Comments on: Having only one child: Why is it such a crime?

By: Michelle P

Michelle P — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 17:33:11 +0000

I am so glad that I found this website. I am a working mom of one awesome almost 3 year old and I love it! Although, I struggle with the decision to have another or not! I will be 40 next month and while I enjoyed the prgnancy (after the first 3 months), and staying home for 3 months, I still needed and wanted to go back to work. Now, I struggle, should I or not. My husband is 98% set on only have one child. He thinks for the sake of our marriage, our careers and just having time for ourselves. I just don’t want to regret it later. All my friends have two or are expecting thier second and I know it is our choice, but, I sometimes feel guilty that he doesn’t have a sibling, although he does have several friends and cousins…… I really enjoyed reading everyone comments and hope to meet someone someday that has only one by choice that I could connect with. Thanks!

By: emilyp

emilyp — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 16:54:05 +0000

For ten years we had an only child and we faced the same questions. Now that we have our second child people ask me if they have the same father.
The nosey questions will never end. Just live you life and be happy.

By: BeccaM

BeccaM — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 00:44:12 +0000

A medical out, which I have, always works to shut people up. There is no comeback for “I had to have a hysterectomy”. The other, untold part of my response when asked is that we made a decision (anyway) to only have one together. My husband has a 21 y.o. and she is a sibling to our son (we don’t allow the characterization “half”).

Sure there are arguments against only children. There are equal numbers of arguments against multiple children. I have two sisters and remember “hating” at various times during my adolescence the fact that I was not an only child!

My husband and I are firm believers in not having more children that you can handle. And really, why is it anyone else’s business but yours?

By: Alison

Alison — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 00:15:09 +0000

I always wonder at people who think they know how many children is good for someone ELSE’S family!

I have 3 kids (wish I had 4 but am overextended as it is), but never thought to question any of my friends who have but one child.

That’s like saying, “excuse me, but do you realize you ought to be somebody else and live a totally different life than the one you are living now?”

By: Patty

Patty — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 10:16:00 +0000

I am very happily a mom to a 4 year old girl. It took a while but I have let go of guilt and societal expectations. I have chosen to enjoy the blessing that was bestowed upon us. Our family size works for us. My husband and I will occasionally ask each other if we have any regrets.The answer is always no. I love the closeness we have with our daughter. The time we have to give her. She has 17 cousins, lots of friends. She is a very social child. This works for us financially and emotionally. I feel that I am a better Mom and wife. This is a personal decision. Whatever people decide it is their own business.

By: Zak

Zak — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 21:14:07 +0000

I am a mum to a very active 16 month old boy. I have learned so much about myself, what I want from life and about my relationship with my husband in the last year and half. Before having my son, i was sure I wanted to have at least two kids. After a relatively fast and easy birth, my husband and I thought we could do this a few more times. But as our son is growing up and we realize how much work it takes to raise a child, we are not so sure. We want to be able to give our child a certain upbringing which we need time for. Our families think we are joking when we tell them we are happy with our one child and are not sure if we would want to have another one. I am annoyed at the guilt that is thrown our way..how we are made to feel selfish for wanting a life for ourselves while raising our child..Some go as fast as saying that we are selfish for wanting to deprive our child from having a sibling..we want to enjoy each other and spend time on our relationship..we want to be happy as a family and we also want to be happy as individuals.

By: Jessica

Jessica — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 01:41:01 +0000

I am 37 with one daughter who is now 2 1/2 and when people ask me this question I too feel a bit of guilt when saying I think one is enough..i am torn as well because i have siblings and my husband has a sister who he’s very close to and I’m afraid my daughter will grow up alone and that is the ONLY reason why I’d want to have another one..but my instinct is telling me no for many reasons…in the past I didn’t always go with my instincts and regretted decisions I’ve made so this time I think I’ll trust my instincts and be happy with my beautiful daughter, husband and newly adopted cat..

Jessica

By: Casie

Casie — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 15:04:00 +0000

I just tell them my uterus is closed for business, they usually don’t want to proceed down that track after that…

By: Olga

Olga — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 00:16:14 +0000

I am the only child myself, and by observing big families ( I’m talking 5 kids and more) I realize that in big families at least half kids are skrewed up. Sorry if I offend anyone, I don’t meen to. But I can clearly see the partern. My husband’s family is a good example of that. Only older children go confidently in life and younger ones are loosers. And it is not their fault that they did not get enough attention from their parents. they feel that they did not get love and attention they needed when they needed it. They know it, but can’t change themselves, just suffer through life. I feel sorry for the kids whose parents overestimated their ability. I honestly don’t think it is possible to give enough love, attention, good care, moral support and education to more than 3 children, unless you have grandparents who are willing to devote all their lives for raising their grand kids. I have a strong oppinion that parents should motivate children go to college and help them to get education, set them for success in life. I strongly disagree with parents who push their children to work at 15 and force kids move out after high school. If a family is big, younger kids berely finish high school, they don’t have a drive to better themself, challenge themselves, advance in life.
I am 26, married for three years and every time have to answer when I will have kid question. Even though I am planning to have a couple kids someday in the future, question why I don’t have one now irritate me. I don’t undersatand mothers who had their kids at 17, never graduated high school and work on low pay job full time just to make ends meet ends, blaming their kids for taking their fun of their life and at the same time trying to tell me :”It is so cute somebody running aroung me calling me mammy!”
I want have kids: one, two or three, we will see, but I want have them when I feel I am ready and have a wisdom to give them good advise, give them a good example of my own life, give them all the children need to be happy, feel loved, protected, set them for success. All our inner problems, complexes, fears and shortcomings come from our parents. We struggle with them all our lives and can not do much about it: all the damage was already made by our parents. There is no such thing like ideal parent, but at least we can try our best for our children. I support parents who deside have only one child if they feel that’s all they can handle: it better get one right, than screw up a few. For those couples who feel they can give enough for more than one, two or three children go ahead… Bless you God! Help you God! Just never tell to a child: ” We actually did not want you!” That would hirt and mess up child for life.

By: Allison

Allison — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 17:37:27 +0000

I LOVED this article and reading all the comments! I have a 21 month old “only”, and have heard many comments about the negatives of having an only child. It is so hilarious to me how other people can “know” what is best for my family, and myself as a mother. It would never dawn on me to think about how many children people “should” have. If people would put the energy into their own lives, that they too often put into examining the lives of others, the world would be a far better place!