Comments on: Is my neatness ruining my daughter’s creativity? http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/04/23/is-my-neatness-ruining-my-daughters-creativity/ Thoughts and commentary on the daily juggle betweek work and family Wed, 15 Oct 2008 21:09:08 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5.1 By: MaryP http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/04/23/is-my-neatness-ruining-my-daughters-creativity/#comment-14594 MaryP Thu, 24 Apr 2008 11:18:47 +0000 http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/04/23/is-my-neatness-ruining-my-daughters-creativity/#comment-14594 Jan said it best. Jan said it best.

]]> By: Jane http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/04/23/is-my-neatness-ruining-my-daughters-creativity/#comment-14573 Jane Thu, 24 Apr 2008 03:20:59 +0000 http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/04/23/is-my-neatness-ruining-my-daughters-creativity/#comment-14573 Diane, Take it from someone who has been there and done that, you seriously need to let that child run in the mud and simply hose her down afterward. IMHO, your neatfreakness is gonna come back to bite you when she gets older. Add to the fact, you're gonna run the risk, if you haven't done so already, of getting a MAJOR reputation among the other moms AND then the kids later on. The one thing I've learned is that there things that are WAY more important in life to worry about than if the kid gets dirty. That's why the good Lord made showers and washing machines. LOL Diane,
Take it from someone who has been there and done that, you seriously need to let that child run in the mud and simply hose her down afterward. IMHO, your neatfreakness is gonna come back to bite you when she gets older. Add to the fact, you’re gonna run the risk, if you haven’t done so already, of getting a MAJOR reputation among the other moms AND then the kids later on.

The one thing I’ve learned is that there things that are WAY more important in life to worry about than if the kid gets dirty.

That’s why the good Lord made showers and washing machines. LOL

]]> By: Nataly http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/04/23/is-my-neatness-ruining-my-daughters-creativity/#comment-14570 Nataly Thu, 24 Apr 2008 02:16:41 +0000 http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/04/23/is-my-neatness-ruining-my-daughters-creativity/#comment-14570 1. Going to buy a really big chill pill:) 2. So glad to hear I am not the only one 3. Thank you for the honesty! 1. Going to buy a really big chill pill:)
2. So glad to hear I am not the only one
3. Thank you for the honesty!

]]> By: Diane http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/04/23/is-my-neatness-ruining-my-daughters-creativity/#comment-14569 Diane Thu, 24 Apr 2008 02:12:14 +0000 http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/04/23/is-my-neatness-ruining-my-daughters-creativity/#comment-14569 Oh man. I can so relate, although in a slightly different way. In my case, I stifle my daughter's creativity not because I want to improve/neaten her work but because I can't stand messy kids' crafts. I mean: ARGH. I just hate messy paints etc, even washable ones. Yes, I need to become less uptight. I know it. I am working on it. In any case, I have two recent examples to share that will show you what I mean. Example 1: A mom in my local moms group held a onesie tie-dyeing party a couple weeks ago. Lots of friends went. There was food and drink. Great concept. But I chickened out 'cause I couldn't face the thought of kids and dyes together. Example 2: Last week it was my turn to volunteer at the moms morning out program Meegan attends each Tuesday. The craft that day was finger painting. It was washable paint. But I just let her miss her turn with the paints. Hey, she's only 18 mths and she didn't realize she'd been short-changed, but still...I felt guilty that she didn't get the chance to make some mess. I know, I know, I will have to loosen up when she is older! Oh man. I can so relate, although in a slightly different way. In my case, I stifle my daughter’s creativity not because I want to improve/neaten her work but because I can’t stand messy kids’ crafts. I mean: ARGH. I just hate messy paints etc, even washable ones. Yes, I need to become less uptight. I know it. I am working on it.

In any case, I have two recent examples to share that will show you what I mean. Example 1: A mom in my local moms group held a onesie tie-dyeing party a couple weeks ago. Lots of friends went. There was food and drink. Great concept. But I chickened out ’cause I couldn’t face the thought of kids and dyes together. Example 2: Last week it was my turn to volunteer at the moms morning out program Meegan attends each Tuesday. The craft that day was finger painting. It was washable paint. But I just let her miss her turn with the paints. Hey, she’s only 18 mths and she didn’t realize she’d been short-changed, but still…I felt guilty that she didn’t get the chance to make some mess. I know, I know, I will have to loosen up when she is older!

]]> By: Jane http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/04/23/is-my-neatness-ruining-my-daughters-creativity/#comment-14559 Jane Wed, 23 Apr 2008 23:52:36 +0000 http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/04/23/is-my-neatness-ruining-my-daughters-creativity/#comment-14559 Jen, My mother was the same way - almost a neat freak. She was the epitome of "you can eat off the kitchen floor." I'm not anywhere near that. I've got 2 dogs and 3 cats that come in and out, ergo I have enough dustbunnies to make an entire animal with. We've been in our house for 4 years now and not everything's put up. When my mom was alive and I knew they were coming for a visit, I would clean house at break neck speed because there's a difference in my clean and "mother clean." I never felt like I could live up to her standards. I guess that's why (tho I bitch about it) I allow the biohazard room exist. The ironic thing with daughter and the room is this: She spent 3 1/2 years in the Navy League Sea Cadets and stated that when she makes her bed at band camps, she wants them to be "military made." She can do it and perfers it. At least she learned something, tho she'd NEVER admit it. :-D Jen,
My mother was the same way - almost a neat freak. She was the epitome of “you can eat off the kitchen floor.” I’m not anywhere near that. I’ve got 2 dogs and 3 cats that come in and out, ergo I have enough dustbunnies to make an entire animal with. We’ve been in our house for 4 years now and not everything’s put up. When my mom was alive and I knew they were coming for a visit, I would clean house at break neck speed because there’s a difference in my clean and “mother clean.” I never felt like I could live up to her standards. I guess that’s why (tho I bitch about it) I allow the biohazard room exist.

The ironic thing with daughter and the room is this: She spent 3 1/2 years in the Navy League Sea Cadets and stated that when she makes her bed at band camps, she wants them to be “military made.” She can do it and perfers it. At least she learned something, tho she’d NEVER admit it. :-D

]]> By: Elizabeth Potts Weinstein http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/04/23/is-my-neatness-ruining-my-daughters-creativity/#comment-14548 Elizabeth Potts Weinstein Wed, 23 Apr 2008 21:32:33 +0000 http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/04/23/is-my-neatness-ruining-my-daughters-creativity/#comment-14548 Because I have a HIGHLY opinionated and independent 3-year old, here's what I do: I ask her if she wants help. If she wants help, then I'll write words, make things straight, clean up the messy parts. But if not, then it's 100% Grace. She has every right to deny help - especially for a fun art project! :) Because I have a HIGHLY opinionated and independent 3-year old, here’s what I do:

I ask her if she wants help.

If she wants help, then I’ll write words, make things straight, clean up the messy parts.

But if not, then it’s 100% Grace. She has every right to deny help - especially for a fun art project! :)

]]> By: Jan http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/04/23/is-my-neatness-ruining-my-daughters-creativity/#comment-14540 Jan Wed, 23 Apr 2008 18:33:06 +0000 http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/04/23/is-my-neatness-ruining-my-daughters-creativity/#comment-14540 My mom did this to me the entire time I was growing up and while we have a good relationship, I still, at 38, prefer not to show her things I've 'accomplished'. When I do something creative, hand-made or that's a stretch in which I feel a sense of pride, I can almost ALWAYS look at it and think what flaw my mom would probably notice. So my vote is to let her do it. Maybe she wants help -- why not communicate your availability instead of taking over and 'fixing' things? I'm proud of the fact that right at this very moment, the fitted sheet on my daughter's new big-big (twin, not toddler :) ) bed is on inside out. Because she put it on all by herself and she was so proud when she showed me and no way was I going to take the wind out of her sails by re-doing it 'right'. AND my mom, who is babysitting today, is under strict instructions to leave it be. My mom did this to me the entire time I was growing up and while we have a good relationship, I still, at 38, prefer not to show her things I’ve ‘accomplished’. When I do something creative, hand-made or that’s a stretch in which I feel a sense of pride, I can almost ALWAYS look at it and think what flaw my mom would probably notice.

So my vote is to let her do it. Maybe she wants help — why not communicate your availability instead of taking over and ‘fixing’ things?

I’m proud of the fact that right at this very moment, the fitted sheet on my daughter’s new big-big (twin, not toddler :) ) bed is on inside out. Because she put it on all by herself and she was so proud when she showed me and no way was I going to take the wind out of her sails by re-doing it ‘right’.

AND my mom, who is babysitting today, is under strict instructions to leave it be.

]]> By: Jenni http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/04/23/is-my-neatness-ruining-my-daughters-creativity/#comment-14534 Jenni Wed, 23 Apr 2008 16:29:29 +0000 http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/04/23/is-my-neatness-ruining-my-daughters-creativity/#comment-14534 We struggle with this at my house too. And recently we have relented a LOT. My daughter is 8 so it's harder to do things our way without her really understanding that's what you're doing. Plus, letting them do it their own way helps them learn. We used to go to this place at the mall to paint pottery pieces. For a while we were going at least once a week. My daughter (about 5 or 6 at the time) would use as many colors as possible and just mix them all around and then paint over colors with another color. Then about a week later she'd look at it and say, "This isn't very pretty." And then we'd discuss what she could do next time so that she was happier with the outcome. Eventually we also limited her to about 5 colors so that she could still be creative, but we wouldn't be wasting paint. If we had always forced out ways on her, she wouldn't have learned that. She just would've thought everything she did was beautiful. And there comes a point when a child needs to realize that. We struggle with this at my house too. And recently we have relented a LOT. My daughter is 8 so it’s harder to do things our way without her really understanding that’s what you’re doing. Plus, letting them do it their own way helps them learn.

We used to go to this place at the mall to paint pottery pieces. For a while we were going at least once a week. My daughter (about 5 or 6 at the time) would use as many colors as possible and just mix them all around and then paint over colors with another color. Then about a week later she’d look at it and say, “This isn’t very pretty.” And then we’d discuss what she could do next time so that she was happier with the outcome. Eventually we also limited her to about 5 colors so that she could still be creative, but we wouldn’t be wasting paint.

If we had always forced out ways on her, she wouldn’t have learned that. She just would’ve thought everything she did was beautiful. And there comes a point when a child needs to realize that.

]]> By: Sheffy http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/04/23/is-my-neatness-ruining-my-daughters-creativity/#comment-14528 Sheffy Wed, 23 Apr 2008 14:04:57 +0000 http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/04/23/is-my-neatness-ruining-my-daughters-creativity/#comment-14528 I know exactly what you mean. I was a teacher for years and am a mum of two very creative children - one of whom is also a perfectionist and one who certainly is not. Both are artistic. I used to "tidy" things up a bit both at home as a Mum ( I'm a granny now by the way) and as a teacher. I used to do it on the quiet when the paint had dried and the children weren't there but only important changes which would make them feel better about the finish product and they thought they must have done it themselves! But don't be afraid to let them make a mess - they can "help" clean it up afterwards which is good training! I know exactly what you mean. I was a teacher for years and am a mum of two very creative children - one of whom is also a perfectionist and one who certainly is not. Both are artistic. I used to “tidy” things up a bit both at home as a Mum ( I’m a granny now by the way) and as a teacher. I used to do it on the quiet when the paint had dried and the children weren’t there but only important changes which would make them feel better about the finish product and they thought they must have done it themselves!
But don’t be afraid to let them make a mess - they can “help” clean it up afterwards which is good training!

]]> By: Jane http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/04/23/is-my-neatness-ruining-my-daughters-creativity/#comment-14526 Jane Wed, 23 Apr 2008 13:47:08 +0000 http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/04/23/is-my-neatness-ruining-my-daughters-creativity/#comment-14526 I had the same struggle when my daughter was young. And to this day, it still drives me bonkers when I open the door to her bedroom and see clothes 3 feet thick on her floor, dishes and God knows what else in her room. It's all I can do to NOT go in and clean up - I figure she's the one who has to LIVE in this mess. I know that, hygentically, it's NOT good, but as my BFF has repeatedly told me, it WILL get better and this WILL pass. I think we all want our children to do well, to look good, and to be what we think they should be. However, as my BFF told me, at some point, THEY, not us, determine otherwise. My daughter inheirated her paternal grandmother's artistic side and qualities. Therefore, there's a LOT of chaos that somehow manages to arrange itself into beauty. We've been thru the punk phase, the black clothes phase, the Britney Spears hooker phase, and lo and behold - I was informed that she wanted a REAL FLOWY gown for prom this year (course she'll have to hide the nose ring that she just got, but that's another story). The point here is, as hard as it's been, you've got to let them be them. And if it's any consolation, my hubby used to go ballastic when she was small and had just started feeding herself. He wouldn't let her do it cause he didn't want the food going everywhere. My contention was, how's she going to learn if you don't let her do it. So what if it goes everywhere? That's what paper towels and wet wipes are for. Besides, if she got it her hair, you take her upstairs and stick her in the bath and hose her off. My biggest thing right now is learning to let go so that she can learn to drive. She wants SO much freedom but I keep telling her a car can be replaced, but she can't. I know I have to start cutting the apron strings - she's going to college in another 18 months or so after all - but it's hard. It's REALLY hard. And I never realized how hard until now. All I can say is to take a look at WHY you're doing it for her. Is it for her...or for YOU. And believe me, there'll be a day in the not to distant future when she'll look and tell you very emphatically, "No, I want to do this MYSELF." And then you'll have to see it as hers, regardless what whatever way she wants to do it, and regardless of how you want to see it. And you'll have to accept it. I had the same struggle when my daughter was young. And to this day, it still drives me bonkers when I open the door to her bedroom and see clothes 3 feet thick on her floor, dishes and God knows what else in her room. It’s all I can do to NOT go in and clean up - I figure she’s the one who has to LIVE in this mess. I know that, hygentically, it’s NOT good, but as my BFF has repeatedly told me, it WILL get better and this WILL pass.

I think we all want our children to do well, to look good, and to be what we think they should be. However, as my BFF told me, at some point, THEY, not us, determine otherwise.

My daughter inheirated her paternal grandmother’s artistic side and qualities. Therefore, there’s a LOT of chaos that somehow manages to arrange itself into beauty. We’ve been thru the punk phase, the black clothes phase, the Britney Spears hooker phase, and lo and behold - I was informed that she wanted a REAL FLOWY gown for prom this year (course she’ll have to hide the nose ring that she just got, but that’s another story).

The point here is, as hard as it’s been, you’ve got to let them be them. And if it’s any consolation, my hubby used to go ballastic when she was small and had just started feeding herself. He wouldn’t let her do it cause he didn’t want the food going everywhere. My contention was, how’s she going to learn if you don’t let her do it. So what if it goes everywhere? That’s what paper towels and wet wipes are for. Besides, if she got it her hair, you take her upstairs and stick her in the bath and hose her off.

My biggest thing right now is learning to let go so that she can learn to drive. She wants SO much freedom but I keep telling her a car can be replaced, but she can’t. I know I have to start cutting the apron strings - she’s going to college in another 18 months or so after all - but it’s hard. It’s REALLY hard. And I never realized how hard until now.

All I can say is to take a look at WHY you’re doing it for her. Is it for her…or for YOU. And believe me, there’ll be a day in the not to distant future when she’ll look and tell you very emphatically, “No, I want to do this MYSELF.” And then you’ll have to see it as hers, regardless what whatever way she wants to do it, and regardless of how you want to see it. And you’ll have to accept it.

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