A friend of mine recently got a pathetically low raise at work after having a spectacular year there. Sure, the economy is in bad shape, but her company did great and she contributed to the performance. She’s been there a few years and she knows for a fact that two of her colleagues — both men — received higher raises for similar performance. When she told me, I immediately said that she has to talk to her boss and negotiate for a better package. “Be confident in your work and your abilities, and go in there knowing that what you’re asking for is right,” I said, in my most convincing voice.

I stand behind my advice, but I’d be lying if I pretended that I’ve always followed it in my career. In truth, when I read articles about things women do at work that make it more difficult for them to earn more money or attain leadership roles, I nod not only because I’ve seen this type of behavior but also because I’ve been guilty of it. And I thought this would be as good a time as any to come clean about (at least) three stereotypes about women at work that I helped prove right:

Women don’t negotiate as well or often as men.

At one of my jobs I worked for more than a year knowing that two of my colleagues with similar levels of experience and responsibility were making more money. I knew that I should go in and negotiate for a raise to my base or a higher bonus. I knew that I deserved it. But I also knew that my boss would resist it and I didn’t want to get into an unpleasant confrontation. It’s an absolutely pathetic reason to not ask for something I deserved, but I justified it by telling myself that I was making good money anyway.

Many studies have shown that women don’t negotiate enough. But knowing that I am not alone in not doing it doesn’t make it OK.

Women tend to take things personally.

When I worked in consulting, our team delivered a final report to an important client. They hated it and weren’t shy about letting us know. It was truly ugly. After the meeting I was really shaken and my mind was going in circles trying to figure out what I might have done wrong. Then two of my male teammates came up to me and asked if I wanted to go out to dinner. When I suggested that I was too stressed out they were surprised — it’s just work, they said, don’t take it personally.

This is just one incident, but it’s by far, not the only one. In fact, not taking work things personally is something I’m horrible at and really need to work on.

Women often position their opinion as a question vs. a firm statement.

For years, when I wanted to make a suggestion in a work meeting I’d say something like: “Don’t you think we should…?” or “What about…?” My male colleagues rarely did this — they would just state their opinion as fact.

Then one day I was in a meeting with a very sharp woman CEO and a bunch of her reports and realized that she did the same thing as me. It made her appear less confident and less like a leader than I knew she was and this made an impact. I decided that day to be more assertive in the way I stated my opinion.

As women, we have to deal with a lot of crap (excuse my less-than-eloquent expression) to succeed in the workplace. But I know from my own career that many of the barriers we face we put in our own way. Have you been guilty of any of these or other behaviors at work? C’mon — let’s all confess and learn from each other!