When I started working at my main job, I was fresh out of college, younger than some of the interns, and perpetually worried about being taken seriously. So I made sure to dress a little more formally than I had to, kept my long hair up in a severe-looking bun, and was extra-careful about my work. But still, if I had a dollar for every time an older coworker asked me to copy, collate, or fetch something for them that first year, my 401(k) would be a whole lot bigger than it is now.

I remember a coworker who, back in the mid-1990s, told me that I reminded him of all the women who wouldn’t date him when he was in college and treated me accordingly. Others asked me how I’d managed to get hired so young (no, nepotism was not involved, though hard work and luck and good advice were). I’d cringe a bit whenever someone asked me how old I was, not because it was an inappropriate question (though it is) but because I hated the way anything I did after that would be judged and downgraded.

Excelle has a list of 12 things you should never say to your younger and older coworkers, and while I found myself nodding along in sympathy as I clicked through their advice, I think there are a few tidbits I’d like to add.

1. Don’t judge a coworker by his or her peers. Were you flighty and irresponsible when you were 22? Fine, but that doesn’t mean the new hire is. And just because your mom doesn’t understand email, don’t assume that an employee your mom’s age won’t either.

2. Treat everyone as you’d like to be treated. It seems like a no-brainer, doesn’t it? Don’t be condescending, don’t be dismissive, and don’t forget that if you step on anyone on your way up the ladder they can kick you in the head on your way back down.

3. Help people. The new kid isn’t necessarily after your job. And the office veteran isn’t ncessarily looking forward to retirement. Find ways to make yourself valuable to your company instead of withholding your help or support. Even while you’re working together, your coworkers are part of your career network; it’s better to cultivate than it is to alienate the people you work with.

Do you have any stories to share from when you were a young, new employee? How do you wish you had been treated?

I have to admit it: In spite of my crazy-long commute and sometime-hectic schedule, and in spite of my tendency to clutter and my inability to stay on top of the housework, if I had to choose between being all “Go, go, go” and spending a quiet weekend at home, the quiet weekend would win. In general, I mean, not just right now.

I’ve always been a bit of a homebody/bookworm. So when my kids — big and little alike — ask me, “What are we going to do today?” I often catch myself wondering, “Why do we have to *do* anything?”
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My husband was out of town all of last week, and this week my youngest kids are out of preschool, so it seems like a good time to revisit the whole “how on earth do I work when I have to look after my kids at the same time” idea.

Here’s how I’ve been managing. Without adversely affecting a.) my liver or b.) my reputation.
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I’ve written before about when it might make sense to work for free, and now I’m taking a look at the other side of that issue: If you initially took on extra responsibilities at your job without pay, then started getting paid to do them, are you obligated to continue to work for free if the company suddenly doesn’t want to pay you any more?
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My friends think it’s funny that I write about work-life balance when I obviously have so little of it myself. I tell them that I really write about juggling work and life, my full-time career and full-on family, which means that when it comes to balance, I’m the fulcrum on which it rests, not the one who actually achieves it.

A major part of that juggle invovles managing my mind, and finding ways to go from “work mode” to “home mode.”
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One of my favorite I’m-a-new-step-parent stories is from about 10 years ago, when my big kids were about 6, 4, and 2 and my little kids weren’t even a twinkle in their dad’s eye.

I was driving down a twisty, speedy four-lane road outside of Boston, all three kids strapped into carseats in the back of my Saturn, when an obnoxious guy in a black BMW cut me off on a sharp turn. I slammed on the breaks and hissed, “Ohhhhh, you F__KER!”

And, from the back seat, the voice of the eldest, in that I-just-caught-a-grown-up-doing-something-wrong tone that all parents know too well: “Whhhhhhat did you say?”
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I’m getting ready for BlogHer ‘10 this week, and I’m excited, but I’m not sure what to expect. Excited because I’ve wanted to attend in the past but haven’t been able to. I’m not sure what to expect because I blog, of course, but I’m going there as a member of the press, and so I feel like I’ll be walking the line between two worlds when I get to New York on Thursday. Excited because I’m going to be able spend an entire night without someone waking me up because s/he has to “go potty” at 3 a.m. Not sure what to expect because my kids, especially my youngest ones, are not exactly thrilled that I’m going away, even though it’s just for two nights.
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So often, we’re down on ourselves for what we didn’t do right, what we couldn’t get done on time, what we wish we could do but don’t. Inspired by a blog post at Mocha Momma — a letter to herself at age 20, I want to know: What do you think you do well?
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My department has a summer intern with us right now, and he is so earnest. So enthusiastic. So smart. He’s eager to get to work each day, fired up in anticipation of whatever assignment will fall to him that morning. He has pithy, inspirational statements, penned in red and black on 4-by-6-inch note cards, pinned up on the walls of his cube. Nothing “Jack Handy”-ish — none of that “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and, dogonne it, people like me” stuff that gets parodied on comedy shows. Just the stuff the rest of us learned in school, stuff that applies to our trade, stuff that we assume we know but probably need to remember.

When did the rest of us stop being like that?
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When I nearing the end of my first maternity leave, my husband happened to mention to a neighbor from a few blocks away that I would be going back to work soon. She gasped, and asked, “So, who is going to raise your child?”

A new friend of mine recalls how, when she first mentioned returning to work, other new moms she met told her how sorry they were for her. And after story time at the library during my second maternity leave, someone I barely knew kept saying it was such a shame I couldn’t “find a way” to “do what’s best” for my children. (News flash! If your paycheck pays the mortgage, continuing to earn the income with which to pay it is, in fact, “what’s best” for your children!)

We’re quick to say that all moms are working moms, but if that’s really the case — and I believe that it is — let’s take things one step further: Staying home with your kids is a career choice, not a moral imperative.
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