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I was at an event earlier today where the main speaker, an uber-successful mom CEO and entrepreneur with two kids, gave the intro speech and talked about what she has learned about being a working mom who has a demanding career. When it came time for questions a woman in the audience asked her if she ever worried that her working so much negatively affected her kids and their relationship with her.
I couldn’t figure out if the question was a bit passive-aggressive or genuinely from someone who wanted to know how this woman managed to be a mom and high-powered career woman, but it struck me nonetheless. Her response was very honest — she talked about issues her older son is having at school and how she felt that her and her husband not being around as much when he was younger probably had something to do with his current lack of motivation. She said that they learned their lessons and she doesn’t feel like their youngest is getting the short end of the parenting stick.
Driving home I was thinking about this question as it applies to my own life. Read the rest of this entry »
Last night I was exhausted by 8pm, which was annoying, since that’s when the second half of my working day begins. It was a more stressful Monday than usual because my grandmother had surgery in the morning — all is OK for now, fingers crossed — and I’d spent a lot of time on the phone talking with various members of my family, calming them down and pretending to be calm myself. Pretending takes a lot of energy.
I had a bunch of work to get done but he first thing I did was to make dinner for the next two days. Read the rest of this entry »
According to CareerBuilder.com Mother’s Day survey 43% of working mothers would be willing to take a pay cut if they could spend more time with their children and 51% of working moms from two-income households would quit their job if their partner’s income was enough to support the family.
I wasn’t surprised when I read the first part. I was at an event recently where I met working mom after working mom who changed careers or modified her job to have more time for family and kids. On days when my stress level is through the roof and I can’t seem to get enough work done or spend quality time with my daughter I often start thinking whether I should be doing something to dramatically change my career path and make it less demanding and consuming. I love to work and I’ve never thought about staying at home full-time, but I do know that if I worked less, it would be easier to juggle. Read the rest of this entry »
A few days ago I had a lunch meeting with a business contact, a guy. (Yes, I think his gender is relevant.) We talked about a few issues I needed his help with and when our lunch arrived he said something that startled me:
“You know, you talk like a guy. If I didn’t know you were a woman, I’d think I was working with a man.”
I think he saw the puzzled look in my eyes after he said this because he went on to clarify that in his experience, few women are as direct as I was in our interactions. He told me that he works in an office with many women and he is not used to dealing with someone like me.
I honestly don’t know if I should have been offended, flattered, or something entirely different. Read the rest of this entry »
If I’ve learned anything during the past year it’s that life as an entrepreneur is literally like a roller-coaster — it’s either up or down, with very few plateaus in between. The last few weeks have been tough, for a number of reasons, and I’m feeling it. I’m exhausted, I’m cranky, I’m not very fun to be around (unless you’re my laptop, in which case you’re getting plenty of love.) And in my effort to find some more balance — ha! — between my work and my life outside of work, I decided that I needed to uses this weekend to recover a bit.
Not working is not an option, but here are a few breaks I’ve given myself and some little luxuries in which I am indulging in an effort to stop being so down and cranky, and frankly, annoying to be around: Read the rest of this entry »
I was on the phone with a business contact earlier today. We were having a great conversation and he suggested that we meet in person. Since he is based in a different city, I responded by saying something like: “That’s a great idea! I am going to be there on (such and such) date and would love to meet. I try not to travel too much because I have a young daughter and if you have free time, this would work out well.”
As soon as I said this, I’d realized that I probably made the mistake of outing my mom-identity too soon in our professional relationship. After all, this guy has an important job with an important company that could help Work It, Mom! in the future. And here I was, saying that I don’t like to travel too much because I am a mom. Read the rest of this entry »
I was at a restaurant for lunch yesterday and there were two women sitting at a table next to ours. While I was waiting for my lunch date to arrive I overheard them talking. I can’t make this stuff up:
Woman #1: “Did you hear that Jill got a new job?”
Woman #2: ” Yes, I ran into her husband at the school and he told me. It sounds amazing actually, but it’s full-time.”
Woman #1: “I know! She told me last time I saw her. It’s pretty intense and probably involves some travel. I just don’t get how she is going to pull it off and still find time for her kids. I don’t mean to judge, but I don’t think I could be a great mom if I worked full-time.” Read the rest of this entry »
It’s been about a year since I last had a boss.
The boss I had at the time that I made the whole steady-career-to-full-time-entrepreneur change wasn’t a nice one. He was passive aggressive, liked to embarrass people, always blamed me or someone else if anything went wrong, and gave very little credit if things went right. I never cried at work — mostly because I think it’s bad for women to show so much emotion in the workplace — but I often ran to the bathroom or came home on the verge of tears from dealing with him.
Not having this person in my life has been a relief. But let me come clean and tell you that sometimes I really miss having a boss. Yes, even a boss who drove me nuts for five years. And here’s why: Read the rest of this entry »
One of the most common and I think, quite good, pieces of advice I’ve heard about being a working mom is to look at my life in terms of phases or chapters. We all know that it’s almost impossible to “balance” work, family, and personal time/interests at the same time — there just isn’t enough time in each day and not enough mental and physical energy to give each the same level of attention. But if we look at life as a series of chapters — with some more focused on career, some more focused on kids and family, some on ourselves — perhaps the trade-offs we make all the time can be a bit less conflicting.
Like I said, I like this advice. Many times when I feel guilty about not spending enough time with my daughter because of work, I use it to make myself feel less horrible. “This phase of my life is work-heavy,” I think, “but it won’t be like this forever.”
But I’ll be honest with you — I only half buy this argument. Read the rest of this entry »
I know this is a completely theoretical question for 99.9% of us, but I like to think about it anyway.
I spent the last 10 years of my career, before launching Work It, Mom!, doing work that was interesting, stimulating, often exciting, but work that I was not passionate about. Due to a lot of factors, not the least of which is being an immigrant to this country, I’ve always known that I needed to support myself and in addition, be able to help my parents (and my grandparents), if possible. This meant that I chose my career path with money very much in mind.