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I don’t eat pasta.
There, now you know. In case you were wondering.
More generally, I try not to eat white rice, white bread, pasta, and all the other horrible-no-good-very-bad-white carbs. (Unless I am in Paris, when all bets are off. Baguette with butter? What sane person can say no! Good thing I am not in Paris that often.) It’s taken me a while to find a way to eat healthy without obsessing about it and cutting out most white carbs is one of those things that just works for me. Not that I wouldn’t LOVE a big bowl of pasta with cheese, but you know, it’s just something I am fine without.
Which didn’t present any issues until recently, when my daughter, who loves pasta and eats it often, started asking me why I don’t eat it with her. 
I am of the general opinion that it’s good to tell kids the truth about things, unless it’s something they won’t understand or something that can really upset them. But how do I tell my daughter that honey, mommy doesn’t eat pasta because it makes her fat?
As a mom of a girl I am really worried about her growing up with a healthy body image. Gina Chen, at Family Life, recently wrote about her kids telling her that they wanted to go on a diet. Her son wanted to be on a diet to get healthier and her 5 year-old daughter was afraid of getting fat. AT 5 YEARS OLD! This freaked Gina out and it’s something that freaks me out. With the media continuing to worship skinner-than-skinny celebrities and young girls exchanging tips about eating less via Facebook, I have enough to worry about without influencing my daughter with my own body/eating issues.
So I lie — I’ve been telling my daughter that I don’t eat pasta because I don’t like it. When she eats whole wheat pasta (thank you Trader Joe’s for making cool shapes of your flax whole wheat pasta that my child will often consume with tons of cheese on top) I try to have a bit of it with her. I’ve also been paying more attention to what I say around her — e.g. Boy my butt looks fat in these pants is something I no longer just blurt out.
How do you ensure that your kids grow up with a healthy body image? Moms of girls, is this something you’re worried about? If you have certain foods you don’t eat or weight/body issues, how do you stay honest with your kids while not passing those issues on to them?
This entry was posted on Saturday, May 31st, 2008 at 6:28 pm and is filed under Family.
Tags: body issues, health, kids, weight
May 30th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
I am very, very concerned about this issue. I’m a mom of two girls (ages 3 and 1) and a clinical psychologist who specializes in, among other things, the treatment of eating disorders, obesity, and body image issues. I also have a family history of obesity and other weight issues–a history that will effect my daughters through genetics, environment, and the interaction of the two.
Because of these concerns, I refuse to make any comments, EVER, about my weight, size, shape, etc., in front of my girls (except for innocuous or positive comments, of course). I also make a point never to refer to foods as good or bad (I use terms like healthier for our bodies vs. not as healthy for our bodies, foods that help us grow strong vs. foods that don’t help us grow, every-day foods vs. occasional treats, etc.), and although I’m strict about nutrition, there are few if any foods I forbid outright 100% of the time (though many that my girls might eat, say, only once a year!).
One thing that has helped me in this process is a genuine evolution in myself to a point where I feel totally fine with my weight, body, and eating habits. I don’t make any foods off-limits for myself, I exercise regularly (and love it), I cook healthy meals and emphasize fresh, “real” foods”, but I also feel fine about indulging in sweets or other less-healthy foods at times too (note: I am of a normal, healthy weight and have no medical concerns). There is no food that is “scary” or forbidden to me, and so it’s easy for me to communicate a healthy attitude toward food and body image to my girls–because I feel it myself.
However, what I am really worried about is my girls’ older years, when society, peer pressure, the media, etc., will start to play a role in how my girls feel about food and their bodies, not just what mom says about the whole issue. My family tends toward the curvy and stocky, so those are the genes my babies are working with. I don’t know that my own healthy attitude about body image and food will be enough to inoculate my daughters against a culture that says all girls must be reed-thin.
May 30th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
p.s. I was all set to suggest whole-wheat pasta when I got to the end of your post and saw you’ve tried it. In our house, we eradicated all white grains and moved over to only brown rice, whole-grain breads, and wheat pasta a few years ago, before my babies were born, so thankfully that’s not an issue for me. And that wheat pasta is good, I think–kind of nutty-tasting and chewy?
May 31st, 2008 at 11:27 am
Shannon - I agree with what you have posted and this is also a topic that is near and dear to my heart. I am a dietitian who spent five years working with eating disorders and now work with weight loss. It can be really hard to listen to the messages about diet in the media and not feel that you have to do all or nothing. This is even harder for those self proclaimed perfectionists out there. There really can be balance by eating the whole grains and healthy choices most of the time but indulging in the other products once in awhile. Weight gain happens for many reasons but it typically isn’t from once in awhile indulgence. This really is the best way for moms and kids to see that there aren’t good and bad foods. Often when people think of foods as good and bad it can lead them to feel guilty when they do eat it which can spiral out of control.
I like to teach that all foods are ok- it just matters how you balance them in your diet. There is room for it all! I agree- the whole wheat pasta is a great choice for this situation.
May 31st, 2008 at 9:19 pm
Wow, I thought that I was analytical but I’m nothing compared to you ladies. The simple truth would be the best way to answer the question: “Mommy is all done growing and doesn’t need to eat it” would be accurate and clear to a child and would apply in many situations. It is just the positive version of your thoughts about it “if I eat it I’ll grow (fat)”. Having a toddler around has made me clean up my act at the table. Not only do I have to prepare real food, as opposed to eating ice cream for dinner, but I’m trying to cook more vegetables and eat fruit in front of her to set a good example. I can’t believe how much I enjoy eating real meals~!
June 1st, 2008 at 3:56 pm
My daughter loves food. At 8, she can eat more than daddy. I personally struggle with my weight everyday and it is no secret at the dinner table. I have to hold myself back to keep from cringing at the possibility that she will eat her way to my personal challenges. Let me also say, she is not fat. She is active and healthy. I’ve focused on trying to get her to eat smaller bites, eat slowly, and eat a wide range of foods. When she needs a snack, fruit is always offered first. But, she does have sweets too. It’s the best I can do to help her keep healthy and the right weight the rest of her life. I think that if my mother had done that we with me, my carb cravings would probably not exist and I would be less food/fat obsessed. So, I guess, while I go through restriction periods, I’m trying to teach my daughter that no food is off limits, it is how and how much you eat that is the key. And, stay active. Get out of the house. Run around with friends. Enjoy. I hope that food is never a weight on her like it is for me.
June 2nd, 2008 at 10:26 am
i could go on forever about this as i am also trying to bring up our son (and any future kids) in a healthy home. i might not make dinner every night but i do make sure that even the snacks are whole grain and as natrual as possible. Fruit is big in our house too! (i never realized i loved fruit so much!) and i try to by organic when possible and avoid the dreaded high fructose corn syrup.
My husband is mostly supportive and we compromise on some things (like a fast food night twice a month instead of multiple times a week!!)
to me the biggest influences in my son’s life are me and my husband. He models his behaviour to ours- weather it’s with please and thank you or eating yougurt instead of pudding.
isnt it ironic we are ok with beating ourselves up until we realize we dont want our kids to do that to themselves? Being their role model forces us to at least attempt to take better care of ourselves. if that means eating a little whole wheat (and/or protien enriched!) pasta than so be it
June 2nd, 2008 at 2:03 pm
OMG, Diane Bright has it right on - mommy’s done growing. I love that!
June 3rd, 2008 at 10:48 pm
Thats a WONDERFUL post. I was wondering why you didnt eat pasta either. Then I thought you were on Atkins. Now I see the wisdom. I think ‘giving up pasta’ is so cute and smart.