The laws of working moms

Categories: Hacking Life, Parenting, The Juggle

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We’ve all heard about Murphy’s Law (whatever can go wrong, will). And the Law of Averages (everything evens out in the end). And Newton’s Third Law of Motion (every action has an equal and opposite reaction).

Well, The Laws of Working Moms incorporate a little bit of each — and then some.

To wit:

1.) If you have an early meeting, or if the children need to be at school early for a field trip or other event, someone will be up at least twice during the night — which means you will be, too.

2.) The toddler will sneeze mightily in your face the day before he comes down with a ferocious cold.

3.) Your kids’ school or daycare will shut down due to Swine Flu the week after your kids have been out sick with a cold. (Corollary: Your kids will not have the H1N1/Swine Flu virus.)

4.) You will spill coffee (hot or cold, doesn’t matter) on yourself if, and only if, you wear a freshly pressed white blouse to the office.

5.) If you are the working mom of an infant, you will discover a cascade of dried spit-up on the back of your jacket, but only after you’ve worn it for at least two hours (or to at least one meeting).

6.) Any electronic device that’s absolutely necessary to your sanity will be a.) missing or b.) out of batteries when you most need it.

7.) If you carry a purse, you will always have some sort of kid-type food in it, which you will discover when you are looking for something, like your ID. What you will not have in it is whatever you were actually looking for, like your ID.

8.) You will slave over an amazing meal that the kids won’t touch, and you will throw together a last-minuteĀ  “gotta get them fed” meal that they devour.

9.) If you are a nursing mother who is pumping at the office, your pump will be loud — teeth-grittingly, terribly loud — no matter which kind you buy or what you do to muffle it.

10.) You will go to work more than once with a sticky, kid-applied kiss on your cheek — and you deliberately won’t wash it off.



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5 comments so far...

  • this post ROCKS!!! Nicely said. I especially like the, gotta get the fed meal that they will devour. happens all the time.

    Vera Babayeva  |  May 21st, 2009 at 7:51 am

  • 4. This is the Law of my Life - even before our daughter. It is for this reason that I don’t, in fact, wear white anymore. The last time I did, I was knocked into on the T by a guy with a huuuuge hiking backpack. This, of course, spilled my entire coffee down the front of my white shirt which, if memory serves, I dropped a felt tipped pen on, point first, a couple of hours later. Just had to finish of that pigpen look, you know?

    5. This happened to me early this past winter. I was so proud. I wore the jacket for TWO DAYS before I found it. It wasn’t spit up though - it was baby sick vomit. I thought she’d overshot me when she did it…

    7. OMG yes. Last week, it was a Graduates Fruit Twist I found - but not my house keys which had been pilfered by the little one and squirreled away in her secret hidey spot.

    8. Scallops Charleston = did not want. Box potatoes julienne (I hate myself for even making them, but I do altogether too often) = clean plate and screaming for more.

    10. All of the time. <3

    Phe  |  May 21st, 2009 at 11:13 am

  • Haha! This is so true.. and applicable to all of the moms!

    GNSD  |  May 21st, 2009 at 12:21 pm

  • #1 alternates: the day you must be in on time for the early meeting will be the day that the permission field trip emerges from the bag the morning of, with the matching need to scrounge out exact change.

    4: Each and every time you wear the white blouse. Corollary, it can be darker colored, but that food will be enough of a stain to be noticeable.

    5: I started putting my jacket on after I dropped her at daycare. That way if it was on my back, no one knew!

    Mich  |  May 22nd, 2009 at 12:03 pm

  • The #1 law I’ve observed: if you say something nice about your children, they will do something to prove you wrong within the next hour. Unfortunately, this doesn’t work in reverse.

    SKL  |  May 24th, 2009 at 4:19 pm