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I am really thankful for my husband this week because I’ve literally been living in a tunnel of work, work, and more work, coming up for air for just a few hours each day. I (almost) completely neglected to take care of the things that are on my weekly family to-do list — you know, things like cooking dinner, remembering to send out our daughter’s birthday invitations, or making sure that my daughter is appropriately dressed for school. (Read: No short sleeve shirts in 50 degree June weather. Yes, I live in Boston.)
And he has picked up the slack.
Sure, he didn’t make dinner but he got some takeout and made some broccoli to add a healthy kick to it. And the invitations could have been prettier/neater, but they did go out. And on the day when it was almost 80 degrees my daughter was wearing boots to school (overcompensating for the 50 degree day, I assume), but she survived just fine.
I’m thankful, but I also feel like a complete crap of a mom. I keep thinking that this isn’t permanent, that these are the weeks when my work needs me more and there will be weeks when I spend more time being a mom or a wife, but I only half believe this. I just can’t seem to catch up.
When I was thinking about this post I remembered an article I’d read about moms in demanding careers really wishing they had a wife to take care of the day-to-day family stuff. And I was going to write that I really need a wife to help me manage. But then I realized how ridiculously insulting that entire concept really is, the idea of a wife as a homemaker, a support mechanism for her uber-successful husband making big strides in his career. Yuck.
What I really need is a time out. I would take a day. A 24-hour period during which everything pauses and I get to catch up on the long-overdue tasks like making a photo book for my daugher’s first year of life (she is turning four in a few days, by the way), filing work paper and tax forms, going through my recipe books to find some new dishes for our regular weekly rotation. Yes, a nap or a manicure would be nice, but I’m not going to get that fancy in my wishful thinking.
The ticket to a more balanced imbalance for this crazy working mom is to be put in time out and be left there for a bit.
This entry was posted on Friday, June 6th, 2008 at 9:29 pm and is filed under Balancing Act, Working Women Issues, Your life.
Tags: balancing work and family, husband, time, time out
June 7th, 2008 at 2:50 am
Don’t feel like crap as a mom — in fact, don’t feel like crap at all! Part of having a solid partnership is letting your spouse pick up the slack from time to time.
June 7th, 2008 at 8:07 pm
Lylah’s right. The household stuff isn’t entirely on your shoulders - you have a husband who is happy to share responsibility. But you’re carrying the whole sense of responsibility on yourself and thinking that you should be able to do it all, all the time…and, NO.
A time-out could be a good thing. Beating up on yourself less could be an even better one :-).
June 7th, 2008 at 10:49 pm
What I want is a personal assistant. Work has been crazy for me lately, and just when it is at i’s craziest it seems my kids need me more. It’s time for school physicals. Both are due for dental exams. And my son might need glasses, which means more trips to the doctor at 2 in the afternoon — when he’s out of school but I’m right at my busiest.
My husband helps a lot, and I appreciate it. But I still feel guilty when I have to ask him to help. (Why?!!) Sometimes I feel like I’m sprinting through life.
June 7th, 2008 at 11:22 pm
Lylah and Florinda — I know you guys are right, I know it in my head, but like Gina, in a way, I feel guilty to dump a lot of stuff that I usually do on my husband.
Gina, I am so there with you in feeling like every day is a sprint.
June 8th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
My husband and I have a system where I leave a post-it note of things I need to do around the house. It is technically MY list of things, but he does a couple and crosses them off. I don’t have to say i need him to do them…i don’t have to ADMIT it! We have never really talked about it, it is just something that has come to be. I think by me putting it down on paper he was able to see all the things that “magically” got done around the house. It takes some stress off of me and on my really crazy weeks..he does more! Hang in there!!!
June 9th, 2008 at 11:44 pm
OK, I actually *have* a wife. She stays home with the kids while I work a sucky corporate job. And while she’s super at so many things, household management is just not her strong suit. I know she’s doing her best, but I have to do a lot of stuff around the house, in addition to trying to spend quality time with the kids.
I mop at midnight, toss laundry in whenever I have a minute, iron my own shirts, and take out the trash.
I think WE need a wife!