and money…
We share all our $$$. No one has their own -or- hidden bank accounts… as far as I know ;) This has been how we’ve operated since our wedding day. But I’m lucky that my husband is not a big spender, so it’s never been an issue. I actually wish he’s spend more… and pass up the clearance rack at Old navy for a change. I never thought about the power question before… while we have LOTS of our own problems in our marriage that we’re always working on, we are a yin-yang fit. I made most of the decisions and he seems to like it that way. I learned my lesson. My hubby and I enjoy traveling. Once, after being annoyed that I had to plan every vacation and do all the legwork, I said “I quit! You can plan the next vacation!” After a week at his parents house in rural NY with a day trip to Niagara Falls, I surrendered ;) You can be sure that I’m planning all vacations from now on.
I try to remind myself every day that “The grass is always greener, but it’s jsut as hard to cut.” I lost most of my resentment after a long conversation with a friend of mine who was a successful career woman (a TV reporter & anchor in NYC), who now stays home full time. She was saying how her days are spent cleaning, cooking, breaking up fights, and exhausted. It clicked for me that since I don’t have to do most of that… I can truly enjoy my time with my boys (3 1/2 and 1).

So here’s my question to all of you… and I hope you’ll start a poll/forum on this… what is the BEST and most manageable number of kids for working moms???

]]> By: red lotus mama http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/03/19/breadwinner-moms-do-you-have-breadwinner-resentment/#comment-12377 red lotus mama Tue, 25 Mar 2008 21:36:27 +0000 http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/03/19/breadwinner-moms-do-you-have-breadwinner-resentment/#comment-12377 This is a very important and often overlooked topic. I have always been the breadwinner of my family. My husband is a painting contractor, so work is inconsistent. The majority of the time I bring in the larger income consistently. I provide the family with medical benefits. I pay our core bills while my husband's income covers the rest. It is a huge challenge for me because I never expected to play this role. There are many days I do resent our situation. But, I am very proud that I am able to provide for my family, that my college education didn't go to waste, that I have something I can call my own, that I don't have to depend on my husband for anything. This is a very important and often overlooked topic. I have always been the breadwinner of my family. My husband is a painting contractor, so work is inconsistent. The majority of the time I bring in the larger income consistently. I provide the family with medical benefits. I pay our core bills while my husband’s income covers the rest. It is a huge challenge for me because I never expected to play this role. There are many days I do resent our situation. But, I am very proud that I am able to provide for my family, that my college education didn’t go to waste, that I have something I can call my own, that I don’t have to depend on my husband for anything.

]]> By: Ju I Pile http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/03/19/breadwinner-moms-do-you-have-breadwinner-resentment/#comment-12200 Ju I Pile Sun, 23 Mar 2008 21:34:05 +0000 http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/03/19/breadwinner-moms-do-you-have-breadwinner-resentment/#comment-12200 I have been on both sides of this fence. My husband was the breadwinner for 5-6 years. Then, I got a grandio promotion and boom, I was making more than him! We do it like this: Split the bills so that each of us have the same "spending money" each month. It works no matter who is making more. And, when one gets an increase, both get to enjoy. I have been on both sides of this fence. My husband was the breadwinner for 5-6 years. Then, I got a grandio promotion and boom, I was making more than him! We do it like this: Split the bills so that each of us have the same “spending money” each month. It works no matter who is making more. And, when one gets an increase, both get to enjoy.

]]> By: jodi http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/03/19/breadwinner-moms-do-you-have-breadwinner-resentment/#comment-11995 jodi Fri, 21 Mar 2008 00:15:37 +0000 http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/03/19/breadwinner-moms-do-you-have-breadwinner-resentment/#comment-11995 I have been the primary breadwinner for all of our married life together. It didn't start out that way...and things happened along the way to get us where we are today...which is in therapy. I do have a lot of resentment about this. More than I realized. The thing is, I love my job. I love the opportunities that it provides me. I love the satisfaction of doing well. I don't want to stay home with my kids (both are in school now...) but what I do want is to feel that the roles we (husband and I) have are more equal. The place that we are in our lives/marriage is not where I imagined we would be. I know that life doesn't ever go as planned...and the therapy is helping me get through it. I am not ashamed that I am the primary breadwinner. I am not ashamed that it bothers me, either. Good topic... I have been the primary breadwinner for all of our married life together. It didn’t start out that way…and things happened along the way to get us where we are today…which is in therapy. I do have a lot of resentment about this. More than I realized. The thing is, I love my job. I love the opportunities that it provides me. I love the satisfaction of doing well. I don’t want to stay home with my kids (both are in school now…) but what I do want is to feel that the roles we (husband and I) have are more equal.
The place that we are in our lives/marriage is not where I imagined we would be. I know that life doesn’t ever go as planned…and the therapy is helping me get through it.
I am not ashamed that I am the primary breadwinner. I am not ashamed that it bothers me, either.
Good topic…

]]> By: Valerie http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/03/19/breadwinner-moms-do-you-have-breadwinner-resentment/#comment-11977 Valerie Thu, 20 Mar 2008 18:55:09 +0000 http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/03/19/breadwinner-moms-do-you-have-breadwinner-resentment/#comment-11977 Do you ever feel resentment for being the primary breadwinner? --Never. I am proud. But I also work 40 hours a week, and don't feel that my career is all that demanding. Do you agree with any of the stats from the survey — for example, about the power split in the relationship? --I feel the power should be split about 50/50, or whatever works for your relationship. Do you have separate bank accounts or pool your money with your partner? --We have separate checking accounts (they are actually joint in name only, in case of death), and a joint savings account, but I am the only one that ever puts money into savings. Do you ever feel resentment for being the primary breadwinner?
–Never. I am proud. But I also work 40 hours a week, and don’t feel that my career is all that demanding.
Do you agree with any of the stats from the survey — for example, about the power split in the relationship?
–I feel the power should be split about 50/50, or whatever works for your relationship.
Do you have separate bank accounts or pool your money with your partner?
–We have separate checking accounts (they are actually joint in name only, in case of death), and a joint savings account, but I am the only one that ever puts money into savings.

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