I have a 1 year old now, and we eat as a family every night. We have one of those hook to the table high chairs so my son can be part of the family dinner too! I know it can seem hard to find enough time to sit down together, but as families grow up, school activities, teenage jobs, friends, etc. will make it even harder.

Doesn’t it make sense to set a precident now, so that it will be easy to follow later when things are even more hectic?

I’m a psychologist specializing in kids and families, and I DO feel very, very strongly about the family dinner, for reasons Nataly mentioned above. There is a lot of research that suggests that kids whose families sit down for a communal dinner most nights of the week do better in many areas of functioning, and for me personally, that’s huge. The other thing I happen to feel very strongly about is extremely early bedtimes for young children, i.e. the philosophy of certain pediatric sleep experts who espouse 6-7 p.m. bedtimes. (It works wonders for my girls.)

So, for the past few years (my oldest is 3-1/2, my second is 1-1/2), our family has sat down to eat dinner–together–at 5 p.m. The baby goes to bed at 6 p.m. The toddler goes to bed at 7 p.m. Yes, it’s tough. It’s a total rat-race to get cooking, dinner, bath, and bedtime done in that short a time (worse when the baby was still nursing at bedtime–there was that to fit in, too!). But we did it–every single night.

True, we are able to do it because my husband is lucky enough to have a 10 minute commute; I am home full-time during the days to cook; and my husband and I are both willing to adjust our own preferences (like for dinner at 7, not 5!) to be in line with what our children need at this young age. We do it because family dinner is a top priority for us. And we also assume we won’t have to squeeze it in at 5 p.m. forever; later on, the girls will go to bed later, giving us more flexibility in terms of how late my husband (or I) can work, who does the cooking, what time we eat, etc.

I feel fortunate that we’ve made family dinner work so far. I think it’s good for kids, but it’s one of those issues that is different for every family, and therefore there is no one right way to “do” dinner. Also, it wouldn’t have to be dinner; why not family breakfast instead, if evenings are too crazy? (I know, mornings are crazy too!)

Good luck!

DS recently learned about making toasts and we toast together before eating. Last night he toasted me for making dinner We find this dinner time to be very special - we catch up on our day, and find that we eat healthier. DS is more likely to try new foods if we are eating them too!

I realize this does not work for everyone, and there are days when I just want to throw on pjs when I walk in the door. But honestly, I put in the effort for the bonding. An added bonus is that while DH puts DS to bed, I clean the kitchen and by 7:30 there is time to truly sit and relax!!

I’ll confess I also let my kids eat dinner in front of the TV. We do it, so I feel lilke I can’t forbid them from going it (at least not with a straight face) - and again, I did it as kid.

I do try to have a weekly dinner where we do sit down together. Some weeks it happens and some weeks it doesn’t. And then there are nights like last night when it was so nice outside we sat together and ate outside. We also go out to eat together, usually about once a week, so that’s a good opportunity too.

I think family dinners are only ONE way to develop closeness and communication in a family. And I think it gets easier to do it as the kids get older - in part because they will be more interested in eating what we’re eating. But I think we are close family even absent the family dinners. I think the guilt on this one comes from all the media on that research. Families are not one size fits all.

I really relate to what you say about too tired to have a conversation. Sometimes my husband is talking when we’re at the dinner table and I’m sort of spacing, quite honestly, because my brain needs a break.

Finally, that statistic about families eating together always irritates me. I can only imagine how many working moms have been made to feel guilty when they hear it. (Do you think men are out there agonizing about this stuff? Um, like, none…)

It is such a relief to hear your experience and struggles with it - thank-you for sharing.